The Ides of March
by Blackdragon3
Summary: It all started with a silly, silly prank. But the events it triggered were bigger than anyone could have foreseen. it just really has some of everything. ZADR, hurt/comfort, angst, psychological, insanity the non-funny kind , friendship/romance, will eventually contain lemon, some hinted RAPR,
1. Chapter 1

Where it all started

Rubbing at his tired eyes, Dib took a moment to collect himself. It was late, way into the early morning hours, but this needed to be done before the chemical reaction was over. He pushed his large glasses back up his forehead and leant over the glaringly pink microscope again. What he saw made his heart beat faster in excitement. The light yellow nanomachines beneath the thin glass were working fast, removing the faulty bases from the sample's DNA while leaving the natural structures intact. A small smile formed on his lips after a few minutes, the sample almost completely sanitized and the tiny nanomachines still working wonderfully.

But it didn't last. As soon as the faulty DNA had been perfectly removed, the leftover structures began to disintegrate, being taken apart by those wretched, little machines.

Jerking back with a frustrated yell, the boy barely had enough self-restraint to not throw his glasses, and with them a few pieces of lab equipment, to the ground in helpless exasperation. Growling to himself, he started pacing agitatedly in the pink-tinted lab, rubbing his palms over his face and trying his hardest to calm down again.

It was okay.

This was nothing new.

It was just another step in a long, long series of horrible failures.

Pulling at his forelock in another display of frustration, he let the stinging pain of it bring him back to reality and the boy finally managed to calm himself. Alright. So, the nanomachines weren't a possible cure, either. They had made so many adjustments to them, over the weeks, that Dib finally decided to abandon these little useless pieces of scrap and... try to wrack his genius mind for different ideas. A look at the digital clock at the bottom of the giant computer screen told him it was half past three in the morning, though, and this was a good opportunity to get some sleep. Sometimes during those last few weeks, he'd forgotten that he was a human. A human boy of 14 that needed at least a couple hours a day of recreational sleep.

Now, he became horribly aware of how tired he actually was and sighed, debating on whether to go back home to his own bed, or just sleep here. Again.

Making a quick note in his booklet, he came to the decision that it didn't matter where he slept anymore. With more nights spent in this base than in his own bed, Dib slowly got used to not being missed. Or having his absence noticed. Before those thoughts started to fester in his head, he made his way outside to another lab room, quickly spotting the green-skinned alien, magenta eyes glued to the screens, watching yet another of their experiments fail with a dark scowl. Stiffling a yawn, Dib couldn't bring himself to care about their newest misfiring anymore and knocked on the metal doorframe.

Zim's head snapped up, fixing the human with an annoyed glare. „What is it, Dib-thing? Zim is busy working on-"

„Yes, I know." Said boy interrupted him before this turned into another frustrated rant. „I just wanted to let you know that I'll be upstairs, sleeping on your couch. The nanomachines botched up again and I won't be using them anymore." Pausing to hide a mighty yawn behind a hand, Dib rubbed at his eyes. „Go get some rest, Spaceboy. At least take a break to eat something." Before the alien had any chance to protest or continue to rant at him, Dib had turned and was heading towards the disguised elevator. The trashcan in the kitchen opened and he awkwardly climbed out of it, groaning in relief when he finally collapsed on the surprisingly comfortable couch.

Undressing while lying down was difficult, but after a few moments, he had managed to wriggle out of his shoes, his worn jeans and the sweatjacket, leaving him in a tshirt and shorts. It was enough for the few hours of sleep he'd get and the blanket he had brought a few weeks ago would provide enough warmth in the chilly room. Curling up into a fuzzy cocoon, Dib pressed his head into the corner of the couch, as if hiding from sight even when no-one would look for him. Sighing tiredly, he inhaled the strange and faint but dulcet scent of the furniture. It was alien made and even if on first sight, there wasn't any difference to a human made couch, the fabric was far more fine and sturdy, the lingering scent giving away its alien origin. Dib smiled as his eyes closed, relaxing into sleep qiuckly.

For some reason, he found it indefinitely soothing. This started feeling more like home than the house he was raised in.

For a moment, even in his weary state, Dib felt his stomach twist at that realization and his eyes snapped open, staring into the darkened pink corner of the couch. How had it even come this far? His own house and family feeling like strangers, this strange. alien building with its two extraterrestrial beings inhabiting it becoming so very familiar...

It was a twisted reality, but one he could not escape, and the longer it all went, the less he felt like wanting to escape at all.

How had it come this far...

Zim had come to earh almost three years ago, claiming to be a normal child and somehow managing to fool each and every single person around them. All of them, except fod Dib. At once, they had believed they were enemies. It was just... natural. Zim had come to ivade earth, destroy it and annihilate mankind. Dib had taken it upon himself to stop the alien and save his planet.

At first, that and that alone had been their truth.

They had fought, battled, quarrelled and injured each other time and time again, both seriously fighting for their beliefs and their own objectives. But... at some point... things had begun to change. It had turned into a weird, dark kind of game, the intention stopped being „kill the other before he kills you", and instead turned into „show the other just how inferior they are but let them live to fully feel the shameful burn of failure". Somehow their motives had faded into the background of their game, playing it having becoming their purpose in existence, far more important than causing and preventing the annihilation of mankind.

And then...

Then, some six months ago, Zim had pulled the silliest, most impacting prank anyone could ever have come up with. A tack, covered in bologna-DNA. Up to this point, Dib had seriously failed to understand how Zim had even created DNA from food made of several types of meat and spices, but he had. And how effective the infused, impossible DNA had been. Within mere hours, the human boy had started to show mutations, his body slowly merging with the foreign substance. There had been little time, and, after failing in finding a cure in the very limited time he had had, the only logical next step had been to return the „favour" to Zim , infecting him with the same, aggressive mutagen.

After quickly having discovered that working on their own, in their incredibly weakened states, was not going to help, they had come to the decision to form an unwanted, but necessary truce. Surprisingly, the mutations had worn off with only a little tempering to both their systems, returning at least their appearance back to normal and enabling the alien to return into his own, more advanced laboratories. With their truce still extant, both of them had started working on a cure for their messed-up DNA.

Groaning, Dib curled up more, pulling the comforter up to his ears. They had failed, time and time again. Nothing they had tried had worked and over the weeks, Even their game was forgotten.

All that existed now was the need to find a cure.

Even what little life Dib had led began to vanish. He spent more and more time in Zim's lab, had started to skip school, and even though his school grades remained perfect as ever, there had been letters to his dad, meetings with this infuriating new school counselor and his classmates being even more annoying than usual.

It didn't matter.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. His family probably didn't even notice he rarely even returned home anymore. His father was most likely too busy being famous and working on new inventions to „better mankind" and his little sister had never paid him much heed to begin with.

It didn't matter.

Tomorrow, Dib decided, he would try and pretend being a normal boy again, go to school, get laughed at by his classmates, get scolded by his teachers, tell his family some sort of story to explain his absence – not that he ever expected them to even ask – and then return here.

Here... where he was noticed. Where he was at least somewhat useful and needed. Zim never said it, even tried to hide it behind his usual antics and spazzy outbursts, but Dib knew. Somewhere deep down, the alien enjoyed his presence. They worked well together and even though they produced nothing but epic failures, it didn't feel wrong to take a breath and dive right back into a new experiment. On the contrary... it felt right. So right and again... Dib felt his stomach twist at the thought of how contorted his world was becoming, his home feeling deprecative, his enemy feeling like the closest thing he had ever known to being a friend.

His mind ran in circles lately, so with as much willpower as he could muster, he forced himself to stop this train of thought and relax.  
Tomorrow would be another long day and he needed as much sleep as he could get.

Finally, he drifted off to sleep.

The next morning came way too early. Even before his alarm could wake him, a high-pitched, metallic screech tore him out of the comforting darkness of sleep, into a screaming world filled with loud clanking, some sort of warm, chunky substance being splattered over his head and the continued screeching that threatened to permanently damage his sensitive eardrums. As the human boy sat up from his now not so comfortable, makeshift bed, he blinked drowsily at his surroundings. Gir had already reduced the fake living room to complete chaos, before Dib even had the energy to wonder what the hell was going on and why he was suddenly so mucky.

After a few moments and a closer look, it turned out that Gir must have been experimenting in the kitchen again. The cooling mass on Dib looked like a mix of chilli, chicken soup, mashed potatoes and large chunks of jell-o.

Just wonderful.

In the distance, Zim was heard yelling at his deranged little robot servant.

Not for the first time, Dib found himself wishing he would just shut the annoying thing off once and for all.

Dragging his now soggy and sticky self to the kitchen, he found Zim seething, Gir nowhere in sight, the kitchen even more a mess than the living room. They exchanged a look, magenta eyes giving the boy a once-over before smirking.

No words were needed and Dib gave a world-weary sigh, choosing the quickest route to the underground base and to the irken version of a bathroom. A quick, hot shower in pinkish-clear cleansing liquid – since Zim disapproved any and all kinds of earth water near his person – was just what he needed and once he was done, he felt much better and actually fully awake.

Dressing in the spare set of clothes he kept around, he got ready for school.

„Zim, do you need anything from the store? I'll skip afternoon classes and go shopping on my way h- back." Damn it! Had he really just almost said 'on my way home'? Had it really come so far already? Shking his head, he waited for the alien to answer.

„Inferior school. Zim fails to understand why you even bother."  
Dib smiled, shrugging. He failed to understand so himself. Maybe it was that last shred of normalcy he had left. „Do you want something or not?"

Zim crossed his thin arms over his chest and huffed. „Go get more marshmallows and donuts." he finally decided and proceeded to yell at his house computer to clean up the horrible mess. With an amused sigh and a roll of his eyes, Dib left the oddly shaped house and made his way to school. Even before he arrived, he forced his face into an indifferent mask, knowing what was awaiting him. Morrons. Everywhere. They were stupid, blind and deaf to anything outside of their own little world.  
Instead of trying to see beyond their horribly limited horizon, they chose to be ignorant and instead use what little intelligence they posessed to pester and harrass him.  
The hours went by in a dull haze, lessons he didn't need, knowledge he already had, a low, droning buzz that became more and more meaningless with each second it continued. Finally, after a few hours, it was over and the class rose to leave for lunch break. Dib was the last to stand and leave the classroom, but his exit was blocked before he could. Looking up the dark shadow that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, he fought a shudder to find his teacher, Ms Bitters, looming over his smaller frame.

There was something horribly off.

Dib had known his teacher since first grade, and never, NEVER, had she looked at anyone like she was looking at him right now. A heavy weight of foreboding settled in his middle and he swallowed hard, unable to make a single sound. The usual grimace of disgust, annoyance and hate for the world had been wiped off the wraith-like face, smoothing it out into an expression that had no name.

A bony hand rose and the boy flinched when it came to rest on his head, the touch so shockingly soft that he was sure he would die from the absurdity alone.

Then, she spoke, even her voice having been reduced to a low whisper as she leant down to face him on eye-level.

„Soon, child, it will all be over. You will know what to do when the time comes and all of us will readily face our doom."  
Something in her terrifyingly soft words chilled Dib to the bone and even deeper. It felt like she was infusing this abysmal cold right into his very soul. Her bony hand moved over his hair in an almost-caress and his knees threatened to buckle with the terror he felt. „Endure what you must until your time has come, child."

A look of almost sympathy passed over her face and then she was gone, vanishing like she often did, with not a single proof that she had even been there at all.

Dib's knees did buckle then, as if he had been released from a chokehold, and he collapsed to the floor in a shaky, panting heap. Arms were thrown around himself in an attempt to chase away the chill that wanted to consume him. What had that even been about?

It took several minutes until the boy had calmed enough to unsteadily pull himself up to his feet, still wondering what just happened. She always had talked about doom, the end of things, how everyone was just biding their time... but... this was different, Dib could feel it. Something was going on but he for the life of him had no idea what that something might be.

Unsettled as he was, he didn't pay any attention to the approaching sound of heavy footsteps until they stopped right in front of him. Lifting his gaze from the sight of several pairs of white boots, he blinked, once again confused, at the small group of men before him. They were dressed in white coats, almost looking like lab staff. „Dib Membrane?" One of them asked and he nodded dumbly.

The men exchanged looks. „That's the one." Then, one of them stepped forward, fixing him with his eyes. „Listen, boy, we're here to help you. Come with us and don't make a fuss."

The next thing Dib knew was that he was grabbed and the men tried to drag him out of school. Too late he realized that the tiny, embroidered logo on their uniforms was the same that was found on the gate of the city's asylum.


	2. Chapter 2

The place that sends you mad

Dib frowned at the man seated in front of him, large desk between them, while he only received an infuriatingly calm, calculating stare in return. Leaning back in his uncomfortable chair, the boy bit back an unhappy groan. He was sore all over. The orderlies that had picked him up from school – or to put it in better words, abducted him against his will – hadn't really been gentle with him when he had started struggling. In hindsight... with the fight he had put up, kicking and screaming at them to leave him alone, the whole school probably had had any and all possible doubts regarding his mental stability excluded. They had thought him crazy before, so no-one would care if he was dragged off by whitecoats.

His attention returned to the man in front of him, still watching him with this all-knowing expression, likely waiting for the boy to speak. After a few more minutes, Dib carved in and opened his mouth. „Why am I here?"

A long sigh was heard, as the man, a psychiatrist judging from the name plate on his desk, leant back into his chair, folding his hands in front of his chest. „You should know why you are here, Dib. You need help. You are... confused and your father-"  
„My father?! What does any of this have to do with my father?"

Another sigh. This was getting annoying fast and Dib's frown only darkened. „Your father expressed his concern regarding your state of mind. We are here only to see how we can help you."

„I don't need help. Not the kind of help you can give me, anyway. I am not crazy." The twitch of lips beneath a full moustache told Dib exactly what he had suspected. „You don't believe me." It was a fact and Dib lowered his head, fighting down a sudden anger that threatened to rise within him. „What happens now?"

The man smiled in a way he must have though was going to calm the boy. „Nothing bad. We will talk a little, run some tests, see what you will need to get well. Your school sent us your files, they have been.. interesting. You are a very intelligent young man, but it seems you still have troubles growing up." What he pulled up and placed on his desk was all too familiar to the boy. His school record, along with the files Dwicky had added. It was a thick pile of paper and Dib knew he was in for some explaining. That Dwicky... leaving him behind like this and leaving behind a huge amount of files which claimed just how bad his mental health was. He glared at the giant folder, feeling his anger rise again.

When the man cleared his throat, Dib blinked up at him, pulled from his train of thoughts and he cursed inwardly. Of course... zoning out in front of a person who already thought him a lunatic, good idea.

„Let's see. There are several notes left by your school counselor... schizophrenia, schizo-effetive disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, delusional disorder, intrapersonal communication, neurosis, depression, adjustment disorder and social withdrawal. I think... we will have a lot to talk about."

With each 'diagnosis', Dib shrunk in his seat, knowing he'd have serious troubles proving them wrong. Especially when he SAW it in the man's eyes, the conviction that Dib was severely ill.

„Can I speak with my father?" He asked quietly, thinking that maybe he would at least get his father to get him out of this. But his hopes were crushed right away.  
„No, Dib. He said that he does not want to interfere with your therapy. He will talk to you when you are feeling better."

„But...I'm... I'M NOT CRAZY!" the boy finally yelled, knowing it was not helping his case, but unable to stop himself. The chuckle he received was dripping with arrogance and a foretaste of what was awaiting him. With a low thump, the door opened and two orderlies stepped in, not even bothering with a greeting before they snatched Dib out of his seat and proceeded to 'accompany' him to a room in the locked ward and no one even bothered looking up as the screaming and kicking boy was dragged along.

Calm down.

Calm down.

Just calm down.

Acting up would not help him. That much he knew. But it was hard to stay calm when he was being treated like this. Pacing the tiny, white room, Dib fought down his panic.

He had never been very claustrophobic, but he was starting to very quickly develope a dislike for being locked in a small, windowless room. It couldn't have been more than an hour since he was thrown in here, but it was hard to tell with no clock, no window and his mind running a mile a minute with desperate attempts to figure a way out of this mess. The doctor thought him severely, mentally ill and his admittedly distracted behaviour was not making him seem more stable. But allright.

The best thing to do now was relax and do as he was told. Act as normal as possible. Play along with whatever little games they wanted to play and then somehow convince them that he knew where reality ended and fantasy began.  
He made a large, mental note not to mention Zim in front of them. Ever.

Zim...

Dib stopped his pacing and lowered his head. Zim was waiting for him to return with his snacks. The little alien would be pissed when he was late and he really could do just fine without being yelled at after this whole crappy day.

IF he even managed to get out of here that soon...

Now that was a train of thought he didn't need. Suddenly, returning to Zim's base and getting yelled at sounded just fine to him, in contrast to spending the night in a crazy house with people who wouldn't believe a single word even if he told them the truth.  
Dejectedly, he moved to sit on the edge of the small cot, the scanty thing the only piece of furniture aside from a tiny dresser in the corner. With a groan he noticed the rounded, padded edges of the wood, making sure no one would accidentally bump their head and damage themselves.

Hours went by before he was graced with another face again. A nurse opened the small peephole and, only after checking on him, opened the door. „Here. Take these and then try to rest. We will start your tests tomorrow morning." A tray with some food, a plastic bottle with water and an alarming amount of pills were placed on his dresser.

„I don't want to take those." Dib nodded towards the colorful capsules and pills.

The nurse just huffed in annoyance. „You will take them. Either by yourself or I'll have someone help you with them." It was a threat and Dib's eyes widened.  
„You can't treat me like that! I am not crazy, I''ll be fine without those pills." Pretty as she was, the nurse's face pulled into an ugly frown. „Do not make me call an orderly. Take your medicine like a good little boy and we won't have any troubles."

Sighing, Dib reached over to pick up the pills, eyeing them a long moment, before pushing them into his mouth and drinking from the water bottle. When the nurse seemed to be satisfied with him, she left the room without another word. Quickly, he got up and spit the pills he had hidden under his tongue into the sink. No way he was going to let himself be drugged like this. By the look of things, there were at least two types of sedatives and probably some antidepressants.

What seemed like a tiny victory would soon turn out to only worsen his situation, though. Half an hour later, the nurse returned, along with another white-coated orderly and a small tray with desinfectant and a syringe. Immediately suspicious, Dib stood, backing away into the corner of the room. The young woman looked at him disapprovingly. „Really, Dib. Did you think you could get around your medication? It's mportant for you. Maybe you'll need some help taking them at first, hm? It's just a little prick and I promise you'll feel much better afterwards."

„I don't need any drugs. I'll be fine." came the nervous reply. „I won't make a fuss, okay? So just leave me alone." The orderly was a young man, probably in his early twenties, but easily two heads taller and probably double his weight as well. „Don't be afraid, it'll be over quickly."  
Again, Dib shook his head, trying to edge away from the two blocking his path to the door. „Please, I'll be just fine." He tried again, but to no avail. The larger man had him by the arm before he could get any further away, the large hand gripping firmly and with an underlying threat of adding some pain should Dib choose to struggle further.

The jab was quick and barely hurt, Dib's mind still too shocked to register it fully. There wasn't much time to feel the faint heat and burning the liquid caused in his arm, the impact of it turning his world upside down with a wild spin.  
Suddenly... everything stopped mattering, nothing was wrong anymore, no threat, no pain, no worries and as the boy slumped onto the thin mattress behind him, he gave a sluggish smile. It took several moments to comprehend that the low buzzing in his head were, in fact, words spoken to him. „Don't worry. You will get used to them soon, after a few days you won't be as inebriated anymore. Get some sleep." Dib had troubles figuring out where the speaker was, he tried moving his head to the side only to have his eyes jerk back and forth in protest at the sudden movement. His head was responding with another wild spiraling sensation and Dib gave up, just closing his eyes and lying down as flat as he could.

A few moments later, he was out cold and sleeping deeper and longer than he had in months.

Time and location lost their meaning from that moment on. The medication made everything blurry and insignificant. Dib would find himself in different rooms, without a single clue as to when and how he had gotten there, then, strange people around him, foreign faces leaning over him, pricking him with needles, speaking words that didn't make sense to his buzzing ears, his mouth formed slurry words that his brain didn't register, answering questions he never even remembered having been asked, again and again and again.

Only slowly, his world started to return to focus, the perception of his environment returning tardily as well.

Not that this made things any better.

Once he was back in his right mind enough to remember what dates meant, he found that three weeks had passed without him noticing. When he read that on the calendar in the doctor's office during a – what he only then learned was actually a daily scheduled – therapy interview, he had become so confused and shocked at it, in his still somewhat fuzzy mindstate, that he had freaked out. The next few hours were spent strapped to his small bed until he had calmed again.

Or at least until he pretended not to try and scream and break stuff in panic anymore. Keep it inside, he ordered himself. Don't show them what you really think and feel and want, it will only make them use it to label you insane. More insane, anyway.

He managed it somewhat and brought his only slowly clearing head back to showing some restraint.

That's when the talks started getting exhausting.

Endless talks... About how he felt, about his little fantasy stories, about the little imaginary creatures he had made up to fill the empty void that was social life. About how he needed to see that his delusions were only making his situation worse. About how his real friends needed him. Dib had laughed at that, stating that he had no „real friends" and that he wasn't needed and in return did not need anyone either.

That was a lie, though, he admitted to himself. He didn't not need anyone. He just did not need people that he would have to put on a mask for. There was one, a single one, that took Dib as he was, without masks because that one hated wearing his masks as well.

In an unguarded, unconcentrated moment, it had slipped him. He had told the doctor about how Zim was his friend – were they really friends? He couldn't remember, but it felt like they were – and that there was no need for anyone else.

Bad mouth.

Too quickly, the topic had started to center on Zim. Of course the doctor knew about Zim, the „alien", the strange green foreign kid Dib fought with so often in school. But said boy shut his mouth tightly after his first slip of tongue, unwilling to give away anything else that concerned the alien. Both for the simple reason of trying to avoid making himself sound even more crazy and... in a way.. also to protect the alien. Unlikely as it might be, there WAS a slight possibilty that someone actually would investigate and Zim might get in trouble. Dib didn't want to be the cause of that.

The boy's refusal to talk about Zim at all only spurred the doctor on even more, sensing that this was a sensitive matter and possibly a key problem of his young patient. Like a shark that had tasted a drop of blood in the vast ocean, he now was after the bleeding prey in a frenzy.

Questions were assailing Dib like pinpricks, wearing down his defences quickly. After a week of relentless interrogation, he finally caved in, reluctantly admitting that Zim was his friend, and due to his skin condition they had played pretend, making up stories that Zim was an alien and he was an alien hunter. It wasn't far from the truth but maybe... maybe it would finally placate the doctor enough to change the topic of his questions.

Dib wasn't so lucky.

While he often questioned the man's – and the whole institution's for that matter – professionality, he sadly found out quickly, that he possessed at least enough knowledge of human nature to be able to tell that he was lying.

So his only way out was to stop talking and he went silent.


	3. Chapter 3

Two months...

Every day when the doctor had him brought to his office – mostly because Dib refused to go there on his own – he checked the date on the calendar on the wall. It had been two months since he had been locked up here. Two months of being drugged, questioned, isolated and treated like a misbehaving, mentally retarded child. But this day promised some hope.

Today, the doctor told him he was allowed to speak with his father. Of course, being as busy as he was, the professor would only be able to attend via video feed, but to Dib it was like his birthday, Easter and Christmas all in one day. It had been so very long since he had seen a familiar face...

The pale boy sat excitedly in his chair in the doctor's office, though he tried to hide how excited he really was for fear of receiving more sedarives. He wanted to be as clear as possible for this.

The screen flickered and Dib was happy like never before to see the face of his father when it came to view. Membrane wasn't a father who was around often, and his son had gotten used to not seeing him. But right now, he was just like any other child that had been seperated from his parents.

„Dad..." his voice sounded hoarse and pitiful even to his own ears, but after two months of being locked away, without a single familiar person to see or talk to, he felt close to tears even with the impersonal way of communicating through the computer screen he was facing now.

„Son, glad to see you're doing fine!" came the strangely cheerful greeting. Dib felt his happiness start to drain away almost as quickly as it had come this morning.

„Dad, I'm not feeling fine, I want to come home, please..." Tsk-ing, the man on the screen shook his head in a chiding manner.

„No, son, your therapy isn't done yet. You poor, insane child..." he sighed. „There is still so much to do until you can be cured. The doctor told me you still weren't being honest with him and in denial of your own problems and delusions."

Each word felt like cutting ice, the realization that his father would not just take him out of the asylum and let him return home came slowly, but irrevocably. When before he had managed to hold back his tears of joy at seeing his father again, he failed to do so with the bitter tears of fear and disappointment that followed.

Now, Dib did cry. „Please, dad! I'm.. I'm sorry for all the parascience talk and paranormal studies... and.. and.. the things I've done! I.. I promise to never talk about them again, please... let me come home..."

The professor just shook his head and sighed like he often did when faced with his son's antics. „That's your problem right there, son. You still think it's all real, you just think you can hide them. You stay right there with the doctors and receive the help you need. Once you're cured you can come home."

With that and not even a word of goodbye, the screen blipped out and Dib was left alone once more, staring at the blackened screen in disbelief and horror.

If he had ever had any hopes that his father, in some twisted way, actually did care for his children, he was now left with the bitter, biting realization that he really did not.

Membrane wouldn't care whether he came home or not. It would not matter and if the doctors around him didn't at some point decide he wasn't insane afterall, he would rot in his white, bare room.

He kept on staring at the blank screen, unable to move a muscle.

Dib was numb.

He wasn't here, could not possibly be here.

How twisted his world had become... was this really happening?

Dark swirls appeared around the edges of his vision, just as a low buzzing noise seemed to take away his hearing.

Someone was calling his name, was touching his shoulder, he felt it, but didn't feel it, the sensation almost foreign to him. Then, the calls became shouts, but he couldn't really hear them. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't really see much anymore, either. The blackness of the screen had blended perfectly into the darkness that had taken over the rest of his vision.

Good...

Black was so much better than white, anyway...

Two orderlies were hurriedly pulling the gasping, convulsing body out of the chair and onto a stretcher, not taking more than a few minutes to innitiate an IV-drip with several drugs to get Dib out of his seizure-like state of shock. It took a moment, but finally the boy relaxed, breathing slowing to a normal pace and his body ceasing to jerk and tremble.

It took two days for Dib to regain his consciousness, blinking up sluggishly at the white, but unfamiliar ceiling. There was a presence next to him and with some effort, he managed to turn his head to the side.

What he spotted there was something he was sure his addled mind was making up for him. Soft, low beeping noises filled his ears as he watched the girl push her fingers against multicolored buttons, young face pulled into a permanent frown that was oh-so-familiar.

Gaz.

Dib tried to speak. He really did. But all that made it out of his painfully dry and chapped lips was a quiet rasp. Nevertheless, his sister looked up, cracking her eyes open just a slit to look at him. Honey-colored eyes met their twins and they shared a moment, Dib cursing himself when his sight became blurry again with the tears that sprung to his eyes.

He wanted to say so much, but his jaw was stiff and his tongue felt like dead rubber to him, effectively robbing him of speech. Instead, he tried reaching out to her.

Gaz paused her game and sighed, picking something up. „You better get well soon, idiot. The house is silent when your annoying voice isn't making my ears bleed." A small weight was placed onto his stomach and Dib wanted to scream when he had to watch her get up and turn to leave.

With a painful twist, his stomach knotted under the almost forgotten little weigh, forcing his arms or mouth to work, trying to tell, no, to BEG his sister to stay, but his body was useless, dooming him to watch helplessly as she rounded the corner and disappeared again. There was no use in biting back his sobs, he didn't care if anyone saw. Dib wanted his sister back and there was nothing he could do to achieve that.

Crying himself back to sleep didn't take much time and he was out for several more hours.

No one bothered him, no one seemed to care, the monitors he was wired to making sure he didn't just die or run off unnoticed.

This time, when the boy groggily opened his eyes, his body listened a little better to the commands his brain sent out, enabling him to rub at his swollen eyes with one hand. The other more automatically moving to the object still settled on his stomach. It was a book. Using some effort, Dib lifted the green-covered book to squint at the title. „Emperor Mollusk versus The Sinister Brain" A very wet smile appeared on his face, blinking away the rising tears unsuccessfully.

Without his glasses, he couldn't read it, but he held the book to his chest like it was a stuffed toy. It was the sole object that belonged to him in this horrible place. The orderlies didn't seem to mind the book when they brought the boy back to his room two days later and that's where he found his glasses as well.

Reading the book was a task of mere hours, but in the pale isolation of his bare room, anything was better than the silence and nothingness around him. Dib read the book again and again, happy for each word that wasn't made up in his own head.

Like this, he could almost forget what horrible place he was in.

Almost.

„Where is my book?" The nurse currently changing the white sheets on his bed looked at him and lifted one lazy eyebrow. „What book?"

Dib frowned. „My book. The green one. The one my sister brought me and that was lying under my pillow."

The smile on the nurses face became downright wicked. „Oh? As far as I remember there wasn't any book in your room. Maybe you imagined it."

Dib could feel his eyelid twitch, his worn patience running out fast at the obvious try at messing with him. Again.

He was getting so very tired of this...

„I will not play your games. Give me back my book, Right now." Thin hands curled to fists, honey eyes fixing the nurse with a venemous stare. „I know what you are trying to achieve but I know quite well what is happening here." A high-pitched giggle grated in his ears and the boy bit his lips hard to avoid saying too much."Oh, do you, now? Too bad, though, that you are marked a total lunatic. Who will believe you, poor thing? I'll tell you what. There was no book. It was just a figment of your desperate imagination, a thing you created to assure yourself that someone cared enough to visit and give you something to entertain yourself with."

By now, Dib was shaking, rage barely kept in check. Usually, he just put up with whatever shit they pulled with him, keeping still so they wouldn't have a reason to do more tests or feed him with even more chemicals. But this... this right now was really pushing it. „I repeat. Return, My book. To me."

„Or what, Dib? Will you call security, tell the doctor about how we're making fun of you and making you our plaything? You, boy, can do nothing." She laughed, taunted, clearly still wonderfully amused by all of this.

„Nothing...?" he whispered, unclenching his fists, yet keeping his smoldering, golden stare on her. It was his turn to smile now. „Nothing.. no.. I'll tell you what. I am already locked up in this asylum... labeled mentally unstable and insane. Do tell me, what could be worse...?" The unfamiliar, sudden lowness of his voice seemed to startle the nurse into actually listening instead of just making fun of him. „What do you mean?"

Dry lips stretched into a wide smile as dark realization dawned in the boy.

„I can do whatever I want... and get away with it because I AM crazy. Right? No one will blame the poor, insane child. It must have been a horrible halluzination... he couldn't have known what he was doing... right? You said so yourself. No one will believe I actually knew what I was doing."

Very abruptly, the young woman became aware that somehow, Dib was now between her and the door and this new turn of events wasn't one she had been expecting. „Okay, don't do anything stupid! I'll call the orderlies!"

„Go ahead, see if I care. See if it will help you." The smaller boy hissed and with a quick motion, he was upon her, knocking her to the ground with his lithe weight, one hand immediately over her mouth to keep her from screaming.

She did struggle, scratching at his arms and trying to pull his now longer hair, but he held on to her with a strength neither of them knew he possessed, silencing her cries effectively. „Now... what would an insane child like me do...?" His short fingernails dug into the smooth skin on her cheeks and jaw, drawing blood easily and causing tears to rise in her eyes. A voice in his head told him to stop this, to let her go with a good scare and then pretend this never happened. But it was happening. And Dib knew the harrassment and taunting would not stop. It would probably only get worse, should he let this woman go. He couldn't allow that to happen. Lips curled back over white teeth, grin spreading wider. Even as a strange, numb calmness settled over his mind.

His free hand slowly curled around a pale neck, thumb pressing down with deadly precision. The hand on her bloodied face twisted, digging fingertips into her eyes and pressing her mouth and nose closed, Her sharp fingernails, her desperate punches and kicks, the sting of the bleeding scratches on his own skin, Dib didn't feel any of them. All he felt was the rapid pulse, beating against his palms, quickening, quickening and then...

Hard arms connected with him, jerked him off of the young woman and sending him crashing into a wall. As he slid down into a half-sitting position, he watched as two large men rushed to help the unmoving body on the ground, shouting for the paramedic and starting to administer first-aid.

Dib looked down at his hands and arms, covered in two types of blood and scratches. He was trembling but felt surprisingly calm. Finally one of the men, pale as chalk, turned to look at him, terror in his eyes and clearly unbelieving at what he was witnessing. Honey-colored eyes just stared back calmly, feeling the tug of his returning grin on his lips. There was a low, shocked whisper of „She's dead..." folllowed by complete silence.

Then, he laughed.

It was loud and ecstatic, and Dib's whole, thin body shook with the force of it.

He knew he had just destroyed his last chance to ever get out of here again, but the looks on their faces... the deep, burning satisfaction he felt at this very moment was worth it. Even when he was roughly yanked up to his feet and someone rammed a needle into his arm, he grinned and laughed at them, not fighting as his world started to blur and twist before he succumbed to the heavy sedative.

When he woke next, he wasn't really surprised to find himself in a stiff and heavy straitjacket, lying on the telltale soft floor of his little, sterile, white padded cell. His hair was damp and Dib figured they had given him a thorough shower and disinfected the areas of his skin that had come into contact with blood. He didn't bother sitting up just yet, feeling exhausted and groggy, partly from the heavy medication and partly from the will it took him to accept that this would probably be his home for a very, very long time.

There was no real regret...

He didn't regret what he had done. She had been begging for that to happen. There was only one thing he truly regretted.

He would not see Zim again. Turning his head, he let his dark locks hide his face from view. Even without a look around Dib knew that he was being watched and he would not let them see his emotions.

He missed Zim.

Was he doing okay? Had he found a cure for himself? Dib hoped so. And he found himself hoping, just a bit, that the little alien WOULD finally follow through with his plans and invade this planet, wipe out what he found and earn himself the praise and acknowledgement he so craved. Now that he wasn't around anymore to stop him, Zim would surely have a fun time preparing for all of their doom.

Maybe that's what Ms. Bitters had meant...

Endure what you must until the time has come.

Rolling over onto his back, his eyes found the ceiling, even without his glasses. They must have taken them so he couldn't hurt himself – or others – with them. A sigh slid from his lips and he smiled again. He was nothing if not patient when he was waiting for something good. And it was all right.

Time became unseizable quickly, the light in this room never changed, they didn't even allow him darkness to sleep in, his meals came in irregular patterns and no one bothered speaking with him. Sometimes he wondered just what kind of therapy this was supposed to be when even the doctors stopped talking to him and he was simply kept locked up and out of sight.

Maybe that was just it.

He had been locked away to protect himself and others from him.

From now on, he just waited for the time to pass, staring at the white, padded walls that made up his current universe.


	4. Chapter 4

Save me...

Around him was nothing. White, windowless walls, white floor, white ceiling, white corners, white, stiff fabric forcing his body into submission, white, white, white. Turning his head a bit, he discovered that even his skin had become white, as if trying to blend into the background so he could finally disappear. The only contrast were the messy, black strands of his hair, falling into his eyes and over his face whenever he moved his head.

It was all he ever did now. Moving his head slowly from side to side, searching his barren room for anything else than the glaring white of the thick padding. But there was nothing.

He wanted back his book. Or... anything, really. They wouldn't allow him anything, though. No books, no pens, no paper, no TV, no radio, no nothing. All he had now were his own thoughts to entertain himself with and the irregular patterns in which the orderlies brought his meals quickly became his sad highlights of his life.

Dib wanted to dissappear.

Turning his body awkwardly on the ground, he rolled to his stomach, making his black hair fall over his face and grant him some darkness. This was nice.

Very slowly, he pushed himself into a corner with his weak legs, until he could press his face into the very nook of the padding until he had blocked out all the sickening, white light around him. Curling up into a protective little ball, Dib decided that this was a nice place to stay for a while.

He must have fallen asleep, because when he heard a low, crunching noise, he jerked awake, startled. This was new. There never were any sounds, the padding on the walls making sure there was nothing to disturb the patients. Even the doors opened soundlessly, the orderlies' breathing often the loudest sound Dib heard anymore. Blinking his heavy eyelids slowly, he tried pulling himself out of his own head just enough to make out where the sound came from.

Nothing.

Bare, white walls all around him.

Nothing.

This was possibly it, then... he was starting to hear sounds where there were none. And loud ones at that. The noise from before returned, more distinctive now. The crunching grew louder and closer, making Dib want to cover his ears despite the inability to move his arms within the straitjacket. Not that it would help. Probably, he was hearing it inside of his head, anyway, and even if he could cover his ears, it wouldn't help.

Just when Dib thought the noise would crack his skull, the wall opposite of him caved in with a low rumble, sending clouds of dust into the room, ripping the white padding away to expose a large hole, and a small figure looming within the thick dust.

Wide-eyed and terrified, the boy stared at the scene before him, These sure were some powerful and lucid halluzinations, he could even smell and taste the heavy dust in the air, even when he tried scooting away from the hole as far as the small room would allow. Slowly, the dust settled and the figure became clearer, moving towards him.

Dib did not comprehend what he was seeing,

There was a metallic, scuttling noise and before he had time to register it, the tiny, hidden cameras in his room were gone, destroyed by metallic limbs.

Finally, the informations his numbed senses were shooting at his brain registered with him and Dib shuddered. „Zim..." the sound of his own voice hurt his ears, grating, hoarse and so pitiful.

The green-skinned alien just stood before him, magenta eyes wide and glowing with so many expressions that Dib had to lower his own eyes to the once white, now dirt-covered, floor again. Pity, shock, anger and disgust had been in those eyes and the human boy had troubles processing this much... sensation all at once.

Zim didn't move for a very long moment, too shocked at what he was seeing.

It had been six months since Dib had disappeared. Six months and the once healthy looking boy had been reduced to.-. this. Zim didn't even know what to call it. Dib was painfully haggard, thin legs folded weakly underneath his bound body, eyes circled by dark shadows and his once shiny, black hair hung limply in messy, matted strands around the pale face. And his skin.. the once somewhat healthy pink color had been bleached away by the light to leave a sickly, almost translucent layer of waxen skin, blood vessels showing beneath it too obviously to be healthy.

This wouldn't do. Zim had enough common sense left to remember where they were. And they couldn't stay. „Dib-thing. Can you walk?" He felt ridiculous for asking, judging by the sheer looks of the pale human child, he would be lucky if he even managed to sit up properly. But despite his doubts, the boy nodded, his lips moving but barely sound escaping.

„You're not really here... you're.. not here... not real..." he whispered, certain that he had finally lost his mind for good and his brain was teasing him with twisted memories.

Moving over to Dib, Zim pulled up his hand and backhanded him accross the cheek. Not too hard, mindful of the fragile state of the human, but hard enough to get his point accross clearly enough.

„Does this feel unreal to you, Dib-thing?" He growled and used one of his PAK legs to cut away the buckles and straps from the straightjacket. He left the rest of the jacket intact for now, since it wouldn't do to have the Dib run around naked.

Dib still didn't fully understand what was going on, everything was happening too fast, it was too loud and too... it was just too much for his deprived senses. There was a sudden pain on his face and when his arms were freed, he bit back a groan, his shoulders and joints not used to being moved anymore and it hurt.

It hurt and it felt so, so good.

The pain pulled him out of his head and back into the real world, just long enough to ensure himself that Zim WAS here. That he WAS real and he was going to get him out of here.

The look in those sunken, golden eyes unnerved Zim. By now, any doubts he might have had about if getting the Human back was a good idea or not were gone. A part of him cursed himself for not having done this sooner. But right now, there was no time. Thoughts like that would have to wait until later, when they were back at his base and out of sight.

Not wasting any more time, the petite alien pulled Dib to his feet with a strength that betrayed the tiny body, easily managing to support the larger human as they made their way back to the large hole in the wall. Again, Dib tried to speak, but only a hoarse, broken whisper made it past his lips. „No disguise.. 's the.. voot?"

Zim understood and shook his head. „Not here, it would have been too obvious. We'll have to walk a bit."

The small tunnel was barely three meters long, but to Dib it felt like climbing a mountain. His feet moved sluggishly, not obeying the commands he gave them. Without the small Irken's suppurt, he knew he would collapse. A part of Dib wondered why there wasn't anyone following them yet. Stumbling, they finally reached the other end of the tunnel, standing in the sizeable hole that had been blasted in the side wall of the building – most likely by Zim's PAK lasers. Dib gasped at the sight before him. It was nighttime and somehow, the orderlies had brought him to what was easily the 5th or 6th story of the building,

The height caused Dib to feel even dizzier and he instinctively held on to the alien's uniform with all the strength he had left, already feeling his knees buckle. „Zim..."

The alien wrapped a spindly but strong arm around the too-thin waist and grinned a little. „We'll take the quick way down, so hold on tight, I am not going to catch you if you fall."

Somehow, in some twisted way, this calmed Dib and he nodded, not struggling when Zim unceremoniously jumped out of the hole in the wall and sent them falling. The human simply closed his eyes, ignoring the wild lurch his stomach did as they dropped several storys, until Zim's PAK legs shot out and stopped their rapid decend with a jerk. Before anyone noticed them – and Dib wondered just how exactly Zim had managed to blast away a giant part of wall on a hospital building without ANYONE seeming to notice – the alien lowered them to the ground almost gently.  
As soon as Zim stood, Dib still suspended from the thin body, he made a quick dash down a narrow alley into the protecting darkness. After rounding another corner, he stopped in a blind alley. It was almost completely dark, providing them with a good momentary hiding place. Slowly, Zim lowered Dib down on his shaking feet. The human managed to stand on his own after finding his balance and took a moment to catch his breath.

„You look like hell, Dib-thing."

Dib shifted his eyes to Zim and grinned, feeling giddy all of a sudden. He was in so much pain right now, his joints aching from being put under such strain so suddenly after so many weeks of disuse, his head hurt from all the sensations of color and scent and sound and he felt so very alive.

His voice still didn't work properly, but he managed a low whisper. „But I feel... like heaven."

Magenta eyes were locked to honey-colored ones and the smaller male felt relieved beyond words to see that little sparkle return, albeit slowly, to the human's expression. It didn't last long. Dib was still weak and he had used up what little energy he had for the quick escape. Unable to stand any longer, he collapsed to the ground, still trying to catch his breath. Zim cursed. „Pitiful human... stay here, I'll get the voot. Don't move or I'll leave you for them to find." It was an empty threat, both knew, but Dib just grinned again, near-euphoric at the familiarity of this all.

Only a few moments later, Zim returned with the small spaceship, landing it next to the human. With some effort, the petite alien managed to pick the exhausted boy up and maneuver him into the tiny irken vessel. The flight back to his base was uneventfull and silent and by the time they arrived, Dib had already fallen back asleep, not even twitching when he was moved again and put on one of the examination tables in the underground lab.

Zim watched the human sleep for the longest while, wondering about all the things that happened up until this moment.

At first, when the Dib had dissappeared, Zim had been angry, waiting for his donuts. Soon enough, though, it became obvious that the human hadn't just forgotten about it or gotten distraced. After three days, he couldn't have denied it anymore.

Dib had vanished.

The alien had even gone so far as to return to school for a few days to see where the boy had gone. It was all over the place, in rumors, whisperes between cliques and sometimes shouted loudly through the whole cafeteria in mockery.

The crazy house. Heh. Such a fitting place. It served the Dib right to get locked away there and it just made things so much easier for the invader.

Without the bothersome nuisance around, taking over the planet would be child's play!

First, he'd find himself a cure, then he'd doom the earth as he had set out to do in the first place.

But the feeling of success hadn't lasted.

Not at all.

A month after Dib had left, Zim had gotten bored. It just was no fun to come up with new plans and new schemes when there was no one around to listen to him brag about them. Or try to stop him. Or just be there at all.

Within the sanctuary of his own mind, where he was the only one to judge his thoughts, he had to admit that it was nice to have the human around, with his stupid voice and his useless ideas. But he was.. sort of entertaining. Somehow, Zim had gotten used to having company, not that he NEEDED any.

Another month had passed and frustration had began to form. There was no cure in sight. Not that they had been any more successful as a team, but at least they had kept each other from growing too fed up with their experiments. On his own, the failures were his fault and his alone. No stupid human to blame, no stupid human to tell him to just start over with a different substance and no stupid human to offer him some self-made snacks that were actually edible.

His little robot minion, Gir, had become so very useless and annoying. Zim had started to ask himself if the deranged thing had been this way from the very start or if he had been cultivating his stupidity.

As the weeks had passed by, Zim had tried going on with what he had been doing before, planning to doom mankind in the most creative ways he could come up with. But it had become so very, very dull. Even when his Tallest had started to voice their displeasure at his failures more explicitly, he couldn't bring himself to put more efforts into his plans. There just wasn't any challenge anymore.

What shallow victory it would be, afterall, to take over the world when there was no one to try and stop him.

So, at some point, Zim just had decided that the Dib needed to come back.

Looking down on the pale, thin body sleeping on the metal table, a small part of him wished he had taken him back sooner. Maybe there would have been less damage done. But things were as they were now, and - how did the humans say? - there was no use crying over spilled milk.

„Computer, run a diagnostic scan and compare the results with the Dib's last scan. Check for chemicals and needed nutrition." A robotic voice gave an affirmative and there was quiet beeping. That taken care of, Zim turned around. „GIR!" he shouted, not even bothering to question where the little robot had been before he dropped right in front of his feet with a lout, metallic clank. „Yes, my lord!" it called, the short second of actually being in duty mode fading as quickly as it had come. „I need you to listen, Gir." Not that the robot would, but Zim had learned what he could use to lure the deranged thing with.

„Listen, Gir." He repeated slowly. „I need you to go outside and buy tacos. Do you understand?"

The near-psychotic grin on the robot's blank face was almost painful to look at and Zim rolled his eyes, pressing some money into the metal fingers. „Do not come back until you've eaten all the tacos you can buy with this."

This would keep Gir busy and away from the base for at least half a day. Zim watched his little not-so-helpfull little helper bounce off with a happy screech, turning his attention back to the human when silence returned to his lab. Dib still slept deeply, breathing slowly and not having moved once, even with the noise around him. The scan was done and the alien moved over to the large screen to view the results. Malnutrition, not surprising. Copious amounts of chemicals, probably medication he had received, and no surprise there, either. But that could cause problems once the effects wore off. During their experimenting with different chemicals, Dib had explained some pointless things about human anatomy and their reactions to certain drugs. Like addiction. And withdrawal.

Frowning, the petite alien watched the sleeping human a little while longer, getting impatient fast. But he knew the miserably frail being before him needed his rest after this escape.

Instead of giving in to the urge to poke the Dib into the ribs until he woke, Zim left to find something for the human to eat. There wasn't much left from the supplies Dib had stashed away in his kitchen, but some canned soup and a few cookies would possibly do for now, until there was time to get something else. Returning down to his lab, Zim found that Dib had shifted in his sleep, now laying curled up on his side and looking a little more alive than before.

Just when he was setting down the food, Dib sighed and shifted again, blinking his tired eyes open just a crack. After a moment of silence, the thin body tensed and jerked, a sudden, hoarse scream causing even the trained invader to jump in surprise. There was no time to react when the disoriented human surged up from the metal table and crashed to the ground, scrambling back in blind panic until his back connected hard with the wall and the computer console. Too wide, golden eyes darted back and forth, unable to understand where he was and what had happened, breath going fast and his weak limbs working in vain to press his body tighter into the unyielding corner behind him. Anything to get him away from the unfamiliar surroundings. It was too colorful, too dark, too hard, too loud and he couldn't understand why he was here or how he had gotten here.

„Dib-thing calm DOWN!"

Hands were on him, holding him in place but Dib was still so caught up in his panic that he didn't recognize the figure in front of him at all. When he started struggling, lashing out with what little strength he had, there was a pause and then, a slapping noise.

The pain registered a few seconds later and finally, Dib managed to stop struggling long enough to look at the figure in front of him. Gasping, the boy focussed his honey-colored eyes on large, pink orbs and somehow wormed his way out of his own head and back to the reality around him. „Z... Zim...?"


	5. Chapter 5

„I repeat, Dib-thing. Calm. Down. Now!" Zim stared sternly into wild, wide eyes. Dib couldn't do anything else but nod slowly, trying to somehow calm his breaths and regain his bearings. Still, his eyes darted back and forth, taking in the strange room around him. It took another few moments until he finally caught up.

„Base..?" he whispered, coughing a little in hopes of getting his voice to work better.

Relaxing as well, the alien nodded. „Yes. We're in Zim's base. Are you done with your tantrum now?" Taking another slow, calming breath, the boy quietly nodded, recognizing the familiar irken technology around him. Zim stood, quietly relieved that the pale human had now calmed enough to be reasonable again.

Another silent moment passed, in which Dib cowered in the corner, trying to get his bearings properly. Slowly, his brain caught up with his new situation and he hissed quietly, becoming aware of the throbbing pain in his hip and arms from when he had crashed from the table. Now that the euphoria at being freed had dulled slightly, the pain stole away his energy, instead of adding to it like it had before.

Frowning, Zim kept watching him, unsure what to do with the boy. „Do you need some sort of pain relief?" Dib hesitated, but shook his head after a few moments. „No... too much... medicine..." he rasped, and the alien nodded in understanding. It probably really wouldn't do to add more chemicals to the cocktail in the Dib's blood.

Seemingly, the position of being curled up tightly in the small corner was somewhat comforting to the human, since he didn't make any attempts to move from his spot, instead leaning back into it in a more or less relaxed manner, boney knees pulled up against his chest. „Th.. thirsty, though..."

Pursing his lips in revulsion, Zim debated with himself if he should actually go as far as to bring earth water into his base for Dib, but he couldn't bring himself to.

„Zim has soda cans, you can have that."

Nodding quickly, Dib even managed a tiny smile, remembering the Iken's intolerance to the polluted Earth water.

Still, Zim was reluctant to leave the boy by himself, unable to predict how he would acclimate himself. "Just stay here and don't move, Dib-thing. Don't. Move." He stressed the last part and only moved after Dib had nodded. Once the alien was gone, Dib rested his head on his drawn-up knees, closing his eyes against the blinking, multicolored lights in the lab. His head hurt and the thoughts running through his still foggy brain were jumbled, not making much sense even to himself, so he told himself to just try and calm down again and again.

He was okay now.

Zim had saved him and he was okay now.

There would be no more drugs, no more staring into white nothings and no more people in white coats laughing at him. No more clicking and beeping...

Wait...

Dib frowned, there hadn't been any noises in his room. None at all, aside from his own breathing and soft rustle of cloth and hair when he moved. Where did the noise in his memories come from?

Why was he hearing it now?

With a startled jerk and a soundless cry he was torn out of his own head to find Zim too close to him, staring at him strangely with his large, magenta eyes. Instinctively, he lashed out at him in a terrified fit, managing to kick the alien's right knee. It barely held any strength, though, hardly causing the invader to stumble. It still annoyed Zim, though.

And it worried him.

"Dib-thing STOP it!" Suppressing the urge to throw the six-pack of soda right at Dib's large head for kicking him, Zim took a few steps back to let him have some room. For now, this seemed to do the trick and the wild look in the boy's eyes dimmed, just as the rest of him stopped trying to mash his back right INTO the unyielding metal console behind him.

Dib finally came around and calmed enough to return to reality. "Sorry..." he whispered, still trembling. This wasn't good. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had not even noticed that Zim had returned and probably had been talking to him, which his mind had warped into the displaced noise in his memories. Lowering his eyes, the boy bit at his lip. This wasn't good.

Before he went back into his own mind too far again, something knocked against his forehead, causing him to wince. Looking up again, he found an annoyed alien glaring down at him, almost smushing one of the soda cans into his forehead. "Drink this and then Zim'll figure out a way to fix you."

Taking the can, Dib offered another tiny smile, willing his weak fingers to pull open the tab, jerking a bit at the hiss that followed. He had expected it, but it still was a strain on his oversensitive senses. The fizzy liquid burned in his mouth and throat, but the sweet taste made up for it.

Again, Zim just stood there, not knowing what he should do with the boy. Finally, after a few minutes, he decided that preparing a place for Dib to rest at would be the best idea. In this weakened state, the alien doubted his companion would be able to do much besides rest and recover for a while. But again, he did not feel well with leaving the distraught human by himself.

"Dib-thing." He started slowly. "You weak humans need to sleep, so Zim will try and find a blanket or something. Do not move. Just stay here until I'm back."

Dib nodded and shifted a little into a more comfortable position, though he didn't budge from his spot in the corner. With an inaudible huff, Zim turned around and left the lab room, looking for a smaller room he could use to create a makeshift bedroom for the human. The couch on the ground level wouldn't do anymore, the risk of someone spotting the Dib was too great. While he really doubted anyone on this filthy planet would actually be smart enough to look for him here, Zim still knew when to be cautious.

It took a little while, but he found a suitable, empty room and used some spare padding from his giant storage rooms to create a stopgap mattress which Dib could use for sleeping. A few blankets were easier to find, Dib having brought them himself several months ago. It would be good enough, Zim decided, until he had the time to figure out something better.

He returned to the lab room with a self-satisfied smirk, but stopped when he spotted the human. He hadn't moved at all from his spot, still sitting curled up in the small corner and nursing at what looked to be the third can of soda with a content expression. Once again, the Dib had failed to notice his presence, too lost in his own thoughts, as it seemed. Zim downright scowled at that.

Some "treatment" it had been.

He knew Dib had been sent to the asylum to get fixed. To treat the boy's brain and make him better, less insane.

Looking at what he had taken away from there, the alien found himself questioning human intelligence more than ever before. Instead of fixing the Dib, they had damaged him even more. Almost beyond recognition even. Inferior human race. Primitive technology and archaic medical equipment. Barbarians. That's what they were.

Filthy.

Even after a few minutes, the Dib hadn't noticed the alien, so Zim made some noise to announce his presence, finally. He cleared his throat and made his boots stomp a little louder than necessary on the metal floor. This time, it seemed to work and Dib jerked, looking up at the alien with startled, wild eyes. "Zim generously made you a place to sleep. So get up and go get some rest. I will not have you uselessly sitting in my lab and blocking my computer." He huffed, though it lacked real malice. The human relaxed slowly, nodding with a small, grateful smile.

Dib sipped from his soda again. "Okay..." he whispered, shifting slowly to pull himself up to his feet unsteadily. After the large dose of sugar, he felt somewhat better and less weak. Still, his meager legs barely supported his weight, little as it was and he reeled, grabbing the console with one hand to steady himself.

Frowning in concentration, Dib managed a few shaky steps, supporting some of his weight with his arms.

His alien companion watched quietly, not impressed by the weakness the boy displayed. It was unlike him and Zim did not know how to handle this. Obviously, Dib would not make it to his room on his own, so, with a sigh, Zim moved next to him and pulled a thin arm around his shoulders.

"Come, pathetic Dib-thing. I don't have all day to watch you crawl around my lab." For the first time since they had returned, he noticed that the Dib had grown taller. It wasn't that much, but Zim quietly found himself sulking at the new fact that the boy now was undeniably taller than him, if only by an inch or maybe two.  
With some effort and too slow for the alien's comfort, they made their way to Dib's new room.

On shaking legs, Dib took a look around. The room was dark, illuminated only dimly by a few glowing panels and buttons. But it was enough for Dib to see.

It wasn't white.

It was perfect.

The sight of the small, makeshift bed coaxed a smile onto Dib's dry lips and he swallowed. "Zim..." damn his useless vocal cords, he sounded so pitiful. But then again... he WAS pitifil right now. Too weak, too sick, too pathetic.

And if it hadn't been for Zim, he would still be surrounded by sterile white, encased by deafening silence and left alone to rot away with nothing left but his own, jumbled thoughts. But the alien had gone out of his way to get him free. It made his insides twist almost painful in realization. Zim had risked a lot to break him out...  
Shaking his head, Dib turned, facing Zim without letting go of his supportive hold and before the alien even knew what was happening, he found himself pressed against a meager chest, surrounded by surprisingly warm arms.

The Dib was hugging him.

"Thank you... for saving me..."

Stiffening in the unfamiliar hold, the smaller male fought to reply, scoff at the silly human, laugh, say anything at all, really, but when he felt acrid moisture touch the side of his face, he found he could only nod stupidly.

The Dib was crying. And for some reason, Zim couldn't bring himself to push him off, standing perfectly still until the human was... done with what he was doing.

It lasted only a short moment longer, Dib pulling back and rubbing at his tired, wet eyes quickly. "Sorry... I'd... better sleep now..." he whispered, managing to walk the few steps over to the bed by himself.

Zim nodded again. "Yes... do not..." he paused as the boy flopped down, face first, onto the soft padding, already closing his eyes in exhaustion. "Do not do anything stupid, Dib-thing. Zim does not want you wandering about in HIS base on your own and you are not..." trailing off, he huffed at the already deeply sleeping human, trying to make himself feel offended at not being listened to.

Again, he found he couldn't and instead made a mental note to tell him off for that when he had finished sleeping. For a moment, the alien stayed, just watching the slow rise and fall of the boy's back as he breathed. Then, with a quiet tsk-ing sound, he turned on his heel and left the room.

There were a lot of things to be taken care of, starting with finding some basic things for the human, like food and proper clothing.

At least until Dib was back in his right mind and could supply for himself again.

That sparked another thought. Dib was still pumped full with chemicals and he remembered all too well what he had told him during their experiments. Abandoning his quest for food and clothes at once, Zim rounded a corner and sat down at one of the larger computer screens. "Computer! Show me the Dib's last scan results and list the contents of his blood sample." Only a second later, several lines of words popped up in glaring, neon blue letters. "Look up the chemicals in the database and simulate the effects on a human organism."

Leaning back, the alien frowned at the data that flashed on the screen, some of it obviously faulty as the computer tried to do what it usually did.. make "educated guesses" when it drew up blanks.


	6. Chapter 6

For several hours, Zim's base was silent again. Silent like it had been when Dib was gone. Like it had been before the meddlesome human had started to work with him all those months... this whole YEAR ago. It was both soothing and unnerving.

But he had things to concentrate on. Like figuring out what to do about the ridiculous amount of medication in the boy's system. The internet he used on a separate, human laptop – for fears of his own computer catching a virus or being detected - had provided him with a little more information on the different chemicals and their effect Not that the alien liked any of them. Just when he wanted to add data to the simulations, a scream tore through the base, making him jerk.

Without thinking, the alien shot up and was at the Dib's room within seconds.

When Zim opened the door, he almost winced at the sight of the human. Dib sat curled up on the floor in the far side of the room, back once again squeezed violently into the very corner. His thin thighs trembled and shook with the force he used to push himself further into the nook, to make himself as small as possible.

"Dib-thing!"

Another startled scream, but at least, the human looked up at him this time, eyes impossibly wide and panicked, but, and Zim was more than relieved to notice, there was recognition in the honey-colored orbs.

"Z..Zim! Wh.. where.. I don't... wh... I... where...?" he stuttered, his voice still barely more than a hoarse whisper, words coming rushed and fuzzy.

Even with only Zim in the room, Dib seemed to try and flee from things that weren't there, legs working frantically to push his body back further into the corner, disregarding the fact that there was no space left to press himself into.

It was disturbing.

And it had to stop.

"Stop that! You're in Zim's base. The ONLY thing you need to fear is ZIM!" the alien hissed.

He realized that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to say. But once again, it seemed to work well enough.

Dib found himself staring at the agitated alien, forcing himself to really see him, to understand where he was. Zim's base. A room which Zim had prepared just for him. This was real. Zim was real and growing impatient.

After a few moments, Dib relaxed a little, looking as if he was beginning to return to reality just a little bit more he took in his surroundings with a gradually clearing head.

The alien, at this moment, WAS of course the only real threat. And yet...

"I.. don't fear you..." In any other situation, Zim would have felt insulted, his pride kicked with boots, but in this case, in this moment, it was different. The Dib understood. He understood that he was safe in this base and that there was no danger outside of his own head.

The most dangerous thing around was Zim and it was obvious that for now, he would not cause him any harm.

"S-... sorry.. this... is still... strange.."

Dib wished his voice would work better. He wanted to tell the alien so many things, ask him many things, but his throat hurt with every word and his tiny voice still was hoarse and weak.

Pitiful.

Very slowly, very unsteadily, Dib pulled himself to his feet, wanting to show at least the tiniest bit of strength. At least, he wanted to stand on his own two feet for a while. "What... will we do now?"

Zim shrugged, looking around the room and then back to the boy. "How would I know? Zim was fine on his own. You should probably... eat something and then wash. You're filthy." Truly, Dib felt grubby enough, feeling his mouth twitch into a half-smile at the thought of taking a nice, hot shower. It had been way too long without one.

"Can I use... your shower...?" Coughing, Dib tried to will his increasingly sore throat into working better. But still, all that would come out of his mouth were whispers. Giving up on that for now, he found Zim nodding, still eyeing him with a gauging expression. "I... I'm fine..." he tried, almost more to convince himself, rather than the green-skinned alien in front of him.

"Whatever, Dib-thing. Go and get a shower all you want. There ought to be some of your clothes left in the base. That filthy thing will be disposed of at once." He gestured to the torn straightjacket Dib still wore, making a disgusted face at it. For once, Dib could only agree wholeheartedly. The stiff and admittedly dirty fabric was starting to itch and chafe his pale skin.

"Thank you..." At least his legs obeyed him somewhat, allowing him to walk on his own for the first time in much too many weeks. Not, that it wasn't a difficult task or that it didn't hurt all of his joints, but Dib knew it was easier to stay focused when he could concentrate on the pain. He needed it to stay out of his own head.

Dib frowned. It was dangerous if he lost himself in his own thoughts too often or too deeply from now on. First, he needed to figure out how to get some of his strength back, proper food and rest surely were a good start. And then there was the issue of his escape. Was someone looking for him? Zim's base was a safe place, no one knew he was here, no one even knew it existed... and yet, some people knew he and Zim had spent a lot of time together. Would they come question the alien? Would they- "

His thoughts came to a screeching stop when pain exploded from his forehead. Groaning, he blinked, finding Zim standing disturbingly close to him, almost squeezed in between himself and a solid metal barrier. One black-gloved hand was raised, still hovering over the area where it had soundly smacked the human on the head just seconds before.

And Zim was GLARING at him.

"Dib-thing... what EXACTLY were you doing, trying to walk into Zim's walls?!"

Rubbing at the little sore spot on his head, the boy actually did find himself standing just barely an arm's length before a wall he would have walked into, hadn't it been for Zim stopping him.

A disturbed look crossed the honey-colored eyes and Dib lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry... I wasn't paying attention."

"Obviously not. Though I would advise you to start paying attention from now on. My base isn't a playground and you'll just end up running into a giant mixer."

Dib blinked at that. "You... have a giant mixer in your base?"

"...No. Now quit your chatting and go take a shower and then to your room and sleep, inferior human!"

Not even bothering to wonder about things like this anymore, the boy just nodded, trying to get back his orientation. Zim rolled his eyes and turned him into the right direction by the shoulders, giving him a light shove. "And Zim swears, if you don't manage your way back out of the shower yourself, I'll not come and pick you up again. So try to stay focused for at least five minutes." Another little push and Dib moved, nodding slowly.

"I'll try." And that was the sad truth. He couldn't promise it, staying on track was one of the hardest tasks he was faced with now. It was so frighteningly easy to get lost in his head. Slowly, he started to move, clenching his fists hard enough to feel the sting of nails biting into his palms. It helped to keep him out of his head long enough to make it to the little bathroom.

As far as he remembered, he had left some spare clothes in the little locker in the bathroom and if Zim hadn't removed them, they should still be there. A pair of pants and a simple sweater greeted him when he opened the locker door. They would do just fine for now.

Finally, finally Dib could peel out of the straightjacket, throwing the filthy thing into the next corner with just a little more force than needed. Maybe Zim would show him a place where he could burn it. The human found the thought of watching it burn quite appealing, but for once he realized he was sinking into his mind too far again, shaking his head to clear it a little.

A shower would be much more pleasant now and with some difficulty, Dib climbed into the tub and turned on the pink liquid. As soon as the first, warm droplets hit his skin, he jerked, dropping to his knees with a little groan at the sensory shock of heat and wetness on his dry, sore skin. It took a lot of willpower to just stay where he was and not bolt out of the tub, but soon, the sensation dulled somewhat, as he got used to it again.

Slowly, Dib stood, starting to wash himself and he grimaced at the murky color that the light pink turned into. Even though he couldn't remember much, the human was suddenly very sure the staff at the asylum hadn't even bothered letting him take proper care of himself. Now that he thought about it, the last time he really had a shower was probably during the first month of his stay there.

Using rather copious amounts of shower gel and soap, he tried to get rid of all traces of dirt, stopping only after two more rounds of scrubbing when the liquid had stopped changing colors.

Finally feeling clean again, Dib shut off the shower and climbed out to dry himself off and dress. His clothes didn't fit.

While they were enough to cover him more or less properly, they didn't fit him anymore. The sleeves were a little too short while his pants tried to drop clean off his meager hips. Dib had never been anything else but slender, but to note that he had apparently grown in height and STILL lost enough weight that his pants wouldn't fit anymore made the boy feel a little lightheaded.

It was one thing to imagine what damage had been done to him. A completely different one to actually see it.

Luckily, there was no mirror, but looking down at himself as he pulled up the sweater to his chest, Dib could see protruding hipbones, his sunken stomach and the pattern of his ribs underneath deathly pale skin.

Sighing, he pulled the fabric back down, searching for one of the bathrobes to steal its belt for his pants.

That taken care of, the boy stepped out of the bathroom, finding Zim right there, waiting for him.

"What...?"

"You were in there for almost two hours." Magenta eyes narrowed at the boy, looking him over a moment. Whatever the alien must have been looking for, he seemed to have found it, unfolding his arms and shrugging dismissively. "Go rest now."

Nodding a little dumbly, Dib hesitated a moment before he turned around and made his way back to his little room, this time finding his way without further difficulties. Falling right back into the padding and comforters, he curled up in exhaustion. His head hurt and he knew he needed all the rest he could get. Proper rest. In a blissfully dark room just like this. The darkness around him was so very inviting, it closed around him with its welcoming calm.

Blinking lazily, Dib frowned at the sudden, strange upside-down picture of an all too familiar robot grinning at him in his patented, deranged way. "HI MARY!" It screeched and the sound nearly split the human's head. Giving a strangled shout, Dib tried to scramble away from Gir, not able to deal with him so soon.

Large, glowing eyes were fixed on him and there was panic rising quicker than he would have liked. "G... Gir, I want to sleep some more..." he tried, moving backwards and away from him until his back pressed against a wall. Of course, the little robot didn't get the hint, or if it did, he paid it no mind. Instead, Gir clapped his little hands loudly and jumped right on the bed with Dib, bursting into hysteric giggles.

It was all Dib could do to keep himself from screaming.

Hands flew up to cover his ears against the noise, each metallic clank and each giggle hammering in his ears and the boy's head felt like it would burst with the pain it caused. "Gir, stop! Please!" The robot looked up and tilted his head, the single antennae drooping almost sadly.

"Awww.. big-headed boy needs a huuuuug!"

This time, Dib did scream, hoarse and near-silent as it was. And when Gir started to step closer, opening his wiry arms, the boy lost it, kicking his legs until it connected with metal and sent Gir crashing down off the bed.

"GIR!" A new voice boomed and two sets of eyes, mint and honey, turned to the door, finding a seething alien. "Gir what are you DOING?! I TOLD YOU to stay away from the Dib-thing! OUT!"

Thankfully for Dib, the robot just gave another high-pitched giggle and scampered off, vanishing around the corner and down the corridor. Zim turned his magenta eyes at the human, narrowing them at the way he still clutched at his head.

Dib felt awful. His mind was reeling and pain was throbbing just behind his eyes. There was movement to his side and he jerked away, turning wide, confused eyes at the source. Zim crossed his arms and frowned at him. "You look worse than before."

Getting his thoughts back in order was hard and the boy swallowed thickly to get the sudden, acrid taste out of his mouth. Something was wrong with him, that much was sure. "How.. how long have I been back here...?"

"Almost two days now. Why?"

Rubbing at his temples, Dib tried to calm his breathing. "W-... Withdrawal... I.. I think I'm starting to.. show symptoms... I'm going cold turkey... there... I was on so.. many drugs, it's..." His speech turned mumbled and the boy had to swallow hard again, feeling his stomach protest violently at the stress.

"Zim... g-... gonna be sick..."

The alien didn't even hesitate, picking up one of the small, metal storage boxes that were in the room and handed it to the boy right before he retched. Stepping back with a truly disgusted look on his face, Zim shuddered as Dib emptied what little contents had been in his stomach into the box.

It took several moments in which Dib was dry heaving almost violently, feeling tears prick at his eyes, before he was finally done, panting harshly. "..'m sorry..."

Forcing himself not to gag as well, the alien shook his head. "Are you sure you don't want to get something to help with that? That's truly disgusting, Dib-thing."

Setting down the box with shaking hands, the boy curled up on his side on the bed, wiping at the tears on his cheeks. He shook his head. "No...taking more drugs would just delay this..." He coughed, feeling his sore throat with every word. Giving an unhappy noise, Dib hid behind one of his arms. "I wish there was a miracle medicine that'd just get this over with... but there.. isn't and I don't... I don't want this stuff in my body anymore..."

The little working part of his brain knew he'd have no other choice but to wait and hope his body would get rid of the chemicals and their side effects quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few hours turned out to be a slow road down to hell.

It had started slowly at first. Dib's headache started to worsen, a dull throb intensifying to a splitting, screaming pain right behind his eyes and in his forehead, tearing at his neck and throbbing in his ears.

The nausea didn't get much better, either, and even though Dib had neither eaten nor drunk anything since he woke, his stomach had decided to empty itself several more times. It forced up whatever it could find until all that left the boy's insides was bile.

His common sense told him vehemently, that he needed to at the very least get some liquids into his system. But the mere thought of swallowing even the tiniest bit of water made his stomach lurch painfully, the overworked muscles in his middle cramping in protest.

Zim watched him, most of the time, seriously beginning to question the boy's resolve to not take any medication to help his situation. By the way the human looked and moved, Zim knew it had to be torture.

But the Dib stayed firm, explaining again and again that he needed to get „clean" - a term that he also had to explain to the alien after Zim claimed he already HAD been cleaning himself in the shower – to get the drugs out of his system by waiting for his body to get rid of them and their effects on its own.

Inferior species. Inferior technology. Inferior planet.

How had they even managed to evolve so far and not even invent medication without having such severe side effects? Why even bother with medicine that made the sick even sicker in the end?

There had to be something that would at least ease the process and keep the Dib from dying. Judging by the ashen skin and uneven panting, Zim knew the thought wasn't that far-fetched. Cringing when the human forced himself into a sitting position, only to start dry-heaving again, the alien turned on his heel, unable to watch the pitiful display any longer. He returned to his main lab room to feed his computer with more data, trying to simulate the effect of several chemicals on the Dib's condition.

Said boy, in the meantime, was squirming on his little bed, trying to find a position in which he was in just a little less pain. Nothing seemed to work. Lying on his back would irritate his over-sensitive digestive tract, much the same went for lying on his sides, in the end, he just curled into a miserable little ball, kneeling on the bed while pressing his forehead against the cool padding.

He cursed the drugs, he cursed the quacksalvers at the hospital, he cursed his ex-counsellor Dwicky for leaving him behind with a stack of files that labelled him insane, he cursed his father for putting him there in the first place, he cursed himself for not having escaped sooner.

It took Dib a while to realise that he was screaming, digging his fingers into the padding beneath him hard enough that his knuckles had turned white. Every single muscle ached, Dib was so tense, and in pain and there was no escape.

There was motion next to him, the padding moved beneath him, dipping to one side, and then there was a chilly sensation at his arm. He wanted to look, find out what was touching him, but he couldn't, just trying to open his tightly closed eyelids proved to be too hard a task for him to achieve. To make up for his lack of motion, he felt his arm being moved, stretched and something squeezed around the stiff limb.

Dib didn't care. He couldn't see and he couldn't hear anything above his own blood thundering in his ears, he didn't care what was going on beyond that.

The sudden prick and hot stinging, however, did make it through his overstrained brain. They were doing it again!

They were drugging him again and he hadn't prevented it. Heat was building fast within him, spreading from his arm all throughout his body and Dib jerked, trying to lash out blind as he seemed to be, and tried to shove THEM away from him. To no avail. Too late.

The heat built and built, becoming almost unbearably searing within him, and the boy was sure he was going to die right then and there.

Just when he was reaching his breaking point, it stopped.

The blazing heat suddenly and quickly cooled down, leaving only a faint warmth in Dib's body and he found himself relaxing right along with the cooling fire in his veins.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the screaming pain within him dulled to a somewhat bearable level, allowing him to finally open his eyes just a crack, blinking tiredly through thick tears.

Green and pink... it took up his entire vision. Blinking again, Dib finally could focus enough to make out a blurry, green alien head and two large, magenta eyes looking down at him.

"Z... iiim..." he mumbled, feeling more miserable tears run over his pale face. The alien just nodded, doing something to his arm again. "Listen, Dib-thing. Zim gave you an injection with a catalyst compound. And an infusion with liquids. The simulation said..." Zim explained some more, but Dib was too exhausted to listen much. All that mattered right now, was that he was actually feeling better.

So much better.

Zim's words turned into a pleasant kind of white noise and all that the human managed was to roll to his side, stretching his cramped legs somewhat, and fall asleep on the spot. Stopping his words, the alien was tempted to smack the sleeping human for not listening to him. But looking at the pitifully exhausted form, he contented himself with an annoyed growl and a roll of his large eyes. Slowly, he moved away from his spot on the makeshift bed, making sure the infusion was safely taped to the boy's arm before he left the room again.

Dib slept...

For several hours, he just rested, aided by the even drip in his arm and whatever injection the alien had given him. He woke only slowly, feeling heavy, so very heavy and boneless. But even though he was still well aware of the throbbing headache and his aching limbs, he felt a lot better. At least he was good enough to actually recognise where he was.

Groaning, the boy shifted groggily, rolling onto his back to stare up at the wired, dark grey and pink ceiling. Turning his head a little, Dib's eyes found the alien-looking IV-drip connected to his arm and at least three empty plastic containers on the ground, plus the half-filled one still leaking clear, very light bluish liquids into him. For half a second, he wanted to panic and protest, fearing the alien substance would maybe harm him somehow.

But since he was too exhausted, he had no choice but to stay just where he was, having enough time to realise that at least it didn't kill him on the spot, since he was probably already pumped full of it.

"Zim...? H-... hey...?" He called quietly, swallowing dryly. His throat was once again raw and scratchy and Dib dimly remembered that he had been screaming again. Thinking back now, it didn't even feel real to him. Like the memory was someone else's entirely.

His glasses were gone and he was left staring at the blurry half-darkness around him. At the same time, he was glad for the lack of light. His head still throbbed painfully, even if it was a lot more bearable than before. The longer the human just lay there, the more he started to feel something akin to contentment. Whatever it was, dripping into his arm, it had at least taken care of most of his thirst and a good deal of his pain. With the rest, Dib could deal. However, it still bothered him that he didn't really know what had happened.

A noise reached his ears, a low, distant little clicking. As it drew closer, he could identify the sound as booted footsteps nearing his room. Good... he knew those steps. Zim was probably coming to check on him. And truly, only a few moments later, a blurry pink shape appeared in the half-opened door, pausing there. "Are you awake, Dib-thing?"

"Y-... eah..."

"Are you in your right mind?"

Dib frowned, confused a moment, but nodded. "Think so..."

"Are you going to go berserk on me again?"

What? The boy frowned even more, unable to tell what the alien meant. Zim must have noticed the confusion in his gaze, because he heard him sigh. "You tried biting me when I was changing the infusions. And you kicked me."

Too exhausted and weak to blush, Dib still had the decency to look shocked at that. "Wh... I-... I didn't.. don't remember..." It took a moment, but the human noted the lack of anger in the alien's voice. In fact.. now that he thought about it, Zim sounded tired. Had he taken care of him the entire time?

How long had he been out of it, anyway?

Coughing quietly, Dib tried to force his voice to work. "So sorry..." And he meant it. "How... long..."

Finally stepping closer to the bed, the alien crossed his arms. "Five days since I brought you here. Three days since you... lost your mind over that chemical WASTE you humans call medicine. Do you even know how much TIME it cost Zim to figure out how to neutralise that FILTH in your blood? And then you went and nearly dried up like a Plooka shot into the sun."

Even though he was a lot more awake and somewhat in his right mind, it was still hard to follow the irken's fast words. Dib's free arm rose to point at the infusion and the clear blue liquid.

"This...?"

"A compound of filtered water, salt, some nutrients I found suitable for you and a few nifty Irken substances. They will take care of keeping you alive for a while yet. The reaction was more intense than expected, but then again... you humans are a pathetic species."

"It's... good.. head.. hurts less. Not thirsty, too..." A tired smile worked its way onto the human's mouth and he sighed, blinking up at Zim. "Thank you... owe you one..."

"Yes... yes, you do. And SOME OWING you do! But first, you'll have to stop being a blubbering idiot and recover. Zim is tired of taking care of you." Finally, Zim seemed to be comfortable enough to move closer, kneeling next to the low, makeshift bed to check on the infusion. "There is some canned soup left somewhere. Do you think you can eat?"

Dib thought about this. Did he feel well enough to eat?

Instead of lurching or cramping, his stomach gave a hungry little growling noise at the thought of food and the boy found himself nodding. "Yes.. 'm hungry..."

"Very well. You just stay here and..." pink eyes narrowed at him. "And don't you dare go all crazy on me again. Gir's doing enough of that all day."

Another weak smile softened Dib's features. "..promise..." Not that he really could promise anything, that much he knew. The boy knew he couldn't even be sure he would even stay awake for the next five minutes. But he would try.

He noticed only then, that Zim had left already, probably to get him some food. Sighing, Dib started to stir, wanting to at least sit up somewhat. It proved to be harder than he had feared. Legs like rubbery lead and arms numb. The one with the infusion in it felt like it was nothing more than a horribly swollen noodle.

Groaning, the boy pushed himself up bit by bit until he was slumping against the wall and breathing fast. Still, he felt proud that he had even managed it that far.

A few minutes later, Zim returned with an opened, steaming can and a spoon, stopping in the doorway when he saw that Dib had actually moved. "You must be feeling better."

"Much better. ...that for me?"

Zim held out the can to him and with trembling hands, the human took it. It was hot, but bearably so. The scent that filled his nostrils made his mouth water immediately and it took much of Dib's self-control to not just drink it right out of the can in large gulps. Instead, he picked up the spoon and took a tentative mouthful.

Dib knew... he knew it was just plain, ordinary canned cream soup, nothing to be excited over, but to his neglected taste buds, it was like the finest delicacy. He ate slowly though, too afraid to upset his stomach by gorging on his little meal. But it seemed like whatever substances Zim had given him, they had settled his stomach as well and after finishing the soup, he felt nicely sated and warm.

"Thank you, Zim."

The alien shrugged and turned his gaze off to the side somewhere. Dib could almost swear the smaller being was flushing a little. "Whatever, Dib-thing. You can thank me by finally getting back on your feet. You need to figure out what to do now. Not that Zim cares, but your parent is probably looking for you, as well as those blue security drones."

"Police?"

"What part of 'I don't care' didn't you understand? Anyway... what now?"

Dib put the empty can down on the ground, trying to will his aching head to work. Sighing, he shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know yet... can.. I stay a while?"

Getting up to his feet, Zim gave a short nod. "You stayed here before, you might as well stay a little longer. Don't make me regret my INCREDIBLE charity, though! And don't..." Narrowed magenta eyes fixed on honey-colored ones. "Don't become all insane again. Or Zim swears you'll find yourself on your face on the ground out on the street before you'll know it."

The human smiled. "Will try."


	8. Chapter 8

Dib did try.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the boy worked on getting back on his feet. His alien companion watched the progress with keen eyes, even though Zim left him by himself most of the time. Dib was both glad and unhappy about that.

After all, the alien was the only being that he could talk to and somewhat trust anymore. In his own, weird way, Dib knew Zim cared for him and he was grateful for it. The ability to actually talk to someone, train his voice and not be entirely alone with his thoughts was like balm for his addled mind.

Gir... was another story. While he didn't dislike the little thing, there was no way he could stand the noise and the closeness the robot seemed to find desirable. No matter how often he told himself that Gir was harmless and just wanted to play or get some attention, the moment those glowing eyes and grabby, mechanical hands came too close, Dib lost it.

At least, after almost a week, the boy was able to use his own legs to carry himself away from Gir, instead of having to wait for either the robot to leave on his own – which he rarely ever did – or hope for Zim to appear and save him. It was infinitely embarrassing, so as soon as he could walk away by himself, Dib used that as another opportunity to move..., to train his weak, neglected muscles.

Taking walks around the lab quickly became a pain, a pleasure and purpose, all in one. Even though it had hurt to move more than a few steps at a time at first, his body got used to it quickly enough. The strain on his body helped letting his mind stay clear just a little better and he pushed himself a few steps further every day.

Another bonus was, it kept him alert and away from Gir. No matter how much better he felt, physically and mentally as well, Gir still managed to scare and surprise him every time he appeared.

Zim was fed up with his robot minion's shenanigans almost instantly and gave him as many tasks to distract him with as possible. It worked about half of the time, mostly when some kind of gross foods were involved. Anything to keep him away from the fragile thing that had once been his nemesis.

How pathetic Dib had become...

And yet, no matter how much he told himself that keeping him around was only a burden and a waste of space, time and energy, the alien couldn't bring himself to throw him out. Instead, he went as far as to put on his despised disguise and go shopping for disgusting human foods for the boy.

'Shopping' in this case usually meant he'd break in to different stores at night since Zim didn't really feel like providing money first. Dib knew he was stealing stuff, but strangely enough, he never once complained to him about it, rather simply thanking him for the efforts. Dib tried eating better and he didn't even question the sometimes exotic choices the alien made for his 'grocery list'.

Recovery was still slow, however, and the boy became frustrated quickly. The effects of the drugs lessened considerably after a few weeks, but it took a lot longer for the strength to return to his body.

His mind was a story on its own. Even weeks after he had been saved, Dib had serious lapses of concentration and memory. While he took longer and longer walks to build up his physical strength, he got lost almost constantly. Zim had wisely set up locks at some parts of his base, so the boy would not accidentally end up walking somewhere dangerous, Still, Dib would find himself running into obstacles, bumping into walls and simply ending up in places he hadn't meant to go to.

Often, way too often still, he lost to his own thoughts, drowning in his own mind until something pulled him out again. He was collecting smaller and bigger bruises with the way he moved around the lab, kicking boxes or hitting tables.  
But he was just a little glad for them. The pain pulled him out of his head for a moment and for a while, sometimes even hours, he was clear.

Zim watched all of it, trying to find a pattern in the boy's fluctuating mental state, but unable to find any. Dib was getting better, Dib was getting worse. It was easy to see that the regular meals and the little exercises did the human good. On the other hand, he switched between attentive and almost catatonic within mere seconds, breaking off randomly when he was speaking or stopping in his way to stare off into nothing.

It was unnerving and annoying.

And though he didn't admit it out loud, it still worried him. The alien had hoped that once Dib was back and well-fed and had slept properly for a while, he'd be back to his old self. It hadn't happened and the longer this went on, the more Zim was bothered by the thought that this might persist.

To distract himself from those thoughts, the little alien tried to continue working on what had more or less caused this whole dilemma. There still was the issue of their messed-up DNA and, in a way, Zim hoped that curing that might also help Dib recover from his mental issues. Maybe the faulty DNA in his body was giving him more troubles than they had assumed. Maybe once he had found a cure, Dib would get better, too.

There was a small noise behind him and Zim looked up from his newest experimental failure to see Dib standing in the doorway, sending him a questioning look. "What is it, Dib-thing? Zim is busy."

Dib actually smiled a little, which meant he was probably in a more healthy state of mind. Which calmed the alien, even if he didn't try and investigate why it did.

"I'm sorry. Can I... stay here a little? I don't feel like being on my own." The alien shrugged and turned back to his failing experiment.

"Do what you want."

"Can I help with something?" Dib pulled a chair next to Zim's and watched the data on the screen, relief obvious on his still-pale face when he recognized most of what he saw.

"What would you be helpful for? No... this one is faulty anyway. You'd help most if you became better."

"I know." Dib sighed a little, though he kept a soft smile, still too happy to actually be fully aware of what was happening around him. He wanted to stay like this as long as he was able. "Zim, I.. wanted to thank you for taking care of me like this. I know it's a pain. Especially the shopping and all that."

For a moment, the alien was at a loss for words, turning magenta orbs to the boy. He waved a dismissive hand "Yes, yes be thankful! You'd better be, Dib-thing. Don't expect this treatment forever." Then, those deep eyes turned back towards the screen. "Say, Dib-thing... I noticed people outside were looking for you. There were posters and a TV thing about you. That medical facility... Why did they keep you in there, anyway?"

Dib lowered his eyes and his fingers twitched in memory, finally just balling into fists on his lap. „At first, they just wanted to treat my insanity. You know... get the whole 'Zim is an alien' thing out of me... and those things about Bigfoot and all that. They said I was allowed to go back home once they cured me. But..."

Frowning, Zim watched as the boy paled and started to tremble at whatever memory replayed in his head. "They.. they messed with me. I couldn't take it anymore. I..." Again, thin hands twitched and flexed, curling and uncurling around air. "I killed a nurse." He finally rasped, closing his eyes.

Silence.

There was nothing that could possibly be the right reaction to this new bit of information and Zim simply kept staring at the younger human with wide, magenta orbs.

"What?"

Dib heaved a heavy sigh. "She just... she took away the only item that was really mine in there. She... she just wouldn't stop... so I..." His voice dropped back to a low whisper. "I had to make her stop." Zim's mouth opened and closed again, and the human rose from his seat in sudden agitation.

"Don't tell me it was wrong, it wasn't! She... she was... Do NOT tell me it was wrong!"

There was a confused frown on the green face. "...I didn't say a word."

Equal confusion replaced the momentary aggression on the boy's face and with the release of a tense breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding, Dib relaxed again. "I'm sorry... I..." A trembling hand lifted to rub some warmth into a suddenly cold forehead. "I don't know what just happened... I didn't mean to. This is all just..."

"Zim knows. But don't fret. Killing one of those pathetic humans isn't such a big deal. I killed a LOT of humans, and you don't see Zim getting all worried. It's nothing to worry about." the alien shrugged and Dib lifted one eyebrow.

"No, you didn't. You didn't kill a single one."

"Did, too! Lots and lots of pathetic squirmy humans!"

At that, the boy actually couldn't help a little laugh at the way Zim's chest puffed up in overconfident pride and those small, three-fingered fists shook in mock-threat. "No, you didn't, Zim. You caught two humans for experiments and you caused a lot of trouble and there were admittedly many injured... but you didn't really kill anyone." The burning magenta glare was ignored for now and Dib slowly sat down again, trying to push away the memory of murder in favor of using his clarity for something better.

"How are your experiments? Did you make any progress?" The grumpy shake of head was answer enough and Dib sighed. "I'll try and help when I can. Picking up on this might help me concentrate..." At least, it was what he hoped.

Concentration, however, was a rare good. Even months after his return and Dib still found himself lost more often than not. Sometimes, he would try and *sit down* for a new experiment on his own and without knowing how, he would *stand* in his bedroom or some other random place in the base. As usual without any clues as to how he had even gotten there.

Gaz...

How could he have forgotten about her? It was a sudden thought, really. One moment, there were plans to maybe simply move away from the city. His mind had wandered then. To the possibility that his father was looking for him. The police might be looking for him.

A few times, Gir had said that people were looking for him, outside...

And while thinking about his father and his home, Dib had remembered that he had a little sister, too.

Dropping to his knees with the sheer impact of the memory alone, the boy felt like banging his head against the wall. Hard.

Gaz... Gaz had been the only one in all that time that had bothered to stop by and visit him in the hospital, even if it had only been for a few hours, a day at most, it was impossible to say, really.

But she had been there.

She had given him a book.

It was more than anyone else had done for him – Zim aside – during all that time, including the years before his hospitalization. Dib shivered and rose in abrupt agitation. The need to hear a familiar voice was as sudden as it was overwhelming. He wanted to call her. He wanted to call her so bad, that he actually felt sudden tears rise in his eyes.

Zim had a normal phone on the ground level of his base, surely, Dib could use-

But no...

No.

The phone in his father's house had a caller identification display. Zim's number would be on display, they would know he had used Zim's phone to call, they would come, question the alien and they could find him, or worse, they could find out about the base and that Zim was an alien...

No, no, no!

No... there had to be another way.

Even in his sudden desperation, the human boy was sane enough to realize that he couldn't risk revealing their hiding place. They couldn't be found out. The danger was too great. He didn't want to return to the hospital. And He didn't want anyone to find out about Zim.

But still... he wanted, NEEDED, to hear his sister.

Maybe another phone. A phone in another City? Zim could maybe take him somewhere else where he could call in peace.

"Zim?! Zim where are you?" Probably, the more fitting question would have been 'where am I?' since, looking around, he had yet again found himself in a new part of the lab without much memory as to how he had even gotten there.

It didn't take more than half a minute for the smaller alien to appear, green head poking around a corner. There was poorly hidden concern in those large, magenta eyes. It was rare for Dib to call for him and when he did, usually something was wrong.

"What do you want, Dib-thing?"

The boy sent him an apologetic smile. "Can you... I mean... would you.. maybe... take me somewhere else? Another place... I really, really want to try calling my sister. I know we can't just call from here, they'll find out where I called from. But I want to hear her so, so badly, and I'll make it up to you somehow, I just really-" Dib rambled on and on, knowing he was rambling but unable to stop himself. Zim did it for him.

"SHUT up! Meddlesome human. Where would you have Zim take you to?"

Dib beamed, knowing Zim was actually considering giving in and taking him somewhere.

"Just another city, so when someone really does trace me, we'll be done and far away until they're there... just in case."

"We can do all that out in space. No one should be able to trace us when we're out, orbiting your pitiful planet. That should be far enough."

Dib blinked in surprise. "Can you actually connect to a phone from your ship?"

Zim scoffed at the question, puffing out his little chest. "Who do you think you're talking to?! Zim's been hacking into your planet's pathetic communication and satellite devices for years. Where do you think Gir gets his Tellyvee from?"

Dib smiled and shrugged. "I guess you have a point there. I'm sorry. So... will you take me to space so I can call my sister?"

Magenta eyes met with a honey-colored, excited stare. But he hesitated. "Are you sure you'll manage a trip like that?" It was a valid question and Dib lowered his eyes a moment. He was still very unstable. Mentally, he was still confused and unpredictable. Zim's worries were valid and the boy took a moment to think this over. Would he be able to stay calm and clear enough to not freak out while they were in the tiny voot cruiser Zim used?

"I... don't know. But..."

Zim shrugged. "We can try. I can still knock you out if you cause too much trouble. We can go later today. Zim needs to make a call. And I don't want you around." The sudden, uncommon seriousness in magenta eyes caught Dib off guard and he blinked, nodding slowly. "I'll pick up some food and eat in my room..."

The alien just nodded and turned around again.

That was strange, but Dib didn't have the mind to ponder the strange mood Zim was in.


	9. Chapter 9

Idly, Dib made rhythmic, clunking noises with a spoon and his empty soup can. Zim had been very clear about not wanting to be disturbed while he made... whatever call he needed to make. Something was off with that. Something was going on and the human was missing it.

Not that he was up to date with anything anymore, but, even if the moment had been short, Zim had been in a strange mood and it made him thoughtful. A sigh bubbled from his lips. It felt wrong to spend one of his rare, longer moments of being in a coherent state of mind by waiting in his room. But Dib didn't want to intrude in whatever was on Zim's mind too much, either.

Maybe it was something that had to do with Zim's "mission". Stopping the rhythmic clunking, Dib paused. Zim was still on a mission.

It was so easy to forget about that. Ever since this whole dilemma had begun, the little alien had stopped making big and boisterous plans to take over the earth or destroy humankind or other such shenanigans. At least, none that Zim had shown to him. And the boy knew, if the alien HAD had new plans, he WOULD have boasted about them.

At least, it was what he hoped. But... what if he hadn't done his "work". The irken Tallest, Zim's bosses, were they still waiting for new reports? When had Zim last reported back? Was he even still planning on taking over the earth?

During their experiments, they had never spoken of that again. Not really. It hadn't been important. Dib had been secure in the knowledge that earth was mostly safe during their truce. There had been no reason to worry, they had been so very busy with finding a cure...

But now...

No.

Zim had rescued him. He wouldn't just destroy Earth in silence without telling him. It wasn't... Zim's style. And maybe this whole sending him away thing was something else entirely. Dib just needed to wait and see what Zim would say when he was ba-

Blinking, Dib looked up when he quite suddenly became aware of a tapping noise and something dark moving right in front of him. After a short moment of trying to focus, the human noticed that, infact, Zim was standing in front of him, tapping his foot impatiently and waving a hand in front of his face.

"Dib-thing, it's really annoying when you keep zoning out right in front of Zim! Get up, we'll go to space now. And just to warn you. Should you start freaking out on me, I WILL knock you out."

With a little smile and a sigh, The boy nodded, pulling himself up. "I'm sorry, Zim. We can go now. Is... everything alright?" There was a moment of silence and for just a second, a dark look crossed the alien's fine features before it smoothed away just as quickly.

"None of your business. Get moving or Zim might change his mind." Turning on his heel, Zim marched down the hall towards the small hangar where the voot cruiser was warming up. Dib watched the firmly straightened little back vanish behind a corner and couldn't shake off the feeling that something was still wrong.

But to prevent himself from falling right back into his own thoughts, Dib stood and hurried to follow the smaller to the hangar.

Soon enough, the both of them were crammed into the little spaceship. It wasn't very spacious, but the human took a calming breath, knowing it would be fine. After all, he was going to speak to his sister. It was a rather small price to pay, in his opinion. And he would see space again.

Now there was a thought.

He would finally get to see space without having to battle, or escape from Zim. While the voot started up with a low, buzzing noise, the human found himself smiling widely. Sure, he had been to space several times now, but never had he had the opportunity to actually enjoy it. One time, Zim had discovered the fact that the planet Mars (as well as Mercury for that matter) was actually a spaceship, and he had been trying to destroy all life on Earth with it. Dib had managed to fly to Mercury just in time to stop him with the second ship disguised as a planet.

Then, there was the time when Zim had captured him to try several experiments on him. Luckily, he had been saved before any serious damage was done.

And once or twice more...

This time, he could look at the stars, and at earth, all in peace. Honey-colored eyes moved to the back of the alien's head as the voot started to rise, flying through the opening roof of the weirdly shaped, green little house. With a hint of surprise, Dib noticed that it was nighttime. With all his time spent underground, in the same, never-changing way the base was lit, of course there had been no way to tell what time of the day it was.

Almost fascinated, Dib took in the simple fact that it was night, even though it didn't feel like it, while he watched the dimly lit streets grow smaller and smaller.

Again, he wondered how nobody ever noticed anything. The voot wasn't exactly the quietest of vehicles and a house roof splitting open to pop out an obviously unearthly contraption with a green creature on its driver's seat wasn't THAT common, either.

But no one ever noticed.

Dib sighed quietly, and shook his head to clear those thoughts away. Rather than wasting his precious coherent moments for those, he lifted his gaze to the top of the spherical glass front of the voot, watching as murky night clouds cleared away. Slowly, the light of the buildings and streetlamps on the ground faded away, to make room for the darkness of space, broken only by the tiny little twinkling of stars.

Inexplicably, the human boy felt himself relax, melting into the awkward form of his seat and suddenly, everything felt right. It was almost, as if someone had given him a nice dose of sedatives, his body lost all of its tension, while his mind cleared and calmed. Right now, there was nothing on his mind but the beautiful silence of space, the endless pitch-black, interrupted only by the few spots of light here and there.

It was glorious.

At one point, he thought Zim was looking back at him, but he couldn't tell for sure, Dib's attention elsewhere. It didn't really matter, anyway.

Zim gave a sigh, turning to look back at the boy every now and then. The Dib was all gone within his head again. But this time, at least he seemed calm. As long as it stayed that way, the alien didn't feel the need to interrupt whatever little mind-trip the boy was having. The trip to the bigger station was a short one and it was probably safer to just leave Dib as he was until they arrived.

Soon enough, Zim spotted the larger spaceship, hidden in the shadow of the moon to keep it from curious eyes. Not that he had to fear any Earthling ever paying attention to it. Such inobservant beings...

Like the trip itself, landing the voot was event-less and Dib snapped out of his thoughts only, when the canopy top of the larger ship slid shut and hid the stars from view. Slowly, the boy stretched his legs, when the voot opened and Zim jumped out, giving him more space.

Once he had squirmed out of the tiny little spaceship, Dib took a moment to stretch his whole body, not having noticed just how stiff he was after staying in that curled up position for the entirety of their trip. Breathing deep while doing so, he had to smile at the strange, yet familiar scent of... "alien" all around him. It was the faint scent of metal, maybe slightly copperish, of machinery, sweet and somehow there was a note of moist soil.

The scent was in Zim's base, too, but there, it was mostly overridden by earthly scents of food and pollution. This scent was fresh, clean, soothing... alluring.

A noise caught his attention and the human turned honey-colored eyes to his smaller companion. Zim was giving him an annoyed look, tapping one booted foot on the ground. "Are you DONE breathing now? I thought you wanted to call your sibling. Come now."

Smiling still, Dib followed the smaller male and tried not to concentrate too much on the sheer calm and silence around them, only broken by the soft thumping of their footsteps on the metal floor. After a few turns, they arrived in a large, circular room, displaying several screens of different size and shape.

"Sit down, Zim will open a communication line to your parental unit's house."

Dib did as he was told, sitting down on one of the softly padded, straddling-chairs as he watched the alien enter several lines of data into the ship's communication program. It didn't take longer than a bare few minutes until there was a prompt on the screen. Zim turned to regard him for a short moment. "You can just press on this button if you wish to make the call. Zim'll make some checks on the engines while we're here." He seemed to want to say more, opening his mouth and hesitating, but in the end, the little alien just shook his head. "Take your time."

Nodding slowly, Dib watched as Zim left the room, leaving him alone with the softly blinking screen. It was easy enough to move his chair closer to the screen, trying to sit up straighter, even though no one would see him. It was easy to ready himself for the call.

It was not easy to actually move his trembling hand to the small button that would enable him to call his sister.

Dib was frozen, feeling sudden fear paralyzing him and trying to tighten his throat in its cold grip. What if she didn't pick up? It was nighttime for her, after all. What if she wasn't happy to hear him...? What if his emotions got the better of him? What if...?

But he wanted to hear her... Even if it was just for a moment, he needed to hear her, to tell her he was alive and he was alright. And he wanted to hear the same from her.

Guilt crept up to weight down his shoulders at the thought that he had forsaken her. He had left her alone with their indifferent father and probably a school full of idiots that might have harassed her for being the sister of a loon.

Somehow, somehow, he managed to get himself back under control after feeling the first tears spill over his cheeks, finally forcing himself to press that taunting button. Almost immediately, there was a soft sound, announcing that the number had been dialed and he had to wait for someone to pick up the phone.

Dib prayed that his father, as usual, wasn't at home. It wouldn't do at all to have him on the phone.

The moment stretched to an eternity, as the human stared at the irken writing on the screen, accompanied by the rhythmic, quiet sound of the computer trying to connect.

Pick up, pick up, pick up... please pick up.

A soft, sudden click and one second of static buzz made him jump, his brain lagging and for a moment uncomprehending until there was a non-impressed voice sounding from the speakers.

"Where did you get this number?" It was Gaz. Her voice hadn't changed, still low and irritated and Dib felt fresh tears spring to his eyes just at the familiar sound. Trembling lips opened and closed a few times, fully intending to say something, ANYTHING, but his throat was tight and his tongue felt like lead.

"I'm hanging up." No... No!

"Gaz! I.. It's me!"

"...Dib?"

The boy tried to take a calming breath, almost choking on the air filling his lungs with how on edge he was. "Yes, yes it's me. I.. I'm so glad I... it's.. so good to hear your voice... How.. how are you?" Dib's voice cracked, fighting so hard to speak slow enough to be understandable. He was trembling, shaking, with anticipation, the stunned silence on the other end of the line stretching unbearably long. "Gaz...?"

"Why are you calling?" Her voice was low, forced into calmness, Dib could tell. Though, he didn't know the exact reason.

"I.. I'm sorry I haven't called sooner, I'm so sorry, I... I'm so sorry! Gaz... I wanted to hear you... I miss you and... and..."

She took a breath and he instantly quieted, eager to hear her voice.

"You can't call me. Dad will know. Even if you're calling from a spaceship." Still, her voice lacked emotion, and it started to bother Dib.

"How do you know I..."

"I just know it, Dib. Do not call me again. I want nothing to do with any of this. And I suggest you stay where nobody will find you. He's got the police after you. You're wanted for murder. And I want nothing to do with this. It's bad enough as it is, I don't need you to add to it, too. Do not – EVER - call me again." Then she hung up.

Suddenly, he was left in silence again. In disbelief, Dib stared at the innocently blinking irken and english characters on the screen, telling him in cruel simplicity that the connection had been broken. With each soft blink of letters, his chest became tighter.

Not true.

It couldn't be true.

It didn't just happen that Gaz had hung up on him just like that. Tricks! His mind was playing him tricks, that was surely what it was. But no matter how much he tried to tell himself that, or how he rubbed at his eyes to wipe the words from his vision, it didn't change the reality he couldn't accept.

Dib jumped up from his seat the moment he realized he couldn't breathe. Two hands flew up, clutching at his chest and throat as he struggled to get enough air, even when a part of him knew he was overreacting. The more he tried to gulp down air and breathe deeper and faster, the worse it became and he coughed, dropping to his knees.

Blackness was edging into his vision in dark swirls, stealing his orientation and the room started to dance before his eyes as he suddenly faced the contorting ceiling.

Gaz had pushed him away, too. Pushed him away to forget about him.

She didn't care...

There was no one left to care about or want him anymore.

The weight and pressure on his chest doubled, tripled, to the point where he was sure he'd suffocate, vision turning completely dark. There was noise, too, harsh buzzing, the rush of blood in his own ears and a lower, distant sound he couldn't place.

Dib didn't know what was happening anymore, but he knew he was being swallowed, pulled and pushed down.

Down.

Down.

Slowly, ever so slowly the black started to feel welcoming, warm, rather than cold and he began melting into it.

Just when the last little bit of pink ceiling was swept away by blissful darkness, white-hot light exploded behind his eyes.

Dib's eyes shot open, still unseeing and blinking rapidly, just when another flash of color and light exploded around him. The second time, the pain registered with him and he took a huge gasp, struggling against he-didn't-know-what.

The noise was back and louder than before, muffled sounds, screaming...? Someone was screaming, but he knew it wasn't him...

Another explosion of pain and light and at last, his vision returned enough to make out a harsh contrast of green against a pink background. The screaming continued, and the more he concentrated, the more he understood.

"..-ING...IDIOT-... HUMAN... -IM..."

A quick blur of motion and for the first time Dib felt the hand connect with his face, fresh pain and stars flashing before his eyes a mere half-second later.

Zim... Zim was slapping him!

Another gasp and the boy stopped struggling, trying to come back to himself instead of slipping back into unconsciousness.

"ZIM IS TALKING TO YOU! STOP THIS NONSENSE THIS INSTANT OR I'LL SWEAR I'LL HIT YOU SO HARD-"

"..s' okay... s.. sorry..."

No wonder breathing was so hard... Now that Dib was becoming more and more aware of where he was and what was going on, he found himself lying on his back on the floor, lithe green alien straddling his chest and proceeding to actually smack him back into consciousness.

Strangely enough it worked and when Zim slowly eased down from the boy's chest to sit more on his stomach, Dib was able to take slow, even breaths. "Zim, I..."

"Don't speak. I came in here, finding you hyperventilating, then you stopped breathing entirely! Are you done being an idiot now, Dib-thing?"

Dib blinked, feeling his eyes starting to burn. "I.. I'm afraid not..." he breathed, lifting one hand to rub at his sore eyes. "I'm.. I'm sorry... I..."

Zim had no time to react when human arms shot up to wrap around him, pulling him down until the human was pressing his face against his slim chest with a bone-wracking sob. Stiffening, the alien was so perplexed that he was at a complete loss for what to o. "Dib-thing..."

"Please... just... just a moment..." It was hard to understand, muffled by sobs and pink uniform, but Zim gave a sigh, nodding, one three-fingered hand moving to awkwardly pet at dark hair while the human cried.


	10. Chapter 10

For the umpteenth time, Zim found himself sighing as he tried to concentrate on the checkups he wanted to do, on the station's operating system. Concentration was hard to hold on to, however, when he found his eyes drifting over to where Dib lay, on one of the padded, pink benches to sleep off the stress. The boy had cried for nearly an hour straight, only stopping when exhaustion got the better of him and the alien had to help move him to a spot where he could rest.

Shaking his head, Zim tried to go back to running system checks while the human slept. There was nothing else to do for the alien.

He managed a full five minutes more before he threw up his arms with a frustrated huff, simply switching the station's main computer on to run a standard diagnosis instead of making a more thorough, manual checkup. Slowly and stealthily, as not to rouse the resting human, Zim drew closer, taking a seat just next to Dib to watch him instead of the screens.

Even in sleep, the boy's face was drawn into a frown, breathing steady and deep but Zim could still see that this sleep wasn't very recreative. And Zim could understand. Even though humans, their customs and sometimes strange emotional reactions were still a mystery to him, even after all those years he had spent trying to figure them out, he could understand what the Dib-thing was experiencing right now.

Dib had been repudiated. His schoolmates and most of society had been shunning him largely since the beginning, but now his family, too, had forsaken him. Zim understood what it must be doing to him. If it was anything even remotely close to what irken society was like, being cast out was like dying.

The alien frowned. Humans were very different from irkens, in just about every aspect, but he guessed that the basic act of belonging to a collective and then losing that connection was the same in every species. It meant losing one's identity, one's home and one's purpose.

For an irken, being ostracized equaled death. If there was no purpose, no chance to serve the empire, there simply was no reason to exist.

But humans were different, right?

Again, narrowed magenta eyes fixed on the sleeping human. The Dib still had purpose. Afterall, there were still things he needed to do.

The pale body gave a sudden jerk and Zim jumped, startled from his thoughts when the human sat up, golden eyes wide and disoriented and when Zim reached out to touch at his shoulder, Dib gave an angry hiss before he even grazed him, slapping at his hand. The alien suddenly found himself pinned by a furious glare, and frowned in confusion.

"Dib-thing, what the..." The moment he heard his name, Dib blinked, the anger in his expression dissipated like fog in the sunlight, leaving only confusion and returning sadness. Slowly, the boy relaxed, lowering his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up, Dib-thing. We will head back to earth in half an hour, now that you are finally awake." Zim stood, stretching a bit and trying to pretend that his hand didn't still sting from the impact of the larger, human hand. "I'll go prepare the voot and we'll be back at the base in a few hours."

"What for?" There was no need to look up to know Zim stopped dead in his tracks. Dib didn't need to see the confusion in magenta eyes to know it was there. He bit his lip until he felt the skin start to break. "What should I go back to earth for?" Pale fingers twisted into useless fists. "There's nothing I-" The sound of the impact made it through first, the pain shooting up from his cheek followed just a second later. Zim had slapped him again.

"Would you just STOP doing that?!" Dib's hand went to cradle his still-bruised cheek. "I-"

"No, YOU stop it, filthy human worm-baby! Zim'll tell you what for! You, Dib-thing, will go back to earth with Zim and finish finding the cure! And you will not let something as silly as that bother you. Understood?!"

"Zim..." He wanted to protest. Dib wanted to scream that it wasn't just something silly. That it was, in fact, anything BUT silly. But he couldn't. The sheer determination in those large, magenta eyes, the finality of the alien's words, they were incontestable in their simplicity. Zim said Dib would go back to earth, so Dib would go back to earth. He deflated, lowering his head in defeat. There simply was no strength left in him to argue with the only being that he still had left.

"What for, Zim? So... we head back and find a cure... then what?"

"We'll see. Zim's always busy. The Dib can be my minion. You're at least halfway useful, unlike... Gir. Come now, silly human. Get up and we'll return to the base." The alien grinned and Dib was left to shake his head in disbelief as he watched Zim turn his ever-straight back to him and march out of the room in his unique, irken version of a goose step, back to the hangar where the voot was waiting.

Heaving a weary sigh, Dib pulled his heavy body up from the pink bench he was sitting on, feeling some regret at having to leave the soft padding and subsequently having to leave this quiet place in space. Almost on their own, honey-colored eyes shifted to one of the large windows through which there were countless stars sparkling back at him. A soft sigh. It was so peaceful out there...

Slowly, almost inertly, Dib moved to follow his alien companion to the hangar. Zim was quick to find, entering some sort or other of data into the larger station's computer. "Zim? Do we have a little more time? There... is something I'd really like to do before we leave."

"What is it?" There was a hint of annoyance in those words, but not enough to signal that he was not going to listen. Magenta orbs met with honey and Dib strangely found himself smiling the barest bit. "I want to look at the stars for just a little longer. Can we just.. stay a little longer? I promise I will come with you without a word,then. Please."

Confusion and the barest frown etched themselves into the smooth, green face, but Zim found himself unable to deny such a simple wish. Especially when there was this strange glow in the human boy's expression. "Tch, fine. I guess we can stay another hour."

"Can you shut off the lights?"

"What for? Dib-thing, what is this-"

"Please..."

Once more, Zim found himself giving in and he rolled his large eyes at his own, apparently growing softness that he showed the human. At the same time, there was the acknowledgment that the Dib probably deserved something to cheer him up after this whole ordeal. So if looking out the window for a while did the trick, who was he to complain?

Another sigh. "Fine. You can go up to the cupola over there. Lots of glass and I'll dim the lights when you're there."

The smile that met him caused a frighteningly warm little pang in his 'spooch. Zim frowned more, turning away again to busy himself with... something while Dib climbed up the short way to the station's large cupola. "Computer, lights off." Almost instantly, everything was dipped in darkness, only the dull glow of the computer screens provided the barest amount of light.

It was glorious.

Dib had found the way up easily enough and sat down on the ground in the center of the observatory-like room just when the lights went out. It was blissfully dark here, no screens and no blinking buttons to interrupt the impenetrable blackness within the ship. The sun was to the other side, so all illumination there was, were the tiny specks of light dotted above him. As his breathing evened out in relaxation, sound, too, was swept away and slowly, Dib leaned back to lie prone on the cool, metal ground.

This was good. It felt wonderful. No light, no sound, only nothingness around him. At least he could *pretend* there was nothing anymore. Just the vast expanse of space all around him. Again, there was this feeling... It felt like he could just disappear, become one with the nothingness and the calm that settled over him was overwhelming. Above him, the stars continued to sparkle in their timeless beauty, leaving the human feeling small and insignificant.

It was perfect.

Back in the glaring white cell in the asylum, he had felt incongruous, unable to adapt and impossible to fit in with his surroundings. But this...

This...

This felt natural. Dib fit right in with the dark and quiet around him.

It was pure bliss.

Dib looked up through the near invisible glass of the cupola, smiling in the darkness around him. Here, he was nothing. Here, it didn't matter if nobody cared. Here, it didn't count anymore. He was melting into the blackness around him, he vanished in the vastness of space around him, his thoughts calmed and it was as if he could just become one with the nothingness, the everything.

A small part of him laughed at him for how ridiculous he sounded, even to himself, but the far bigger part wished it could just be like this, forever. That he could become one with the universe itself, become one tiny, tiny part of a bigger whole, to finally belong with something. The stars above him continued to glitter, beautiful and beckoning... He wanted to be there with them, even more than he already was right now.

Dib didn't know how long he had been lying there on the floor, but suddenly, there was soft noise and the barest hint of movement close to him. He didn't bother looking for the source, he knew who, it could only be one and just a moment later, Zim was lying down next to him with a little sigh. For a short moment, Dib was startled with the sudden closeness. Their heads were almost touching, Zim's feet pointing the opposite direction as Dib's. The boy knew his dark hair was brushing against Zim's cheek and shoulder, while, in return, he felt the alien's thin antennae rest on his his own shoulder ever so lightly. For a second, he wondered how Zim managed to lie on his back like that when there was the large PAK in the way... but the thought went as fast as it had come, to join its brothers in oblivion.

"What do you see up there, Dib-thing?" the alien's voice was calm, uncharacteristically so and Dib felt his lips spread in a gentle smile.

"Nothing... and everything. I love space. I have loved space for as long as I can remember. I... I feel like I don't belong to earth any longer... I want.. to be a part of this." He lifted both arms to make a slow, wide gesture at what lay above them, beneath them, all around them.

"If I could wish for something, I would wish to leave earth forever and just... be a part of... all this."

Zim was quiet. In a way he understood that desire. Understood well. But it was still hard to fathom what exactly was going through the boy's mind. "I don't want to be on that planet anymore, but... I guess... it's still my duty to protect earth from you regardless. Spaceboy."

The grin in Dib's voice and the sudden change of mood came quite unexpectedly. But it was not unwelcome and before Zim even knew what had gotten into him, he started laughing, almost instantly joined by the human. Zim was tempted to grace Dib's words with an answer, but he knew that no more words were needed.

Besides, the unexpected laughter that seemed to shake both of their bodies felt much too good to interrupt. Whatever had befallen them, it felt good.

Cleansing.

Dib started to ache from the unusual exercise, but he had not a care in the world for the sore burning in his middle as bouts of laughter continued to make him quake and gasp, tears springing to his honey-colored eyes.

The alien wasn't much better off. Zim held his belly, never having experienced such intense laughter out of mirth, rather than loathing or gloating.

When it was finally over and their gasping chuckles died out, both slowly fell back into a now much more comfortable silence. One of Dib's hands rose, rubbing at the lingering tears of laughter, giving a soft sigh.

"Zim...?"

"Mh?"

"...Thank you. For everything"

Instead of an answer, Dib received a soft bump of head, when the alien shifted his head to knock it lightly against the boy's temple.

They simply stayed like that a while, and even though Zim was a little worried about the havoc his little minion down on earth would wreak, he didn't feel like moving away just yet. The human next to him seemed so relaxed and it was too rare a thing to just rob him of.

Dib continued to watch the stars around them silently, feeling a soft warmth build where their heads touched. With all the awful things happening, he felt incredibly relaxed, warm, calm and of sound mind. Right now, he didn't want to think.

Zim was here with him, in this lightless silence, and for reasons he couldn't explain, he found it was enough. Turning his head a bit, without taking his golden eyes from the distant stars above them, Dib nudged his temple more against the alien's, unable to feel the green skin through his hair, but just a little more of the faint warmth radiating from it.

It was enough.


	11. Chapter 11

The trip back to earth was just as silent as their outward trip had been. Yet, it was a different sort of quiet than before. Dib still was exhausted, quickly slipping into a light doze, soothed by the steady hum of the voot's machines. Zim let him.

There was no use in rushing anything now.

The human had agreed to return with him to the underground base, where they would – for now – work on their cure. Magenta orbs flickered back to rest on the dozing boy's form. There were no outward signs of what was going on with both their DNA. There were no really obvious symptoms anymore. But it still affected them, Zim knew.

That cursed DNA weakened them, made them vulnerable to too many factors and influences and, in the end, it was a matter of principle. Zim would not idle when he knew there was such filth in his body, his very cells. He visibly shuddered at the thought and let his smooth face twist into a disgusted frown.

Another look at the Dib and the alien allowed himself to grudgingly admit that he did, indeed, need the other to find a cure. And now... now that the Dib had nothing to keep him away from their experiments anymore and now that he at least seemed to be recovering, they would...

The alien stopped himself at that thought.

Would "they" do anything? The Dib had seemed very calm when they left the station. But was he, really? The boy's mind was still fragile, prone to bouts of panic and catatonic phases, confusion and anger. Plus, he had just been left by the pitiful rest of what he had once called family.

Zim still didn't fully understand the human way of life and the way they attached themselves to others, but he understood enough to know that this was not easy on the boy. It would affect him and the alien found himself hoping that it hadn't caused enough damage to break the Dib beyond repair.

He shook his head. Silly thoughts. There was no use speculating now. Things would develop like they would and for now, getting safely back down to earth and into the base was more important. There would be plenty of time to muse about the whens and ifs and hows once they were there.

By the time Zim landed the voot in the lower hangar, Dib was fast asleep, breathing deeply and not so much as twitching when the large, spherical top cover opened and the alien jumped off the little ship. For a moment, he considered to just leave the human in the voot, curled up as he was. But he couldn't. The lanky body already looked uncomfortable, wedged behind the driver's seat, thin limbs curled up to fit into the tight space meant for a single Irken pilot and maybe one tiny robot. Not another, almost fully grown human passenger.

Shaking his head with a sigh and trampling down the burning question of just why he even bothered - mostly since the answer he was giving himself held implications he didn't dare investigate – Zim opened the panels on his PAK to free the PAK-legs, somehow managing to lift the Dib out of the cockpit without waking and without both of them crashing to the floor. Despite the boy's height, he was still way too light and Zim carried him off to the boy's makeshift bedroom without much trouble.

After some good rest, Dib would be coherent enough to be able to work out some sort of plan with him. Until then, Zim decided, there was his other piece of company to check up on. Rolling his magenta eyes at the thought alone, the alien went to find his robot minion, praying that whatever chaos he had caused had spared the vital parts of the base.

A weary wave of relief flooded Zim when he found only a giant pile of rather strong-smelling goo in one of the storage rooms. It was a disaster, but one that could be cleaned. It seemed the deranged little thing had attempted cooking again, with the usual, sloppy and disgusting results.

By the time the storage room was clean and Gir was somewhere else after the massive, if of course completely useless, screaming lecture from Zim, Dib was awake and trying to muster the will to pull himself up and out of his bed.

It was hard to even bring himself to start thinking. A part of him wanted to just crawl back into bed, bury himself under as many pillows and blankets as possible and simply forget he even existed until he stopped breathing. But his instincts at least were still intact. No matter how awful and hopeless he felt right now; Dib knew he'd not go down that path.

Things were just complicated.

His situation was horribly complicated.

The boy blinked. Or... was it, really? Willing or not, The recent events replayed in Dib's head, And the more they did, the more he found that with each crippling impact to his life, his situation had become simpler.

Broken down, his life had entered a stage of perfect simplicity.

Dib had no family to go back to. No home, no duties and no friends anymore. No human friends, anyway. It was that easy. He had nothing to care about outside of this very base. It wasn't easy to accept, not at all, but it was a simple process of adapting his thoughts to this new situation.

Just as this was easy, it would be easy to find a way to continue. There was only one next logical course of action. Dib had nowhere else to go. So staying in the base was the only option. Not that this made much difference to his living arrangements. He had been spending most of his time here for years before, and all of his time after his stay at the asylum.

It wouldn't make much difference at all. The only change was, that there were no more reasons to leave the safety and solitude of the base. Until Zim and he completed their search for a cure, Dib didn't need to bother with anything else.

The boy smiled, feeling a strange but relieving calm settle over him, soothing the residual sadness and hurt. It was really simple as long as he stayed focused on the things that still mattered.

Slowly, he rose and stretched, taking a few, calming breaths before he went to find Zim.

Things would continue, even if his sense of time started to blur from there on. After all, it didn't matter whether it was day or night or if there were hours or days passing by. In this neverchanging environment he had no use for regular time units.

Zim didn't ask the human about his resolve, nor did he mention the entire incident. Instead, they decided on a few arrangements.

Dib would try to recover better, having to promise Zim to "stop being an idiot" and several other things the little alien demanded of him. In return, the alien agreed to stock up on "filthy human foodstuff" so the boy wouldn't have to live off of sugar and soda. It was... frighteningly comfortable to settle their new living agreements.

Zim repeated again and again, that it was only until their cure was found, so that he, the mighty Irken invader could return to his mission, but Dib already had his suspicions that it would not be as easy and fast as Zim claimed.

It didn't matter.

For the time being, things were settled. It was a very, very simple situation, after all, once you looked at it. Maybe it was just that simplicity that he needed for a while. No other duties, no commitments to anyone or anything outside, just Zim and him.

Over the first few weeks, Dib did become better.

And he became worse.

Physically, he recovered quickly, better food and some mild, self-developed workout, mostly resolving around chasing after the little robot around the labs and the rest of the base whenever he decided to wreak havoc somewhere. Sometimes, Zim and he would get into mock-fights, like they had before things went bad. All in all, his body was slowly returning to its original level of strength and agility.

His mind and psyche, however, were a completely different matter. Dib himself knew, that he was far from fine. Even with the calmer mood around the base, he still had the same attacks of losing his orientation and lapses of memory, getting lost or simply pausing in whatever he was doing at the moment to slip right down into a catatonic episode, not reacting to anything in those moments. At times, it were just mere seconds, sometimes the fits were as bad as lasting a couple of hours, forcing Zim to move him to his room and stay with him to make sure the boy wouldn't end up hurting himself. Or having a panic attack when he... 'woke' from these episodes.

Waking up in general was a problem in and of its own. Dib woke up screaming more often than not, jerking awake from nightmares and whatever horror visions his mind tortured him with, even in his sleep. Zim knew the boy was trying to hide most of his broken emotions, but he was doing a poor job at it. Especially when the alien found him convulsing with sobs in the middle of the night, while hearing him claim everything was fine.

It was taxing.

And creepy.

At one point, Dib gave in to Gir's demands to watch TV with him. Usually, the boy would wisely refuse or even hide from the maniac robot when he felt unable to deal with his very presence. But maybe, Dib thought, maybe some TV, some images from outside, a movie, the news or a show would provide some light entertainment and take his mind off of things for a little while.

Zim quicky concluded that it had been a bad idea.

The moment Dib saw a short report on the news about his father, he was hooked. As bad as wrestling the remote from Gir's hands when he tried to change the channel, even hauling the little robot against a wall in the end. Not, that it would cause any damage to him, but seeing the human react so uncommonly violent over such a trivial matter was worrying.

From there on, Dib took every given moment to make use of the one connection to the outside world he had left. And even worse, he did stumble upon reports about his father regularly.

Zim watched the human watch TV sometimes.

It was disturbing.

The boy would stare at the TV...

Stare at the screen almost unblinking, waiting for more news about himself, his father, anything concerning the incident in the mental hospital, and he did so for hours, frozen on the spot on the couch. Sometimes, it seemed that if one didn't look close enough, it wasn't even sure he was even still breathing.

Sometimes Dib just leaned back his head onto the backrest when he was tired enough and fell asleep like that, not even bothering to lie down on the couch or find the short way back to his room and his bed.

He was like a ghost at times, unresponsive, deathly silent, there and yet not, and Zim was growing more and more disturbed.

Thankfully, when he wasn't staring at the TV too hard, or vanished off into his own mind, Dib showed almost normal reactions, returning to his normal speech patterns and behavior, cracking a joke here and there and even starting little, harmless fights with the alien over the silliest matters.

Those were the things that calmed the alien.

It showed that the boy was making progress, that he WAS recovering, howsoever slow as the progress went.

Dib stared at the screen again, having found an interview with his father about his newest invention. As soon as the professor's little speech was done, the reporters were all head over heels, bombarding the man with questions. Half of them still concerned the whereabouts and situation of his escapee son.

Dib twitched as he heard the laugh that bubbled from his father's lips. He laughed.

His father was LAUGHING.

The questions were dismissed with a good-humored comment that it was no trouble or danger and that he'd soon be found.

No danger.

No need to worry.

His father was not worried at all.

He did not care... at all.

It did not matter to him that Dib was gone.

He laughed at it and Dib ground his teeth with an audible grating sound.

Never...

Never had the boy felt as forsaken and unwanted.

Never had he felt so betrayed.

Not even when he had been left in the asylum had he felt like this... because there had been hope, still. A hope, that maybe it would all turn out well in the end, that his family would welcome him home at some point and everything could return to normal.

That hope had been popped like the telltale, fragile bubble the moment he had called Gaz. He knew... Dib knew there was no going back. It had left him with a burning, sore emptiness that he couldn't seem to fill.

And yet... maybe it was the insane part of himself, but he still had held some twisted sense of hope. Beneath all of his resolutions, beneath all his decisions and all those plans he had created for himself...

He had hoped. Just the barest bit, he had hoped that his father maybe missed him. Or that he had any regrets about what he had done to his only son.

Of course, Dib had had his suspicions about why he had been sent to the hospital. But to see them confirmed somehow made all of them so much worse.

He had been right after all.

It had been a plan to get rid of him.

He had been sent to the asylum to be forgotten.

Dib had long since stopped actually seeing what he was staring at on the screen, too lost in his dark thoughts.

In between all those conflicting emotions, one rose to make its presence known the most.

Rage.

A terrifying rage washed over him, coursing through his very veins like blood and he went blind with it.

Zim jumped when he heard screaming and crashing, the horrible, screeching sound of glass shattering and grating over metal. Only one second later, he was up on his feet, rushing to find the source. He knew it couldn't have been Gir, the deranged little thing watching him run off from his place next to the alien's chair.

When he arrived in what Dib had started to call their living room, he was greeted by a bizarre sight.

The remains of the large TV-screen were scattered all over the floor, along with droplets of crimson. And in the middle of it all stood Dib, arms and front covered in splatters of his own blood, hands still buried in the sparking corpse of the TV, breaths harsh and with a too-wide grin on his pale face.

Zim could just stand there for a moment, feeling his insides lurch violently at the sight, almost to the point of nausea when Dib started to laugh.

It was a hollow sound, echoing off the metal walls and showing just how distraught the boy really was.

Dib laughed so hard his whole body was shaken by the force of it.

He had been forsaken, he had been cast away, he wasn't wanted and everything he was to the people he thought considered him family was... a nuisance.

A lunatic.

Locked away to be forgotten.

Like he didn't even exist.

Pain... Pain registered with him several moments later and he calmed, looking down at his arms with a new, spreading grin.

Blood and pain... he was still alive.

They hadn't managed to wipe him from existence... not yet.

He was still here.

Dib would not let himself vanish.

And he would not be forgotten.


	12. Chapter 12

(Please see author's notes)

„Come back here, filthy human! How DARE you take what's ZIM'S!" Dib laughed triumphantly, holding his loot to his chest while he ran down the corridors of Zim's lab, in hopes of escaping his pursuer.

„It's mine now, Zim! Deal with it!" He cried, skidding around a corner and running towards the large storage rooms. Maybe he could hide in between the boxes and shelves long enough to make good use of the stolen package in his arms. Zim was close on his heels though, easily matching his speed.

The alien caught up with him just when he ran through the open storage room doors. With a roar, Zim leaped forward, knocking Dib over with the impact of his smaller body. They tumbled to the floor, not even stopping for a second before starting to roll across the ground, both fighting for the upper hand. „Give it back to Zim!"

„Never, spaceboy! It's mine now! You took all the others!"

As usual, it was an earnest, but somewhat fair fight. Zim wouldn't use his claws or PAK-legs, Dib wouldn't make too much use of the height advantage he had gained. They wrestled like that for a long while, throwing half-serious insults, kicks and punches at each other, not really aiming for injury, just for momentary dominance.

Another bout of complaints was replaced with an annoyed growl when the smaller body was finally pinned by longer limbs and a heavier body. Zim stared up at the human, both of them panting heavily, and frowned in a pouty way. „It's still mine, Dib-thing."

„You ate all the other cookies. This box is mine!" Dib nodded over to the almost forgotten box of chocolate cookies he had snagged from the kitchen. His hands stayed on the alien's wrists, knowing the fight was not yet over. He could feel the almost scrawny but shockingly strong body underneath him tense and flex slightly, gauging the strength of the hold Dib had on him. Their legs were tightly tangled, making it difficult for either of them to continue fighting like before. Now, it was a matter of volition.

Again, Zim lifted his eyes to the human's. „Unhand me right now, Dib-thing, or you'll be missing a limb or two in a minute!" He flexed his clawed fingers just for emphasis. But Dib wasn't impressed. He slid his own hands up to push his fingers between Zim's, preventing the alien from lashing out at him, even while he knew Zim would never really try to injure him. Just as he would never intentionally harm Zim.

Now that the thought hit him, Dib realized that it had really been a long time since they last called each other enemies. His sense of time in this never-changing underground environment had long since become hazy and unreliable. How long had it even been? So much had changed, they-

Dib's thought had again strayed too far, and with a sudden force and motion, he found himself on his back this time, Zim trying to keep him down with his miniscule weight and a satisfied laugh. „Look who is winning NOW, Dib-thing!" Said human blinked a few times, trying to come out of his thoughts and back to reality.

„You're so unfair, Zim, these cookies are mine and I won't let you eat the last box -again-!" He bucked under the alien, trying to buck him off but to no avail. Slim legs wrapped around his waist, latching on even more, to prevent being thrown off and Zim cackled mockingly.

It didn't last long, though.

With his own legs now free, Dib pushed himself up, flipping them again after the second try, hearing Zim's laughter be replaced with another annoyed growl. „You just don't know when to quit, do you, filthy human!" he spat. And just like that, they were rolling again, their short break over.

In their blind mock-fight for dominance, they bumped into several boxes, Dib hit his head on a wall once, but it wasn't reason enough to stop.

The sound of glass grating on metal and Zim's startled hiss, though, ended their tumble at once.

Dib looked down at Zim's pained grimace and the ground where a few glass shards were strewn. Only a second later, Dib was off of him and pulled the alien up, forgetting all about their previous fight and instead checking him for any harm. As far as he remembered, they hadn't knocked over anything, so most likely it had been Gir's doing, Dib thought. Without listening to the small alien's complaints, he brushed off the glass shards from the back of his uniform shirt carefully. „Are you hurt?" He asked, spotting the cuts in the pink fabric.

„No." came the curt reply. With a sigh, Dib shook his head, knowing Zim far better than that. Lifting the fabric up despite the protests, he soon spotted a small cut, even with Zim's fussing and the half-hearted tries to shove him away.

Bluish blood trickled thinly down to soak into the black pants he wore. „This needs cleaning, but it's not that bad. Come, I'll patch you up." Standing up, he stretched, hearing his abused bones give quiet pops. Picking up the box of cookies, he grinned softly. „If you're a good patient and don't fuss while I tend to that cut, I'll even share the cookies with you."

Zim rolled his magenta eyes, but gave in after a moment. There was no need anymore to play pretend and continue their fight. Plus, the little cut throbbed annoyingly, announcing that there was indeed some kind of dirt in the wound that would need cleaning. With an displeased sigh, he followed the human into another part of the lab, sitting on the edge of an examination table while Dib brought disinfectant and adhesive bandages.

„Take off your shirt, I need to see if there are more scratches." Dib called from the other side of the room, trying to find a pair of tweezers, just in case.

After a moment of hesitation, Zim pulled up his long uniform top and wriggled out of it. The black gloves stayed on for now. Zim tried to turn, to try and look at the cut himself. Before he could reach down and touch it, his hand was slapped away gently.

„Don't touch it! You'll just get it dirty. Just let me do it, alright?" Dib gave an amused shake of head at the glare Zim sent him, not being impressed by the alien's angry looks anymore. He pulled thin gloves on, leaning closer to have a better look at the small, but deep cut. „There's still a little piece of glass in the wound... it's deeper than I thought. Do you want some local anesthesia so I can pull the shard out?"

He wasn't surprised when Zim just shook his head, squaring his thin shoulders. „Just do it, Dib-thing." He huffed, clearly not happy that Dib had even asked something so ridiculous.

„Alright, then. Don't complain to me later. I'll clean the blood off first, hold still..." His voice was softer now, while he used a moist pad of gauze to gently dab away the blood to have a better view at the cut. One hand moved to rest at the alien's slim, green hip to hold him steady, while the other took hold of the tweezers.

„I'll start." He warned, pulling open the cut a bit with his palm and pushing the tweezers inside to grab at the shard. Zim tensed, but didn't make a sound, unwilling to sacrifice his dignity in favor of being spared a little pain.

Luckily, Dib had no troubles to grab and pull the shard out quickly and he felt more than heard Zim heave a relieved breath. „All done."

After the wound was cleaned and tightly closed with a strong adhesive plaster, Dib couldn't resist and give a – he hoped – comforting, soft pat to a thin shoulder. Zim gave a little mumble and Dib leaned closer, not having heard what he had been trying to say. „What?"

Zim was fumbling with words a moment. „Zim said thank you, you stupid, deaf Earth-monkey!" came the somewhat pitifully disguised embarrassed reply. The human just smiled, moving around the table to stand in front of the smaller male.

„You're welcome. And as promised..." he reached over to pick up the box of cookies. „We'll share these. Do you want some painkillers? Or will you play tough again?" A short look was enough answer and Dib chuckled, handing Zim one of the cookies.

Leaning against the desk behind him, Dib watched his companion a moment, a thought coming to mind as he took in the thin form before him.

In all the time that they had spent locked up in this underground base, Dib had never seen the alien bare like this. Sure, he had treated a few scraps and cuts here and there, but those had mostly been on his hands or head, not requiring the smaller male to undress. Dib felt the almost forgotten part of his mind that was responsible for his paranormal interests perk up. With all that had happened, with the casualness of their living arrangements, he had stopped paying any attention to the fact that Zim wasn't human.

Zim was Zim, it was as simple as that.

But now Dib was faced with a different view of his companion. Not that it was entirely new, but for years, Dib had not seen the smaller being as an 'alien'. It hadn't mattered, and even now, it didn't really make a difference. But it rekindled his dormant desire to explore and discover.

Now, his attention was drawn to it inevitably. Like a moth to a flame.

Honey-colored eyes moved subtly over Zim's slim frame. Judging from appearance alone, their bodies weren't so different.

Zim was thinner than an average human his size, almost painfully delicate in build, but Dib knew better than to think him weak. Those spindly arms held a strength that easily matched his own.

There were fine contours on the alien's chest, suggesting he had some sort of ribcage, just as humans did, though it looked slightly more spherical than a human's.

The first real difference he could make out was the lack of nipples and navel. Zim's chest and entire front were smooth and only the contours of his slim but defined muscles were visible. Curiosity had always been one of Dib's more prominent character traits and he couldn't stop the questions from bubbling up in his head.

Among the jumble of scientific ones, like the reason behind the immense strength and sturdiness of such delicate structures... or how and if the irken's home planet's gravity played any role in that... one question kept running through his head more often than the others.

How would that skin feel?

His fingers twitched, trying to remember the feel from when he had been touching him. It had been too short, he had been too occupied at that moment to concentrate on it. But now, as he kept his eyes glued to the smooth, green torso, the question started burning for an answer.

Just as he was starting to debate if just stretching out his hand and touch his companion's chest – for purely scientific reasons – was a good idea or not, a loud snapping noise tore him out of his thoughts. Lifting his eyes and blinking to get his mind to focus on the world outside of his head again, he looked into narrowed, pink eyes over strangely darkened, green cheeks.

Another snap of green fingers right before his eyes finally brought him back to reality and he couldn't help a tiny blush crawling into his cheeks. „What?"

„Yes, WHAT! What are you staring at, Dib-thing?! You've been zoned out for minutes. Again! It's creepy when you stare at Zim like that!" And truly, by the wrappers lying around, Dib had been away on his little mind-trip long enough for Zim to finish the whole box of cookies, leaving the human only with the half-eaten one he still held in his hand.

„Hey, we were supposed to share!"

Zim huffed and gave a toothy grin. „Zim asked you once if you were going to continue eating. When you didn't reply, I took the liberty of preventing these snacks from going bad by sacrificing myself to eat them." Looking up into Dib's face again, he tilted his head, squinting one eye. „Why were you staring at Zim like that?"

„I wasn't s-" But Dib stopped himself with a sigh. His curiosity still burned in him and he knew Zim wouldn't buy his denying anyway. Fighting down another blush, the human gave a uncomfortable shrug with one shoulder. „I was just wondering... I've never seen you without your uniform on, even after all this time down here. I think... I just got curious."

„Are you thinking about dissecting the amazing ZIM?" the alien cried in mock-disgust.

„No! Come on, you know that I'm not. I just.. I can't help..." With one hand, he brushed back his unruly hair, trying to find the right words. „I can't help being curious, you know? I still know so little of you. No matter how many experiments we've done and what data you've let me read, I still... I guess it's just... you've had the advantage of having access to all kinds of information on us humans, yet all I have is what you've told me and what I've seen while being with you. And even though that has been a long time, I still... know nearly nothing about you and your race. Nothing that's... not obvious."

He tried to explain himself, making a vague gesture with his hands, to try and get his point across. „I was wondering... how different you are to a human... how... how you'd... feel." came the quiet confession.

Instead of the outburst of various kinds Dib was half expecting, Zim stayed silent for a moment, seeming to take in this new information. The smooth face didn't show what was going on behind those pink eyes and Dib was starting to worry he had crossed an unspoken line between them. Zim lowered his eyes to his own body, looking at it for a moment.

Then, Zim straightened, sliding off the examination table to stand in front of his human companion. Without so much as a word, a small, three-fingered hand reached for Dib's larger one, pulling it up to press it flat against that smooth chest.

* * *

about the time skip:  
**Between the last chapter and this one, there's a skip of about one to one and a half years. **  
Why skip so much?  
Because nothing big happened  
There's one and a half years of failed experiments, random playfights, Dib getting better slowly while still having severe insanity fits..  
it's been in the last few chapters and it's in this and the following chapters.  
Trust me, I haven't hidden anything from you XD

If there are any questions concerning this timegap, ask me! I'll gladly answer them


	13. Chapter 13

The shock of the unexpected move made Dib forget to breathe for a moment as he felt the smooth, almost velvety skin under his palm and fingertips. Once he did remember that humans needed oxygen, he gasped quietly, meeting serious, magenta orbs with his own, honey-colored gaze.

Swallowing dryly, Dib spread his fingers, feeling them slide over smooth skin. Like this, his hand was almost as wide as Zim's entire chest. Almost as if on their own, his fingers trailed downwards a little, feeling the soft skin covering slim but tight muscles, the ribs that protected the upper, more delicate parts of the irken super-organ...

That much he had picked up.

Like human organs, the more important structures and parts of the squeedlyspooch were located on the top, while less significant ones reached down to their stomach and pelvis where there were no bones to protect them.

The small body felt slightly cooler than a human's, it was likely that their body temperature was lower in general.

Just beneath his fingertips, Dib could feel a soft throb, almost like a heartbeat, but not quite. It was more of a thrum than a precise beat. When his palm brushed across the soft curve of Zim's hip, his fingers resting on the lower belly, a light shudder ran through the alien's small body and Zim pulled away.

„Are you done touching now, Dib-thing?"

Dib opened his mouth to say yes. For a moment, he really intended to. Instead, he closed his mouth again and gave a shake of his head. „No..." he said simply.

He wasn't done.

Far from that.

His hand still tingled faintly from the lingering feel and his curiosity, instead of being quenched, had been fueled even more. Their eyes met once more and Dib could almost see the rapid thoughts rushing behind those magenta spheres. There was hesitation and Zim narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

„Zim doesn't like this." He huffed. Opening his mouth with the intention to apologize, Dib was interrupted before the first sound made it out of his mouth. „This is on unfair terms, Dib-thing. I will not be your study object for free."

„What do you mean?" Was Zim actually considering to let him continue?

„If Zim is going to be a study object, so is the Dib-thing."

„Hey, you had human test subjects before. I'm sure you did enough studying." It was only half a complaint, more meant to tease.

Zim grinned and leaned his back against the table, mindful of his PAK. „You know I only made brain-related experiments. There was no need for anything else, considering how pathetic and frail your species is. But Zim thinks it could come in handy to... learn more of your weaknesses, Dib-thing." A challenge.

Dib found himself grinning and he nodded. „Alright, a fair exchange of... weakness studying, then?" The boy knew it wasn't that. They knew each other's weaknesses blindly by now. And those that they hadn't discovered yet, wouldn't make much difference.

This was merely another game. Intriguing as it was, but both knew that the most they'd achieve was a something else to annoy and tease each other with.

The alien nodded idly and quickly ran his eyes up and down the human's larger body. „Take that off, human, or it won't be fair." Zim pointed to Dib's t-shirt.

A light blush colored pale cheeks, but Dib complied after a moment's hesitation. Pretending his face wasn't as hot as it felt, he pulled his shirt over his head and simply let it fall where it would.

There was the silly urge to cross his arms and cover himself right up again. Such a silly urge, really. Dib told himself to relax and after a moment, he leant back a bit to give Zim a better view of himself.

"There. Is this better?"

„Slightly, yes. It will do for now." Zim grinned, reaching out to poke his pointy, gloved finger into Dib's belly, making the boy jerk and curve forward with an undignified little squawk.

„Hey, stop it!" The human swatted at the small hand, stifling a short laugh. They had a small bout of slapping at each other's hands, with Zim trying to poke him again and Dib trying to fend him off.

As soon as it had started, though, like most of their fights, it was over just as quickly as it had begun and the small, three-fingered hand pressed slightly against the middle of a warm, human chest. Without really knowing why, Dib could feel his heartbeat quicken at the light touch. That didn't go unnoticed and Zim pressed his palm more firmly against the sternum to feel it better.

Almost as an afterthought, the alien pulled back to remove the ever-present black leather gloves, pressing a now much softer palm to the boy's chest.

„I never noticed how distinct the heartbeat is." Zim murmured, more like a note to himself. His eyes were roaming lazily over the larger human frame before him, taking in the differences just as Dib had before.

„There aren't that many differences, are there...?" Dib asked quietly, itching to return his own hands to the alien frame before him.

„Enough to show that irkens still are the superior race. What are these for?" Flicking a clawed finger against one of the nipples on the human's chest, the smaller male watched as the little nub hardened in reaction to the ungentle treatment.

Immediately, one hand flew up to cover the abused little piece of flesh. „Ow, hey! They're sensitive, okay? They're... uh..."

Dib actually had to pause and think about that for a moment. „I'm not really sure. They don't have any real purpose for males. Human women can produce milk and feed their babies with them. I think you know that much." Zim just nodded, looking slightly put off by that concept.

„So.. on males, they're just.. for decoration?"

„More or less, yes. It's like with wisdom teeth. It's a leftover of human evolution."

„See? Inferior species." Zim grinned, feeling pleased with this bit of information and he continued with his exploration. He stopped when he found the bellybutton on Dib's flat stomach. For once, Zim remembered what he heard from biology class about what it was for and didn't bother asking. Instead, he ran his fingertips around the little hollow, feeling the muscles in Dib's belly tense in response.

The human bit his lip to hold back another undignified giggle at the soft, ticklish touches. Zim had crept closer without him noticing and Dib couldn't resist. One hand rose slowly, to ever so carefully brush a fingertip along one of those fragile looking antennae.

He had always wondered what they'd feel like. Dib knew they were delicate and with how Zim treated them, he already guessed that they were sensitive.

Still, the reaction was immediate and unexpectedly strong. The small alien jerked his head away, startled and with cautious eyes pinned to the human's, thin antennae flattened protectively against his scalp.

„Sorry... did that hurt you?"

Zim shook his head, relaxing slowly. The Dib hadn't meant anything by it. He should have realized it was just more of the boy's curiosity. „They... are sensitive." Nodding, Dib reached out again, slower this time.

„I'll be careful."

Now, as he was expecting the touch, Zim let it happen, leaning his head forward a little. The gentle touch sent another shiver through his tiny frame and Dib found himself suddenly quite intrigued by that. His second hand joined the first and they brushed over the length of both antennae, taking in the feel of the almost feathery appendages.

There was microscopic fluff on them and Dib moved the very tips of his fingers against the slightly thicker ends of both stalks, trying to get a better feel of that soft sensation.

Zim had become very still.

The taller male noticed it only after a little while and looked down to Zim's face. Large, magenta eyes were closed; head tilted back slightly, the petite alien looking relaxed and tense all at once. The unusual expression sent a strange rush of warmth down Dib's spine and his mouth suddenly felt dry.

Unbidden thoughts flashed in his mind and he jerked his hands back as if he had been burned, unable to hide his blossoming blush this time.

Zim blinked his eyes open, confused for a moment, until he drew back half a step and quietly cleared his throat.

Dib gave a slightly embarrassed smile, swallowing before he spoke. „They're.. -very- sensitive, I guess...?"

The alien only nodded and smoothed his own hand over his antennae to get rid of the lingering tingle. „Are you finally done with them, dirt-child?" He asked, rubbing his suspiciously darkened, green cheeks with a fist. Dib nodded involutionary, but then hesitated and took a slow breath.

He wanted to know more, see more, get more of that unearthly soft feeling of alien skin under his hands and this thought started to bother him. Now that he had had a first taste of it, though, it was too hard to stop.

Gathering courage he didn't know he had, Dib looked at Zim again, holding on to the edge of the desk behind him for support. „I want to see more."

Zim lifted one nonexistent eyebrow and gave a semi-annoyed sigh. „You humans and your curiosity... and YOURS especially! Will you leave Zim alone with this when you're done?" A quick nod was his only answer and the little alien rolled his eyes. „Fine. But again. Zim refuses to be the only one being stared at."

Dib nodded again, moving his hands down to undo the belt on his dark jeans, just as Zim was hooking his thumbs into the tight, stretchy fabric of his black pants.

It felt so strange.

The human knew he should feel terribly embarrassed to strip in front of Zim. In front of anyone, for that matter. But he didn't. For some reason, as soon as that thought popped up, it was pushed away again.

Who cared? There were no other people here anymore. There was just Zim. And as both their clothes slid to the ground, there was no mocking, no jeering greeting him from Zim's magenta eyes.

The alien wasn't living by human morals and had no knowledge of what humans felt the need to be ashamed for and what not. For Zim, it was just what he had told him. Satisfying his curiosity, his urge to explore and probably, knowing Zim for long enough now, actually trying to find some sort of weakness he could use to annoy him with.

Swallowing thickly, Dib watched as the smaller male finally broke his gaze away from his own and lowered his eyes, taking in the now very nude form of his human companion.

For a long moment, he just watched Zim watching him, not yet daring to lower his own eyes.

Something strange had happened and all the playfulness between them was gone, making room for a heavy atmosphere, oppressive but somehow not unpleasant.

Finally, Dib managed to let his own, honey-colored gaze dare to venture lower, passing the now somewhat familiar territory of the alien's smooth chest. Slowly, his eyes roamed lower yet, over the skinny, but nicely curved hips, again not really much different from a human's.

One more prominent thought that came to mind was, how very, very thin Zim was. He looked so delicate without his uniform and almost as if Dib could envelop that tiny waist completely within both of his hands. And, at a closer look, it wasn't that unlikely. When had Zim started to be so tiny in comparison to him?

Then, suddenly, there was a very distinctive difference between alien and human.

Once he finally dared to look even lower, Dib blinked at the continued, nearly complete smoothness of Zim's body. At first glance, he could have sworn Zim was female. There were no obvious features of -any- sort on his groin, though, so he discarded that thought again.

Now, he did feel naked.

„There's no... you don't have..." he bit his tongue to stop himself from blabbering and was met with an amused, magenta gaze.

„Do you think a superior race like we proud irkens would have any sensitive organs exposed like..." He nodded downwards. „That?"

Feeling his face heat up instantly, the human straightened his shoulders, shrugging. „What about these, then?" He quipped, reaching out to touch at his antennae again and Zim couldn't help the little, surprised sound that escaped his lips.

Grinning, the taller of the pair tugged teasingly at one of those appendages, wanting to get his point across. „Not so well hidden, are they?" Zim growled quietly, trying to lean away from those large hands.

„Stop it, stupid human!" Before they knew it, they were struggling again, Dib trying to reach for Zim's antennae, Zim trying to fend him off.

How they ended up on the floor, neither knew, but they had and now found themselves caught up in their usual wrestle on the ground. „Admit it, you're not as superior as you'd like to think, spaceboy!"

Zim growled a reply, but it was lost when Dib managed to get a hold of one antenna.

Both stilled, tangled from their fight. Dib's large hand was very careful, not intending to cause any serious harm to his alien companion. Yet, Zim kept still, not wanting to make unneeded movements to prevent hurting himself.

Just like that, the mood switched again.

The human had Zim pinned to the ground, one hand on a thin, green wrist, the other gently wrapped around one antenna. Like this, Dib's elbow was at the side of Zim's head for support, with most of his weight still resting on the smaller body.

Zim didn't seem to be bothered by the weight too much, not trying to push him off yet. Instead, his eyes closed halfway when large, warm fingers started to trace the length of the thin appendage again, feather light and almost ticklish.

Very slowly, almost cautiously, the human released the thin wrist, half-expecting Zim to lash out at him or push him off. But, for some reason, it didn't happen.

Dib felt his mouth run dry once more, heat returning to his face and other parts of his body.

Still, he didn't really pay any attention to it.

Dib was drawn in... Completely and utterly fascinated.

It was too intriguing to watch Zim's reaction as his second hand joined the first, both now moving slowly over Zim's antennae.

Magenta eyes slipped shut and with the way their bodies were pressed together, the miniscule shudder that ran through Zim's wiry frame wasn't lost on the taller male.

Quite suddenly, the fact that they were completely bare returned to Dib's brain and he bit his lip to stifle a gasp or probably a moan.

Without stopping his caresses on Zim's antennae, he closed his own eyes, taking in the feel of the smaller, surprisingly soft body beneath his. It was almost as if they were melting into each other, legs perfectly weaving together. With a hint of returning embarrassment, Dib became aware of his throbbing middle, his firm erection pressing tightly against Zim's slim but soft belly.

Very slowly, Zim's arms rose, small three-fingered hands moving to rest on Dib's elbows, not pushing away, not bringing him closer, just holding on.

If the alien noticed the state of Dib's body, he didn't seem to mind or care, seeming too distracted by the touches to his antennae. Dib shuddered, opening his eyes halfway to look down at the smaller male.

They were so very close.

He wasn't sure what had happened to them in the last hour, but it was as if his whole perception of Zim had warped, twisted, changed so much now.

He always had had a rather neutral, almost asexual image of the alien. There just wasn't time or opportunity for anything besides their studies, their plans, the troubles of surviving in 'their' underground base. Now, with a pulsing vengeance, all his neglected hormonal needs came crashing down on Dib, making him painfully aware of a desire he hadn't known he felt.


	14. Chapter 14

Close...

They were so very close... Zim's slightly hitched breaths brushed against Dib's heated cheeks and neck, causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. With the alien's head tilted back like this, there were mere inches to go before their lips could meet.

Dib knew how the green skin felt, now.

But what did Zim taste like...?

The sudden urge to kiss him made his mouth tingle in anticipation, his own breaths coming faster now.

Painfully slow, he leant down, noticing how those large, magenta eyes opened, only halfway, to look at him. Their eyes met once again and Dib shuddered more noticeably. There still was no anger in the alien's delicate face, no displeasure. Only curiosity and a strange sort of calm, mixed with another emotion Dib couldn't name.

The small alien was unusually quiet. There were no words and no hectic gestures, none of the usual agitation that burned within him.

One hand slipped away from Zim's antenna, cupping his cheek instead. Before there was time for any doubts to arise, Dib closed the distance between them and connected their mouths in a light kiss. He wanted more, but feared to startle Zim into pushing him away if he went too fast.

If Zim even knew and understood the gesture of a kiss, its meaning, was beyond his knowledge, but he wasn't worried enough to stop.

Thin, strong arms slid halfway around his shoulders, not quite an embrace, but close enough. Another kiss followed, and another, still soft, lips still closed, but after the third, Dib felt the alien imitate the gesture, pushing agonizingly soft lips back against his own. They were brushing across his own with feathery lightness, to press a short peck to the corner of his mouth.

Then, those magenta eyes closed again and Zim turned his head to nuzzle against the side of Dib's face.

The tiny gesture was so very intimate that it sent horribly intense waves of heat right to his middle and he was unable to keep still, pressing his hips against Zim's. His thigh, which was still tangled between Zim's legs, slid more firmly against the alien.

Even in his muddled brain, Dib became quite aware of the sudden, faint moisture he felt against his skin. His curiosity peaked again and the hand that had cupped Zim's face slid downwards, slowly, moving over the thin frame to squeeze between their tightly aligned bodies.

The silence around them, which had only been interrupted by their near-soundless breathing, was all of a sudden filled with a quiet, keening sigh bubbling from between slightly parted lips. The warm, large human hand had found Zim's center.

Almost automatically, the one hand still at the alien's head continued to caress over Zim's antennae, the rest of his mind now very concentrated on other things.

Carefully and slow, his fingers sought the source of the slick moisture he felt. Where he had not seen anything but smooth, green skin before, he now felt a thin line, the skin quivering slightly underneath his fingertips. Tentatively, he pressed one fingertip against the slightly firmer skin, feeling it part along that line.

Dib stifled a shuddering moan at the slick warmth that closed around his fingertip.

Leaning down for another, almost comically chaste kiss, the human muffled both their quiet sounds when he pushed his fingertip in just another tiny bit, not knowing how fast or far he could go. Being so caught up in what he was doing and feeling, Dib completely failed to notice that one of Zim's small hands had wandered down as well. Only when he felt a cautious touch to his neglected length, he did become aware of it.

Just when he opened his mouth to say something, an ear-splitting, resounding crash tore through the air, startling them into jerking apart. A faint, high-pitched giggle was heard and Zim hissed.

„Gir!" Sitting up, the alien only met Dib's eyes for a short moment, before rising and grabbing his clothes. „This time I'll dismantle him for sure!" And just like that, he was gone.

Dib was left on the ground, still dazed, while a flurry of angry green alien and pink clothes rushed past him, vanishing behind a corner of the room.

It took a long, long moment for Dib to be able to catch up with his situation.

He still sat on the cold, metal ground, feeling the unsatisfied throb of his erection pulsing through his whole body. Pale skin blushed darkly when he became aware of what had just happened, lips and fingers still tingling with the feel of Zim's incredibly smooth skin.

Brushing a hand through his tousled hair, he leant his head back against the side of a table with a groan.

This wasn't good.

This wasn't good at all.

This was a huge, jumbled mess he was in and at the very same moment, he couldn't stop himself from wanting more. He cast a honey-colored glance downward, considering for a moment to finish on his own. But somehow, it didn't feel right, so with a disappointed sigh, he rose off the cold ground, going to find his clothes and get dressed.

Silently, he wished Zim WOULD finally get rid of his deranged little robot.

Once he had dressed halfway, leaving his jeans unbuttoned for comfort, he made his way back to the main corridor of the base and then into the irken version of a bathroom. Even though Zim was able to filter earth's water enough to not react with chemical burns, he preferred the pinkish, clear liquid his computer generated. At least, it worked just as well on human skin as it did on irken, so Dib had gotten used to it as well.

Discarding his clothes on the floor, he stepped to the small tub. A cold shower was just what he needed to calm down and clear his thoughts, be it with water or thin, pink goo. Turning on the shower, he tensed and jerked when the cool liquid met his skin.

Dib quickly came to the realization that this was indeed unpleasant enough to take his mind off of other things for a moment.

When he finally emerged, the human was shivering. It had taken a lot longer than he had imagined to get his body to cool down and his head still hadn't completely stopped mulling over what had happened between Zim and him.

Pulling his clothes back on after he had dried himself, Dib sat on the edge of the tub with a sigh.

Now that he had enough blood back in his brain, he could think about this somewhat rationally.

It had been a natural reaction.

After such a long time, locked into an alien underground base with no contact to the surface, no contact to anything and anyone besides his alien companion and an annoying, insane robot – which he cursed in to all sorts of hell right now –, it was normal to become confused.

But... was it really confusion?

Dib wondered about that. He was a human teenager, even if he rarely put any thought into it. He did have physical needs, he supposed.

Up until now, it hadn't been an issue at all. Usually, whenever any such thoughts appeared, they were quickly dismissed in favor of other, more pressing matters like concentrating on their experiments and work.

Besides, even if he had had the time to indulge in such thoughts, concerning Zim or not, there wouldn't have been much time or opportunity to... do anything.

Feeling the heat return to his face, Dib found himself wondering if he actually felt – at least physically - attracted to the alien. Or if it was all just a desperate attempt of his neglected hormones to find any sort of outlet for his suppressed and forgotten carnal desires.

Even if it was a male alien.

The next thought that sent his mind reeling was...

Zim hadn't protested.

There hadn't been any serious complaints, no cursing, no struggling, no fighting. He had even seemed... to like it. A jolt of heat shot down Dib's spine, at the memory of the quiet sounds and the – feel – of the smaller body beneath his own and he shuddered.

With an irritated sigh, he stood, feeling agitated and knowing he'd not be able to solve this on his own. Before his suddenly very pubescent mind went in the gutter again, he needed to distract himself and figured that Zim could always use some help in handling Gir when he was on a rampage.

Finding them was easy enough.

The yells and the noise of things crashing and breaking soon led the human to the source of the chaos.

With a small chuckle Dib found Gir hanging off the ceiling, throwing down containers with tools and various materials. Zim was understandably furious, yelling and screaming at him to stop and obey his orders, with little to no success. Apparently, Zim hadn't even had a chance to dress properly, as he was clad only in his stretchy, black pants.

And he really looked as if he could use some help.

Searching the pockets of his jeans, Dib found just what he needed. „Gir! Look what I have!" At once, glowing teal eyes turned to him and only a split second later, the little robot had snatched the wrapped chewy candy from his fingers and scampered off to a corner. It would somehow take him at least an hour to be done with it, past experience had shown that.

Plenty of time to talk with Zim.

Said green-skinned alien stomped over to him, huffing in exasperation. „Zim swears... if he keeps this up, I'll shut him down."

Grinning, Dib shrugged. „You keep saying that. But he amuses you too much to really get rid of him."

Sobering a little more, the larger male looked down at Zim with serious eyes. The alien caught his gaze quickly and before Dib could even get a word out, Zim took a step away from him, tensing and pulling on the uniform top he still held in his hand.

Assuming that he after all HAD upset his companion, the human lowered his eyes. „I'm sorry. About earlier. I guess I went too far... I didn't mean to upset you. I just.." he flushed, fumbling with his words. This time, it didn't work quite so well to remind himself that Zim didn't live by human standards and etiquette.

„You didn't... push me away..." he finished lamely, forcing himself to meet that deep, magenta gaze again.

High cheekbones darkened with color and Zim scowled.

Though, against Dib's expectations, there came no angry tirades, no flurry of clawed fists, not even one of his random outbursts. Instead, the alien's voice was low and while obviously not pleased, not really all that angry.

„Your scent." he started, making Dib wonder why he hadn't outright complained about his 'earth-stink' again.

„Your scent... you reek of pheromones. It's distracting. I'd prefer you not emitting them around me." The blush on the human's cheeks only grew darker, not quite able to catch up yet.

„You can... smell pheromones? What... Why didn't you just say it was bothering you? I wouldn't have... I don't know... done something..."

Unable to keep his eyes on Dib, Zim turned his back to him, arms crossing over the slim chest. For a long moment he was silent and Dib started to worry that he wasn't intending to talk to him at all. By the way thin shoulders were tensed and his arms pressed against his body, something was definitely off.

Dib slowly stretched out his hand to touch at Zim's back, but the alien retreated, stepping away from him again. „Do not touch me when you still SMELL like that! Zim can't... Don't make me..."

„Don't... make you what? Zim, I don't understand any of this." Dib tilted his head with a frown, trying hard to fit the pieces together in his head but failing to understand what this really was about.

Whirling around, Zim pinned him with a dark look. „Of course you don't, inferior human. You're giving off that infuriating SCENT! It screams of desire, you wish to make me your mate, but Zim won't have it! I won't talk to you until you get rid of that stench!" Turning around, Dib was left behind once again, to blink stupidly at what had just happened.

Desire?

Slowly, he lifted his arm to his face, sniffing at his own skin to see if there was any sort of weird smell on him. But there wasn't. There was the faintest hint of metallic-sweet, the same scent the cleaning liquid had. But nothing more. Whatever Zim had sensed must have been something the human's senses were unable to pick up.

With Gir still safely busy with his chewy candy, he made his way back to the bathroom and took another shower, this time hot and with lots of shower gel and soap. Only when he was completely satisfied with his cleanliness, did he step out of the pink shower spray and dry himself off, now making sure he smelled of scented soap more than of anything else.

This time, it took longer to find Zim.

Gir had vanished somewhere and, as he sometimes did, made no noise at all, hiding near perfectly. After half an hour, the human finally found Zim in a corner of his main lab, working on a yellow mixture, probably one of their newest experimental cures.


	15. Chapter 15

„Zim?" he called quietly, not wanting to come too close when the smaller male was still upset.

For a long moment, Dib was only met with silence.

Zim stayed where he was, unmoving, keeping his stare glued to the lazily blinking screen.

Just when the boy came to the conclusion that Zim didn't want to talk to him, after all, and that leaving him alone was a good idea, the alien gave a little huff and turned to face him.

"What is it?"

Zim was still tense, Dib could tell, seemingly willing to listen but still bothered by all of this. It glared from the dissatisfied expression in those smooth, green features, a frown pulling at his lips. Dib hesitated, unable to find the right words to say, no matter how much he tried.

"I... about this... I wanted..." He cleared his throat, struggling with the returning embarrassment that quickly colored his pale cheeks. "I didn't mean to upset you. Really, I didn't. If I went too far, I apologize." Not that Dib really... 'regretted' what had happened, it had been nice and it had felt good.

But he had never meant to upset Zim in any way.

Anxiously, he watched the smaller male, waiting for a reply and maybe even an explanation of what was going on. But again, he was met with silence. The alien seemed to be struggling with his own words just as Dib had, green lips opening and closing a few times with no sound making it past them.

Human fingers nervously tugged and twitched at the hem of his shirt, to keep them busy and to hide how much they were trembling.

Then, finally, finally, Zim just gave a huff, letting himself slump back into his chair. "Don't look like that, like Zim would blast your head right off your ridiculous shoulders. Not that that wouldn't be a sight to behold. And don't you believe for a moment, Zim wouldn't do it if would benefit him!" The human gave a small smile despite himself. Zim was lapsing into empty threats and rambling, to cover up for his own uncertainty and... really... not doing a good job with that.

But Dib could more than sympathize with that. This situation was new and he knew that the bond they shared, the bond that had taken them years to form, was dangerously fragile right now. It sobered him right up again and he tried finding the courage to meet magenta eyes with his own.

"Zim..."

The smaller male threw his arms up in a frustrated gesture, frustrated with the situation or himself, probably both. "You filthy humans..." he muttered, shifting his gaze to pretend and watch some data on one of the screens.

Slowly, almost gingerly, Dib pulled out the chair next to Zim's to sit down, hoping that his companion would explain himself.

It again took several minutes in which the alien was silent...

Too silent, almost, and Dib began to wonder if he would speak at all, the smooth face drawn into a pensive little frown. Yet, even as the silence became more and more oppressive and uncomfortably tense, the boy didn't dare open his mouth. He was scared of what Zim would say or not say and Dib felt his palms grow damp with nervousness, balling them to fists to keep himself from shaking.

Then, finally, after what seemed to have been hours, the alien sighed, closing his eyes and taking a slow breath.

"Invaders are picked out by several tests, physical exams and psychological selection procedures. Invaders are proud and solitary. They need no one. They want no company. Invaders, or for that matter, any type of Irken military drones, are not supposed to fall for or give in to ANY kind of lure. ESPECIALLY not to the sexual stench of some FILTHY XENO ORGANISM on the planet they're supposed to invade!" It was impressive to watch, as Zim's voice started at a low calm, but rose with almost every word until Dib flinched at the words.

He jumped when Zim punched his fist into the control panel of the computer before him, rising from his seat with an agitated hiss.

"Zim is above such... such.. primitive things! Zim was just FINE until YOU had to go and screw it all up! And..." Another hiss and the alien slumped forward, supporting his weight on his stretched arms on the control panel he had punched just a moment before.

Dib still sat frozen, lost for what to say or do as the other ranted. "I... I'm sorry... really, Zim, I..." Unable to help it, he stood, reaching out to touch Zim's shoulder in hopes of somehow calming him, placating him. As soon as his fingers touched at the soft fabric of the pink shirt, though, he felt the alien tense even more beneath it. Still, he didn't pull his hand back, instead giving a light tug at the thin shoulder to turn Zim around to face him.

It took a moment until the smaller moved, straightening a bit and attempting to meet Dib's honey-colored eyes. It was a miserably failed attempt, and with a freshly blossoming blush and a frown, magenta orbs moved their focus to somewhere just beneath the human's sternum.

And yet...

Zim didn't pull back. Neither did he push Dib away or rail at him.

And the blush on green, smooth cheeks only darkened, the longer this went on.

Dib swallowed. He wanted so bad to just say something. Anything, really, to undo the damage he had caused. There was an awful little knot of anxiety building in his middle, growing and growing until he felt his chest tightening with fear.

Zim was all he had.

Zim was the only thing that hadn't been taken away from him and the fear that he had done something to chase him away frightened him like nothing else.

He could not afford to lose the alien on top of everything else!

Trembling hands squeezed at delicate shoulders, even while he tried to open his mouth to apologize, to at least make a sound, but his throat felt dry and tight and useless. Even more so, when the smaller stayed immobile and silent before him, those large eyes closing with a shaky sigh.

Inevitably, Dib's eyes were drawn to trembling, green lips, a hot shudder running down his back at the memory of how they had felt beneath his own. And still, the shame and guilt came crashing down on him just seconds after, causing his eyes to burn with rising tears.

He was ruining everything!

And he didn't know what to say or do to prevent that from happening. It felt like his mind was running a mile a second, shooting dozens of futile ideas at him, while at the same time, it felt as though his thoughts were made of thick jelly, slow and dripping heavily from his mind as he fought and struggled to come up with a solution to bring them out of his horrible mess he had mired them into.

Or at the very least... to open his mouth to say something.

And still, Zim remained silent. Did nothing. Said nothing. Screamed nothing. Didn't struggle. Didn't even move. He just stayed, immobile, within the boy's grasp, eyes tightly closed and awfully tense right down to the way his antennae had flattened to his head.

Swallowing around the painful lump in his throat, Dib tightened his hold on slim shoulders, ignoring or probably covering up for how badly his hands were shaking.

At the feel of large, human hands holding him even tighter, the alien gave a little start, lips opening to let out a strangled gasp while his eyes snapped up, locking with wet, human ones.

Time seemed to freeze for a long, long moment.

Then, it sped up. So much that Dib was dizzy with the speed, things happening much, much too fast for either of them to keep up with. Small hands shot up to yank at the boy's collar, just as Dib's hands were suddenly around Zim's small back, buried in pink fabric.

They were kissing, then.

They were kissing again and the contact was so far away from anything they had done that it sent his mind spinning.

This time, there were no tentative touches, no softness, no hesitation. They weren't just brushing their lips and they weren't careful.

This time, it was hot and hungry and desperate.

The prick of sharp little teeth, the coppery taste of blood and a barely audible hissing noise somehow registered with the human through the thick fog numbing his mind. A thin, worm-like tongue was gliding against his own and the dizzying, sweet, sweet taste and scent of the alien filled his senses. Dib felt lightheaded, numb and hypersensitive at the same time.

Another, harder bite to his lips and the boy was shoved off, stumbling from being suddenly unbalanced and only just managing to land on his rear on the chair behind him, instead of crashing to the ground.

Wide-eyed, he stared at the smaller male, watching as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and licked at the faint red traces of blood left on his lips. Zim hissed, cursing under his breath about the filthy earth water and chemicals and several other things Dib's addled brain wasn't able to decipher.

Now, he was beyond confused.

Almost unconsciously, he licked at his own lips, flinching at the sharp sting resulting from it.

His lower lip was bleeding from the small cut Zim's teeth had caused while they had been...

"Zim... I..."

"Shut up, Dib-thing! This... This will stop right here!" The alien's face was heavily flushed, and he was pacing, rubbing at his lips every few steps to get rid of the lingering burn from the human's blood and saliva on his too sensitive skin.

Not that it seemed to help much.

Dib was still sitting, unable to feel his legs, much less tell them to move to stand himself up.

"I don't..."

Zim scoffed and rolled his magenta eyes. "Of course you don't! But it doesn't matter! Zim is above such primitive urges and now that we've got this silliness done, there's no need to repeat it."

Once more, the human tried to open his mouth to ask or say something, really, anything to understand the situation, but was immediately silenced by the alien's stern look. "No! It's fine! It's done with! Zim does not wish to talk about this any further. We'll just-"

A sudden, shrill noise caused both of them to jerk, Dib nearly falling right off his chair as hard as he startled, hands flying up to cover his ears against the alarm that sounded.

"COMPUTER! What is the meaning of-"

"Proximity breech. Intruder detected near front door."

Zim gave an almost inhuman shriek, kicking his chair hard enough to send it crashing into the closest wall. It just was the worst of all times for another disturbance when the alien was already riled beyond reason. "What about the security gnomes!"

"Hardware error. Unable to connect."

"..."

The way Zim's eye twitched told Dib everything he needed to know and he wisely chose to be as quiet and invisible as possible. He knew who had caused the hardware error and he expected the banshee shriek of "GIR! … Computer! Find my disguise and..."

The computer provided more or less helpfully "...send the robo-parents?" Zim hung his head in defeat.

"Irk, no! Gir messed with them, they're useless. I'll deal with that myself."

Dib, in the meantime, had curled up on his chair, clutching at his own arms to try and calm down, instead of letting the panic in his middle grow further at the unfamiliar deafening noise. "Zim... can't you just... pretend you're not home?"

Said alien stopped to regard the curled up boy, easily recognizing the warning signs of a fit. "Computer, stop that noise!" Thankfully, it obeyed quickly and Dib gave a somewhat shaky sigh of relief, trying to get his trembling under control.

He knew he had to calm down, but after this whole day, his endurance and painfully built-up resistance to stress and excitement was dangerously close to running out. He could feel it.

Even with the alarm shut down, Dib didn't feel much better, feeling the anxiety becoming worse the more his mind replayed the events of the last few hours.

So much had changed.

He had screwed up so much.

There was so much damage he had caused and Zim was angry. Angry at him.

And so, so much confusion, too. Zim had complained, which he understood. Zim had ranted, which he understood very well.

Zim had kissed him back.

Which he didn't understand.

At all.

Sure, the alien had started to halfway explain about pheromones and hormones and things and Dib could piece some of the shards together. It gave him enough information to make a guess about how the alien was affected by him without wanting to be.

Dib didn't want to do that to his companion. His friend. If he did, he'd only end up losing him and he...

He could not lose Zim.

...There was so much noise again...

Noise...

White noise in his ears, in his head, and he tried to curl up further, away from the noise and away from his own punishing thoughts. Hands flew up to cover his ears. An automatic reflex to block out the noise.

Only it didn't help.

There was a sudden sensation of motion, falling, and his stomach churned, right before his back and head connected with something solid.

Pain exploded from the ungentle impact and with a large gasp, he snapped his eyes open, returning to himself just enough to recognize Zim standing over him. The alien must have pushed him off the chair and to the ground. Dib just blinked, trying to get his breathing back under control.

"I repeat, Dib-thing." Zim's voice was calm and stern, since it usually seemed to work best to get through to the human. "Zim demands you calm yourself down. Stay here. Zim will deal with the intruder. You. Will. Stay. Here." Dib nodded stupidly, unable to bring himself to move from his prone position on the ground right now.

"Calm down." His voice was softer now, and that fact alone impressed the boy. Zim wasn't exactly someone to have himself under control, especially when he was annoyed.

"Zim will be back in a few minutes."

Again, Dib just nodded, taking a slow breath and relaxing back against the cool floor. The cold was soothing. "Promise?"

One magenta eye squinted as the alien watched the human. Then, he sighed. "Promise. Now shut it and stay put so Zim can finally deal with the intruder."

With that, he left Dib lying somewhat safely on the ground, putting on his despised and horribly ineptly bad human disguise and taking the elevator up to the ground level.


	16. Chapter 16

Dib did as he had been told.

He stayed on his safe little spot on the cold ground, golden eyes half-closed and focusing his own breathing and on the cold seeping into him from below. The back of his head still throbbed dully, helping him to stay mostly lucid.

To not risk a relapse, Dib forced himself to keep his thoughts away from what had happened before. Instead, he turned his head a bit, watching the surveillance camera's transmission on the screen. There was a man in uniform at the door.

The more the boy squinted, the more it became clear that it had to be a cop of some sort. He frowned. What did a cop want here? There hadn't been anyone close to the house for almost a year now.

No one bothered.

As far as Dib suspected, no one even remembered them. Neither Zim nor he had been to school in... in... how long had it been again? At least two years, that much was sure. And not once had anyone tried to inquire about their whereabouts or wellbeing.

Or Zim's at least.

He had to shake his head at his own silliness. Of course, nobody would ask for Dib. Not here. Probably not anywhere anymore.

He frowned, trying to bring his focus back to the screen.

Zim was still talking to the man at the door, and the human recognized the nervous nature of his companion's body language as he spoke. Something was off.

This didn't seem like a coincidental or random visit. Not with how the cop seemed to insist to continue talking.

Dib frowned. Just when he was about to ask the computer if there was an audio feed to go along with the mute images, the cop wrote down something on a notepad and left the front step to return to his car. Zim shut the door and Dib frowned even more when he saw him put the higher security locks in place.

Then, the little alien moved from the camera's view and a just a minute later, there was the quiet hum of the elevator descending. Dib didn't move, staying on his spot on the ground, just like Zim had told him to. But also, simply because he felt strangely comfortable right now. The cool ground beneath him soothed his frayed nerves without threatening to chill him.

The even clacking of boot steps reached him and he smiled a bit, if worriedly, when he was greeted with an upside-down view of the fuming alien. "What was that about?"

"One of those annoying security drones." Zim hesitated, looking down at the human with a frown. "He was asking about you. He said he had intel about your whereabouts. He said he suspected you might be here."

Paling, eyes widening, the boy sat up straight. "H... How?! I... I can't... They'll...!"

A neatly polished boot connected with the front of his shoulder, sending him right back down onto the floor. "'They' will do nothing. You won't do anything either. Zim will think of something and you will stop freaking out at me."

"But-... Zim! They will come back looking for me! They will come into the house and they... they might find the base!" Pushing the boot away from his shoulder, he sat up again, feeling a new wave of fear wash over him. "They will find... you!"

"No, they won't." Slowly, the smaller male bent down until he was squatting in front of the distressed boy, their faces level. "Do you think Zim couldn't think of a plan for something like this?" He smirked.

"Do you have a plan?"

"Not yet. But Zim'll have one before they're back. So, you calm down and we'll find something to eat." It barely helped calming him, but Dib knew there was no use arguing when the alien held this look. Zim was probably already brewing up some sort of maniac plan.

And he wasn't considering or even threatening to hand him over. At least, not out loud.

Now that was something that managed to keep his anxiety somewhat at bay. "Now that you mention it... I think I am kind of hungry. After all, you ate all MY cookies."

"YOUR cookies? Those were Zim's, Dib-thing, and you know it! You just stole them and were then too stupid to eat them when you had the chance. Your own fault. But there should be a few other filthy human foodstuffs left which you can have."

A few foodstuffs... more like tons of foodstuffs. Dib had to chuckle a bit, knowing that one of the storage rooms was filled to the ceiling with cans and packages of storable foods. Thinking about it, it was really ridiculous.

There were so many different sorts of canned foods, dried foods, some fresh things every few weeks... The alien really had stolen enough food to last for several years. And if they were ever caught, they'd be thrown in jail simply for the thievery.

But that wouldn't happen. It couldn't happen. They would surely find a way to prevent anyone finding the base. Maybe they could just -

Dib was ungently torn back out of his thoughts when his foot connected with something solid, sending him crashing onto the floor with a rather undignified squawk. "Owww..."

Holding on to his now throbbing toe, he blinked against the resulting moisture in his eyes and found himself near his own room, Zim a few steps ahead and gifted him with an incredulous stare. "You need to stay out of your own head, Dib-thing."

"I know, Spaceboy. I'm trying to." He grinned a little, despite his hurting toe. Pulling himself back up, the boy took a moment to stretch a bit, hearing a few bones pop as he did so. "You wouldn't believe the day I had. All sorts of crazy, unbelievable things happened. I think I'm entitled to have a few crazy moments for myself."

Shaking his head, Dib actually had to laugh a bit, running a hand through his dark hair.

Unexpectedly, his laugh was quickly joined by Zim's and their eyes met. "YOU, Dib-thing, are crazy by default. Don't try to blame it on the day." An accusing finger was pointed towards him.

That only caused them to laugh more and Dib felt so, so much weight suddenly lift off his shoulders. Things weren't all awkward when they could still share a laugh like that. His laughter calmed to a soft chuckle and he sighed, smiling at the smaller. "I'm sorry for all the crazy. But we... we're still good, right? You're not mad at me anymore?"

The alien seemed to think about that a moment, but gave a short shake of his head. "It's not like it'd help the situation any. But you need to..." Once more, color rose to Zim's smooth cheeks. "That... will not happen again. It's a distraction neither Zim nor you can use right now... AT ALL! Come now, stupid human. Let's find something to eat and then think about how to get rid of those meddlesome police drones."

Stomping away, Zim left his companion standing in the hall, blinking at his retreating back. That had been an interesting little slip of tongue right there. But it held implications Dib did not dare investigate further.

The other was right.

There was no use for any further distractions now. They had more pressing matters to think about and with a little sigh, he followed after Zim, rubbing at his empty belly. Some food would definitely help getting his brain to function more properly.

As usual, Zim's meal consisted of a variety of sugary, deep-fried pastries, followed by the irken version of a sandwich. Honey-colored eyes flicked over to the sandwich-lookalike. It did almost look like a regular sandwich, with bread and some meat and vegetables on it... but he had never dared to ask what it was made of. The spongy, gelatinous consistency alone was enough to make him stay away from it.

His own food, this time made of instant ramen mixed with canned vegetables, sat much better with his stomach and he leaned back with a sigh once he was done. "Did the cop say when he would be back?"

Zim shook his head. "No. But Zim wasn't really paying much attention."

"Sounds like you." Grinning, he flicked a pea at the alien's head, knowing it wouldn't cause an allergic reaction like meat did. Still, the reaction was impressive and just barely, he managed to duck the half-eaten sandwich thrown his way.

"What do you think you're doing, throwing DISGUSTING earth food at Zim's ingenious head!"

"I just thought the color fit well." The human chuckled, leaning back in his chair and looking up at the wired ceiling. "You know, it's too bad we can't just take the base and put it somewhere else. Without the house. We don't use it anyway, we only live underground. Without the house nobody would even know we're there. But destroying the house above would only make people dig around and still discover the base..." It was little more than a thought voiced out loud, but when he looked back at Zim, he did a double-take at the expression on his face.

The alien looked so stunned that Dib was actually starting to wonder if he had said something wrong. "Zim?"

"OF COURSE!" the small alien shot up from his seat, slapping a palm to his face with a groan. "We move the base! Ah, stupid Zim! Of course, we just move the damn base!"

Dib blinked. "Is that even possible? I mean.. it's huge! How do we move it without anyone noticing?"

The look he received spoke volumes about how silly Zim found his question. "Well, Zim built the base here in this place without anyone wondering about or even noticing the new house. Nobody will suspect a thing if the base is moved and... and... and I'll cover it all up by blowing up the house! Yes! Yesss, we'll make a nice, big firework of it. They'll search the remains and find nothing but rubble. No trace of the base, no trace of us. Zim'll find a new place, somewhere else, away from this filthy, stupid, bothersome city."

"And no one will know because it'll be completely underground. With no new house. We'll be invisible." Dib finished, a glow in his eyes. "They... might even stop looking for me..." he breathed, looking down at his hands, then raking one through his hair.

"We can make... I... I'll fake my death!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

Now, Dib looked at the alien, his golden eyes holding a spark that caused a small shudder to run down the alien's small back with its intensity.

"It's easy! All we need is a bit of blood.. or a lot of blood, and some of my hair. Something for them to find beneath the rubble. We've taken so many blood samples from me... I can just collect some more, just enough for a nice, gory disaster site. I'll cut off my hair, make it look like I exploded right along with the house. We just need to make the explosion big enough to make sure they don't wonder where my body went..."

Dib's grin only widened, almost painfully so, the more the idea formed in his head. "And even if they suspect something, even if they find out it was a fake... we'll be far away and hidden and they'll find no trace of us. It's perfect!"

And it was. This plan would need some preparing. And a little time. But if they could pull it off, Zim knew it'd work. Magenta eyes took a slow look around, pondering how much time they'd need and how many explosives. They would need to cover it up, maybe with a gas explosion from the fake kitchen. If they only created a big enough explosion, powerful enough, there would be no evidence that it had been fake.

Once his gaze returned to the unexpectedly silent human, Zim immediately straightened in his seat in alarm. "Stop that right now!"

Something in their conversation had triggered an attack.

A bad one, and the alien gave a hiss at the sight before him.

Dib was staring at his hands, through them, most likely, and he was shaking badly. His skin had lost all color and what really got Zim moving was that the human sounded like he was choking, gasping for breath but not getting much.

Zim jumped up from his seat and was next to the boy in an instant.

"No, no, no, you DON'T! Stop that, Dib-thing!" Pushing down the boy's hands, he pulled him up a bit by his collar to face him. "Breathe, idiot!"

When the human failed to comply with his command, or even react to his presence at all, Zim made an angry, clicking sound. "LISTEN to ZIM!" He shook him, already pulling back one hand to deliver a resounding smack to Dib's pallid face.

And another, just to make sure it registered with the boy.

A moment of complete silence followed, merely a second or two, but it drew out like gum before Dib finally took a large, gulping breath, almost collapsing in on himself, clutching at his head and curling forward until he slumped to his knees on the ground.

"Dib-thing, snap out of it!"

Zim knew it could be minutes or hours until Dib recovered and he held on to shaking shoulders in hopes it was a short fit this time.

Maybe it was just one of the random attacks he experienced.

Maybe all that talk about destruction and death after the – admittedly turbulent – events of the day had simply taken its toll on the frail psyche of the human.

The alien cursed under his breath. Sometimes he simply forgot how fragile Dib was sometimes.

A small noise caught his attention and he cringed when Dib gave a bone-wrecking sob.


	17. Chapter 17

Just as Zim had dreaded, Dib's fit lasted well over two hours, which the boy spent curled into a tight little ball on the floor, clutching at his head and occasionally giving a few muffled sobs.

And the entire time, the alien sat with him, watching that he kept breathing and that he wouldn't end up having spasms and injuring himself. It rarely happened, but Zim knew it was probably best to be on the safe side.

At least, Dib wouldn't remember any of this. Once he woke, he would be tired, confused and sometimes, understandably, frightened. That, however, could usually be fixed with a good night's sleep and some distraction.

Of his attacks or whatever happened during them, Dib never had any memories.

And it probably was best that way.

At long last, the boy stirred, a muffled whimper on his lips as he uncurled and rolled over onto his back. Unsteady hands rubbed at his eyes as Dib blinked and tried to get his eyes to focus.

"Finally awake, Dib-thing?"

Zim's voice was low and Dib was thankful for that, his ears still buzzing and his whole body feeling oversensitive to the sensations around him. "Y... yes... I'm here..."

"Where are you?"

Stretching out his cramped limbs, the boy stiffly turned his head to take a look at his surroundings. "Room after the one next to my bedroom. We had dinner... Then..." The boy's speech was still slurred and slow, but Zim was relieved to hear he was conscious enough to answer and recall the events just before his attack.

"Yes, dinner. And then?" Neither moved much yet, Dib, because he couldn't and Zim because he didn't want to unnecessarily agitate his companion just yet.

"Then..." A slow breath, and another and the human frowned as he tried scraping up the muddled bits of memory to form a full picture. "Then we made.. a plan... a plan.. to blow up the house... move the base... something... something with blood..."

A cool, leather-gloved hand pressed to his fevered brow and Dib sighed at the allaying touch, closing his eyes. "Mh..."

"That's enough, you'll remember the rest later. Can you get up, Dib-thing? You need to get your stupid sleepy hours."

The cool touch felt infinitely soothing and Dib found he wasn't really listening properly. Instead, his own hand rose unsteadily, to place it over the three-fingered one to keep it exactly where it was. "Gonna get up in a minute... still dizzy... just a moment."

Sighing a bit, with a roll of his large eyes, Zim just let him, pulling back his hand after a little while, to replace it with his other hand, it being a little cooler since it hadn't been warmed by human skin yet. The touch made Dib smile and tired, honey-colored eyes opened a crack to regard his companion.

"Thank you..."

Another short minute and the human took a steadying breath, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "I guess some sleep is just what I need." Another breath and Zim rose with him to stabilize the swaying boy when he stood, needing a moment to anchor himself.

Once somewhat safe on his feet, Dib started moving, eager to just get to his room and go to bed.

The few steps took much, much longer than usual, but he managed, glad for Zim at his side, even if he didn't touch him. He was there, simply to make sure he wouldn't fall or get lost on the short way. The gesture, small as it was, was more than enough sign of how things were between them and the boy smiled, reassured that he hadn't messed up too badly.

Finally, he rounded the corner and stepped into his room, almost instantly letting himself drop onto the soft padding of his bed. Yawning, he pushed his face into the comforters, already on the verge of drifting off. "Zim... gonna go sleep, plan 'morrow..." he mumbled, only managing to shift his arm a bit to prevent it from falling asleep beneath his own body weight.

Then, he was out like a light, breaths evening out after a moment and the alien shook his head, watching the exhausted boy sleep. Probably, he should get some rest as well. If they were to follow through with their plan of blowing up the house and moving the base, they'd need their energy.

Catching himself watching the human sleep, Zim shook his head, turning on his heel to clean some more of the damage Gir had done before he withdrew to another of the smaller rooms to rest.

True, irkens didn't sleep. Not unless they were extremely sick or injured. But spending an hour or two in a dark, quiet room and shutting off unnecessary thoughts to recuperate some never hurt. He was tempted to mull the day's events over, analyze what had happened and...

Gloved fingers touched at his own lips in remembrance, but... No... no. Zim would not waste his rare moment of quiet with thoughts like that.

Sighing, he moved to sit on the single chair in the room, sinking into the pink cushions and letting his eyes slide shut. Rather quickly, he slipped into a kind of light doze. Still fully aware of his surroundings, but other than that pleasantly unwound and untroubled by his thoughts.

For a few, precious hours the base was drenched in silence.

By the time Zim decided he had rested enough, Dib was still deeply asleep. It was to be expected, really, and the alien found himself at Dib's door again, watching the boy's chest rise and fall evenly to make sure he was still breathing. As soon as he realized what he was doing, Zim growled at himself and turned away, closing the door quietly behind him.

It was infuriating. What the Dib was doing to him...

He couldn't concentrate properly. Now that the Dib had shown interest... THIS kind of interest, Zim found himself very, very tempted.

And it was infuriating.

It wasn't really that he was angry at the human. No matter how much he wanted to blame it all on the boy, he knew Dib had no real clue and no real fault in any of this. Zim gave a quiet hiss. It was more an annoyance with himself that he couldn't shake off.

Even if there now was the possibility of having a willing and – he had to grudgingly admit – not entirely uncomely partner, he knew there was no way he could let that happen.

Both his pride and his duty stepped up to protest vehemently at even the slightest attempt to consider this new opportunity.

Besides...

If even a mere kiss threatened to burn the sensitive insides of his mouth, Zim didn't even want to imagine how any other sort of contact would feel like.

Forcing himself to focus, the alien sped up his steps to make his way to the main computer room. There would be some planning that needed to be done before they blew up the house. First of all, and if only to take his mind off other things and provide a bit of relaxation, he would see how many explosives they'd need and which to use to imitate a gas explosion.

Zim grinned a bit. Yes... this would do to relax himself just fine.

It was another few hours filled with silence, making clear that Gir had to have snuck out at some point and couldn't possibly be anywhere in the base.

Not that Zim was complaining.

It gave him a bit more time to start actual preparations and at some point, he found himself thinking that it didn't really matter if the deranged little robot ever returned at all. He had no use for him. All Gir had ever done was mess things up or cause chaos on his own.

The only value the robot had was a nostalgic one. Gir was the only being... the only THING except for his equally useless computer voice he had brought from his homeworld.

After all these years here on earth – it had to be over six years since he had landed – he had no more need for a nostalgic reminder. Especially if it was one that constantly botched up and sabotaged his work where ever he went.

Shaking his head and giving an annoyed sigh, the alien shook his head. He'd not get rid of the failed attempt of a minion that easily and really... he had more important things to think about right now.

Like the delicious choice of explosives and the question if there was such a thing as "too much" for their intent. Zim knew, if it was just him, he'd blow up the house, right along with their entire district. Just to be entirely sure that there was nothing left for the earth authorities to find.

Nothing but rubble and ashes.

Zim grinned. Yes, he liked that concept quite a lot.

And the Dib had been right... maybe it was the perfect opportunity to make people stop looking for him.

He was torn out of his musings when he heard an all too familiar scream tear through the base.

Still, no matter how often he heard it, it never failed to make the alien jump to his feet, making a wild dash down the hall to the Dib's room. The doors slid open to reveal the boy sitting on the floor in a tangle of sheets and trembling limbs.

"Dib-thing?" Zim called out cautiously, not yet stepping into the room to avoid startling the boy further.

To his credit, Dib only startled a bit, snapping wide, golden eyes up to stare at the alien. It took another moment for him to get his bearings and calm down a little.

"I... I'm sorry... I just..."

"Nightmare again?"

"Yes... I didn't mean to disturb you. There just was... she was... she was talking to me and..." Zim watched with a growing frown how the still-confused human fumbled with his words and raked a hand through his unruly, black hair when he failed to put his jumbled thoughts to words.

"Shut up, Dib-thing. You just had an attack a few hours ago, if you work yourself into another, Zim will hit you."

Somehow, this worked to calm the boy and the dark head gave a nod, slowly, slowly lowering his drawn-up shoulders and taking a few, deep breaths.

Then, he managed a little smile, wrapping his rumpled comforter tighter around himself. "I don't want to be hit. I'd rather have breakfast."

"Ah, too bad, Zim would have quite liked hitting you." Both grinned and Dib shrugged, pulling himself up slowly. He wiped at the residual moisture on his forehead and Zim could see he was still trembling, the motions somewhat stiff and erratic.

But he was calming and it didn't look like he was going to lapse back into an attack right away, so breakfast it was.

Still, Zim stayed and watched Dib move about a moment longer, while the boy busied himself with tidying his sleeping place and look for fresh clothes. Just when he had found a t-shirt he liked, he paused to look at the alien. "...what is it?"

"Nothing. Your head is stupid!"

Dib blinked a little speechlessly at that, left behind when the smaller male turned on his heel to march off, back to his main computer room. With a small shake of his 'stupid' head, Dib chose to simply ignore this bit of randomness and just get dressed.

Throwing his worn shirt on top of the pile of laundry that needed washing, he decided to wash up a bit himself before he joined Zim for breakfast. Even though he had showered – twice – the day before, he still felt grubby after his fit, like he always did.

Dib made quick work of that, eager to get some food into his system. Soon enough he found Zim already snacking away on something near his computer. There was a large bowl with a wild mix of different cereals sitting next to him on the control panel and he blinked. "Did... you make me breakfast?"

It was obvious how much the little alien tried not to blush. "Y... You'd have taken forever and we have things to do and explosions to prepare and Zim won't watch you idle about for ages until you've decided on what to eat."

Dib just nodded and smiled knowingly.

"Well, thank you, this looks really good." True, it wasn't the first time Zim had prepared meals for him, but it was a rare occasion and really, as the taller male sat down next to his companion to pick up the rather copious portion of breakfast, he very much appreciated the gesture.

"So... about moving the base... how will that even work?"


	18. Chapter 18

The alien took a large bite of what seemed to be a huge candy bar, mumbling around his mouthful of sugar "It's really quite easy." he grinned. "The base will fold in on itself, until it's back in capsule form. We'll take the voot and move somewhere else, while we leave tons of explosives beneath the house to blow it up as soon as we're out of range."

Blinking, Dib looked at the smaller being for a long moment. He opened his mouth, fully intending to ask just how something as giant as their underground base, with all its computers, storage space, material, items and... just... it in its entirety, would manage to reduce itself into a capsule.

He closed his mouth.

Opened it again.

And ended up only shaking his head. "Never mind..." Over the years, the human had learned in which situations it wasn't worth bothering to ask for an explanation.

No matter what Zim would answer.

No matter how or what or if he explained this.

And honestly, no matter if any of it would make any sense or abide to the physical laws of the universe.

Dib knew, if Zim said the base would fold in on itself, into a capsule, the damn thing WOULD, somehow, miraculously, fold in and they would somehow transport it to another place.

"Alright, so, the base will be moved. The house will stay and serve as a cover-up explosion. How will we do that? I mean... I know the 'how', but... will we pretend it was an accident? Leave some fake evidence for arson? Should I..." The boy hesitated, making sure he was calm before he continued.

Yesterday, this very topic had sent him into a violent fit and he wasn't all too keen on repeating that.

"Dib-thing." The tone of voice and the intensity of magenta eyes on his own seemed to mirror that worry and he gave a calming smile. "I'm fine. I've had time to think about this." A sigh, an uncomfortable shift of shoulders before he continued.

"I think... I should make use of this opportunity. People will continue to search for me. And even if we move the base and nobody will come bother you again, I'll still only be 'missing' and they'll still look for me. If I manage to leave enough traces, they might think I'm dead and I'll... just be gone. I'll cease to exist. I'll be gone entirely, no one will ever bother with looking for me again, they'll forget. Just..."

The shuddering breath that followed sent a quite unpleasant little jab straight through the alien's 'spooch and Zim cringed a bit, knowing there were tears even before they rolled down pale cheeks.

"They'll forget about me just like they wanted. They'll stop bothering and maybe... I'll be able to... at some point... go outside again."

The outside, yes.

It was a topic they both were aware of but never touched.

Dib, while never complaining about being locked up in the safety of the base, longed to go outside.

Badly.

He couldn't, though. The moment he'd set foot outside, people would recognize him. He was too famous by now. Especially around this city. And the boy knew it, so he never said a word and Zim was careful not to put his finger in this particular wound.

It was natural, too. No matter how much of a mystery humans still were to him, Zim knew that they largely lived in the open for a reason. Unlike Irkens, they were dependent on sunlight and social interactions. Dib was no exception.

As Dib rubbed the tears from his eyes, the alien sighed, knowing the boy's silence around this topic was mostly to be strong in front of him and to not appear thankless for his going out of his way for the human's comfort.

And Zim didn't know how to handle it, so he simply waited for his companion to come around.

"Stop your sniffling." he hissed, though it lacked real malice.

Dib just gave a wet chuckle and – probably just to annoy him – gave another, louder sniffle before simply wiping the remaining tears away on his sleeve.

"Sorry, I'm good now."

"Since when have you ever been good at anything?"

"I'm better than you at many things, Spaceboy!"

Dib smiled, a lot brighter and more genuine than before. The familiar banter, comfortable, comfortable little insults that lacked real spite, it always served to calm both of them. It was what they had shared since the very beginning and it always gave Dib something to hold on to.

After all, what they were going to do would put an end to an era.

It wouldn't change anything. Not really. The base would be just the same, at least if what he heard from Zim was right. They would continue to experiment on a cure, they would still play-fight and they would live like they were right now.

They would just be in another place.

And yet.

Yet.

The place where it had all started, the weird, green, awry, bright and just plain WRONG little house that had always stuck out like a sore thumb just like the green skinned new kid at school had stuck out would forever be gone. And Dib didn't quite know how to feel about it.

It was a purely emotional thing, the boy knew. But he still felt a little sad about it.

Blowing it up would end an era.

Maybe it was best this way. Maybe, just maybe it would also help him forget as well.

It would be nice... really, to be able to simply forget a few things. Some of the pain. Some of the hurt. Do it like his family had, his classmates, the rest of the world that had forgotten about him. Or soon would forget he ever existed.

Honey-colored eyes blinked open at a weird, cold sensation on his forehead. Another, tiny impact, and one more and Dib finally caught up with the world again and the fact, that Zim was flicking milk-soaked cereal pieces at his head and into his hair.

Just as the alien reached for the bowl in Dib's hands again, to pick up a new piece, the human pulled it away. "What the HELL, Zim?!"

"Do you have any idea of how boring it is to watch you go away on your little la-la-trips? Zim figured there was a chance for target practice." The grin the alien wore was both mocking and relieved at the same time.

"And for that you stick your unwashed alien fingers into my food and throw cornflakes at me?"

"Zim was trying to warn you. It's your own fault if you don't listen."

"I swear, someday I'll..." It wasn't really worth getting himself riled up, he knew. Afterall, Zim had been trying to bring him out of his thoughts AND provide a distraction for the dark mood he had been working himself into.

He shook his dark, now filthy hair to get rid of the bits of cereal and drops of milk. One hand went up to pick out a few pieces that refused to leave on their own. "Well... I WAS considering cutting my hair. It's gotten so long. And..." Honey-colored eyes met magenta orbs with a serious stare. "It will make some good evidence I've been in the house during the explosion."

"It'd be better if we had a body to go along with it."

"I know, but we haven't."

"We could get one."

Wide eyes turned back to the alien, not quite believing what he'd just heard.

"N...no we can't! We can't just kill someone just to give them a body!"

The alien just scoffed, shrugging. "Why not? It's not as if any of the people here mean anything to you. We'll just pick someone, dispose of him, and make sure the body's burnt properly to destroy any possibility of identifying it. Then we'll sprinkle some of your blood and your hair over the place and everything will be just peachy. The explosion will take out several other houses around it anyway, Dib-thing."

Serious alien eyes met his own and Dib knew he was right. There would be casualties no matter how they did it.

"It will be perfect, you know it. Zim can pick someone you dislike, if you prefer that." A toothy grin and Dib had to swallow at the short, but undeniably excited little sensation twisting his middle.

It startled him.

The prospect to use another person as a sacrifice for his self-serving purposes was abominable.

But, at the same time...

There was a frighteningly, undeniably seductive temptation.

Dib didn't know where the thought suddenly came from, but the idea of using not some random person, but someone that had hurt him...

Revenge.

It was the simplest prospect. It was one of mankind's most basic instincts, really.

An eye for an eye.

Immediately, several names came to mind and the mental image of either of them blowing up along with the house sent a thrill down Dib's back that made him physically shiver in reaction.

He'd take the life of another that had made his life a living hell.

It'd be fair, wouldn't it?

"Zim...? You did not really consider-..."

"Yes I did. Zim does not care about any of those humans. It will make no difference to me if there are a handful of humans more or less on this pathetic planet. No difference at all. The only difference it'll make is if you will get your perfect little fake death or not."

"It'd make us murderers! I can't just kill a person!"

The serious look he received from the alien made Dib freeze, dread already tightening his throat and making it suddenly hard to breathe.

He knew what Zim was going to say before he even opened his mouth.

"You already did, Dib-thing."

He had.

He had.

He had.

No matter how much he wanted to deny it and no matter how hard he had tried to forget about it.

But he had murdered that nurse.

And he had wanted to, too.

The boy licked his lips, feeling his hands jerk and twitch around air at the memory.

What he tried to deny most, right now more than ever before, was the deep, heartfelt sense of satisfaction that filled him. She had deserved it.

"She was begging for it..." it was no more than a hoarse whisper through a dry throat, but it was loud enough in the stifling silence surrounding them. "It… it was her own fault. I told her to stop but she wouldn't. I had no other way of-... I never wanted that to happen."

"Do you regret doing it?" Zim's voice held a strange quality that the boy couldn't quite place.

"No." He wanted to, in a way. But he answered without a moment's hesitation. He didn't regret it at all. He maybe resented that the situation had escalated like that. That he had been forced into that situation in the first place.

But he did not regret putting his thin fingers around that milky neck to squeeze the life out of the woman that had been taunting him.

"But, Zim... that doesn't..."

"Hush." Zim was leaning closer, reaching up to run a black, leather-clad thumb through the wetness on his cheeks, tears that the human hadn't even been aware of and only now noticed with a start. "You want the perfect death, Dib-thing, and Zim will give it to you. We just need a body. And it really doesn't matter who. Give Zim a name and I'll take care of the rest."

"I... can't. I'm supposed to... to protect earth from you, not give you a hit list of people I want you to get rid of for me..." His speech was turning jumbled and quiet, his whole body starting to shake.

Zim shook his head, giving a humorless grin and cupping the boy's face in both of his hands, glowing magenta eyes boring into wide, wet, golden ones.

"Are you telling Zim you wish them well? Tell me, Dib-thing. If they were on my target list, for any other reason, would you stop me?"

Dib knew his answer. There was no need to think it over. No need to reconsider. No need to play pretend.

Though, his tongue felt like dead rubber in his too-dry mouth, so he simply shook his head.

"It's only a small inconvenience. A necessity. It's for a greater goal. It'll make sure you'll not be found and never be bothered again."

Even if the wording was poorly chosen and Zim was just trying to convince him...

Dib knew he was right. He'd kill two birds with one stone. Almost literally. There would be a body to take his place, to make sure he was pronounced dead. The authorities would stop looking for him. Zim would be safe.

Zim would be safe.

There wouldn't be any more people coming to his house to question him.

And... there was a chance to pay someone back. Dearly.

There were more than a few people that had spent too much time trying to make his life as miserable as possible. With varying success. Now it was only a matter of choosing one of them to pay him back for that.


	19. Chapter 19

Picking a name...

It was hard. And it took time. Whoever he'd pick would die. For him.

Too many names had piled up by now. An hour after Zim and him had finished breakfast and moved over to the main computer room, where the alien was reviewing his choices for the 'fireworks' he was obviously quite excited about, Dib sat slumped in his own chair.

The excitement the smaller male showed, he simply couldn't share.

Leaning his head back against the pink cushions, Dib again listed the names in his head.

So many that had added to the misery in his life. So many that had made his life a living hell. There had been bullies who had beat him up more or less regularly, the ones that had taunted and harassed him, and the ones that had watched and laughed.

Smacky, who had caused him uncountable bruises and once even a broken nose.

Chunk, who had not let any opportunity slip to embarrass or taunt him. Even more so when he could do it in front of the whole class or the entirety of the school.

Just about every single classmate he'd had.

And not just the children.

His family aside, there had been a number of adults, too, that had given him a good reason for revenge.

The first name that came to mind was probably the one that had left one of the biggest scars on his young psyche,

Dwicky.

Even spoken in the privacy of his own thoughts, the name came in a spat.

Dwicky.

The school counselor. A man he had been turning to for support. A man pretending to believe him, to be worthy of his trust. A man manipulating Dib into opening up and subsequently forsaking him, in order to leave earth with a Plookesian space ship.

It had really been the most ridiculously random concatenation of circumstances. First, they had tried to lure Zim into the woods without a disguise with a fake alien distress signal. While they had been waiting, Dwicky had revealed he never truly believed any of Dib's alien fantasies.

There had been a miniature moment of success for the boy, when Zim HAD shown up, no disguise, in his tiny spaceship.

And Dwicky had seen.

Had believed.

Had been the first person to realize Dib hadn't made Zim up.

The rush of relief and satisfaction had been a short-lived one, however.

Mere moments later, a second, much, much larger spaceship had appeared, in search for their fellow Plookesians. Of course there had been none, as the distress signal had been fake. But they had offered Dwicky a trip off the planet.

And the man hadn't hesitated.

With a smile, he had run up the ramp into the ship, waving at Dib and then disappearing forever, leaving behind a lost boy, alone in the woods with a potentially dangerous alien.

Even years later, the sudden, bitter feeling building up in him at the memory hadn't lessened its intensity. The boy swallowed the bile rising in his throat, taking a calming breath. If the man were still here, Dib knew it'd be the name he'd give Zim.

But he wasn't.

The man wasn't on earth anymore.

With a quiet sigh, the boy shifted, sinking deeper into the cushioning of his chair and leaning his cheek against the soft material.

It was like having to pick the worst apple out of a giant pile of bad apples and the fact that the list was as long as it was just added to the misery of it all.

He didn't have many 'good' apples in his life.

With a groan, Dib shifted again, mortified at how pathetic that sounded even in his own head. Apples were a decidedly awful comparison to his situation and the sudden craving for a nice, sweet apple that seized his insides caused another groan.

Great.

"Zim?" Dib turned his head to regard the silently working irken at the other side of the lab room. "Zim, I'm going to take a little walk and find myself a snack, do you want something?"

Without turning around, the alien gave a short nod. "Donuts. Or a cupcake. And a soda."

"I'll see what I can find for you." It only took a few steps to the door and a few meters down the hall to the first storage room. With some luck, there actually would be an apple or some other fresh fruit left from their last raid, and Dib started rummaging through their supplies.

Finding a box with cupcakes and a few cans of soda was the easiest thing to accomplish.

Finding any kind of fruit was a whole different thing.

In the end, there was nothing fresh left, but with a notable amount of joy, he pulled out a bag of dried, mixed fruit that would do as a substitute. It wasn't as good as something fresh, but it was a lot better than instant ramen or overly sugary pastries.

Balancing the items carefully in his arms, Dib rounded the corner to return to the room Zim was in.

He hadn't made it further than a few steps when a small cough stopped him dead in his tracks.

Zim was in a room several meters away.

Gir had no need to clear his throat that way.

For a small moment, the boy was sure he had imagined it and that the fear seizing him was nothing more than another physical reaction to the excitement and stress he was experiencing. His mind was simply playing tricks on him and even the shiver that made the hair on his neck stand on end was just a reaction to that.

Then, there was the rustle of cloth and Dib swore he felt the temperature in the hall drop several degrees.

"Child..."

He didn't want to turn around.

He didn't.

But in the end, he knew he had to, so stiffly and with bated breath he turned, far from ready to face what was behind him.

A shadowed figure, tall, thin, wraith-like... and familiar.

Dib clutched at the food in his arms, feeling his whole body go numb with impossible fear, icy beads of sweat prickling at his rapidly paling skin, golden eyes widening to their limits.

There was not a single way to process what he was seeing and what was happening and when a thin, almost skeletal bony hand rose to brush against his cheek, Dib was sure he would die right then and there, if simply from the sheer terror he felt.

The touch felt so real. Too real. But it couldn't be. There was no way anyone could know of the base.

Much less enter it without them noticing.

And yet...

Right now he was staring into an ashen, too familiar face from years ago, feeling the paper-like, icy cold skin against his cheek. And grated words, screaming in his ears, despite them being nothing more than a breathy whisper.

"Do not hesitate to do what you must, child."

Dib tried to breathe, but his body was frozen, held in place by an invisible force.

"There's no need to hesitate. What must happen will happen."

Somehow, somehow, Dib managed to blink, his sore eyes demanding it, and when they opened again... nothing.

The dark figure was gone.

The chilling touch was gone.

He was alone again...

He screamed.

The sight that greeted Zim when he came looking for his companion was worrying, to say the least. The boy was wedged into a corner in the hall, trembling hands pressed to his face, food items and cans strewn on the floor in a mess. Zim frowned in confusion.

"Dib-th-" The violent jerk wasn't expected, as wasn't the frightened yell that Dib gave, and the alien frowned even harder. The boy looked haunted, wild eyes flicking in every direction before awkwardly focusing on the alien.

"Th.. there was... she was... I-... I SAW her, Zim! She was here! R... right here and... and..." He tried to take a calming breath, with little success. "I don't even know how.. how she got in here! She was just..."

Cool, firm leather closed around his jaw and mouth and stopped his disjointed words. "Will you quit your jabbering?! There is NOBODY here!" Dib looked ready to protest and the hand only tightened over his face.

"Are you starting to have hallucinations now, too?" Alien fingers loosened just enough for Dib to speak.

"N... no! Those weren't... But then... Hm-" And they tightened again, stopping the words once more.

"Calm down. I won't listen to your babbling until you've calmed." It was very rare that the boy was this jittery and it worried Zim a bit. Even with the hold he had on him and even while pressed into a corner, the human body moved too much, hands balling to fists or shooting out as if to steady the boy, legs shifting ever so often, almost looking like he was ready to jump up and run.

"Dib-thing. Do I need to smack you?" It was a valid warning and one Zim would carry out if Dib refused to comply and stop fussing.

It worked, if hardly so, and golden eyes tried to lock on magenta, his hands finally deciding on what to do and coming up to hold on to Zim's arms, anything to provide some foothold.

Tears were already rising and the alien removed his hand to let his companion take a few, calming breaths.

"That's it. Can you get up?" Maybe moving him to another room would help distracting him long enough so Dib could take his thoughts off of his panic and help him return to his right mind.

"Yes... I.. I think I can... Zim, I..."

"Shut up. I won't talk with you until you've calmed." With that, Zim rose, grabbing at the human's elbows to rather unceremoniously help him up. Thankfully, Dib managed to stay on his own feet without too much trouble, so the alien lightly shoved him back to the computer room.

"Sit yourself down somewhere, Zim will clean up the mess you've made."

Dib, as usual, did as he was told, sitting down on one of the chairs and pulling up his knees and trying his hardest to keep his panic at bay.

The alien returned rather quickly, the still edible bits of what Dib had spilled to the floor in his arms. One can of soda was pushed into five-fingered hands. "Drink it. Maybe you're dehydrated with all the nonsense you keep spewing."

In reply, the boy managed to form a grin. "Maybe, yeah. Thank you." The fingers pulling open the tab on the can were still trembling, but the task itself was a further distraction and by the time half the can was gone, Dib was calm enough that Zim dared to pick up the subject again.

"Were you having hallucinations, Dib-thing?"

The human paused, teeth worrying at the edge of the can. "I'm not sure. I mean... I guess I was. But... it felt so real. She was even touching me."

"'She'...?"

"Our old teacher. It's as if she is a ghost." He grinned a little, his expression softening into a melancholy smile. "Maybe it's because I've been thinking about the past... and about the outside. Maybe my head's just playing tricks on me." Another long drag of soda.

"I'm sorry to be such a bother all the time. It can't be fun scraping me off the floor every day."

Zim was silent, having turned to the side so he didn't have to look at the other. Almost, Dib thought he would receive no answer at all. But a small sigh caught his attention.

"It's less trouble than finding a new capable minion to do the dirty work for Zim." Even with his fear and the terrifying experience still fresh in his mind, Dib had to smile, knowing it was the closest thing to Zim admitting he liked having him around and not minding having to deal with his insane shenanigans.

Then, the boy found himself fixed with a serious, magenta stare, swallowing dryly.

"Dib-thing. If you keep having hallucinations like that, we'll need to think of a way to fix that. It's dangerous."

Nodding, Dib finished off his soda. "I know. I'm sorry. I will try to get more rest, I'm sure.. it was just a reaction to all the kerfuffle lately." He chuckled a little self-consciously. "I guess I'm still just a weak, bothersome human with damaged brain meats."

The alien rolled his eyes and just shook his head. "At least you realize your own faults."


	20. Chapter 20

For hours, Dib sat on his chair and watched Zim make adjustments to the simulation to see how they could best blow up the house. He thought it would have been perfectly sufficient to just use as many explosives as they had and simply create a giant ball of fire and destruction.

But Zim, for once, insisted on it having to be perfect.

And in a way, it was better that way. Afterall. People were stupid. The possibility that someone actually would QUESTION the explosion, investigate what had caused it, discover it had been fake was slim.

But it was there.

So Zim would make sure they prepared the explosion right. It gave Dib some more time to think about who would serve as a scapegoat and give their life for Dib's perfectly staged death.

In a way, it wasn't so hard a choice. It didn't matter much who he picked, someone would die and that would be it. It didn't matter who it was.

The hard part of it was actually voicing a name and make it happen. Imagining it was easy enough, it was rather liberating to picture anyone of his chosen list of bullies suffering a horribly painful and slow death. Really putting those thoughts into action and genuinely killing an unsuspecting young person... was a whole different thing to do.

Yet he knew it would happen. And soon.

Raising his troubled eyes back to Zim, he startled when he found those large eyes watching him right back.

"Say it."

The human couldn't tear his eyes away from those magenta spheres, feeling their stare bore right into him. And something within him seemed to unwind, easing the horrible tension within him, releasing his chest so he quite suddenly found himself taking a deep breath.

It didn't matter who he picked or that he would end someone's life.

He wasn't living by human standards anymore... It was a feeling he was experiencing more and more often. It left him a little dizzy, but at the same time, it lifted a weight off his shoulders that he hadn't even been aware of he had been carrying.

Zim was the only one that mattered.

Zim was going out of his way to help him. He even would go through the troubles of staging an explosion, blow up his house, move his base and all that trouble... only for him. So, the very least he could do was be the least bit helpful.

Honey-colored eyes closed and a soft smile pulled at human lips.

"Torque."

"Very well. Let's find out where he is and get this done. Do you want to tell me how it should happen, Dib-thing?" It took no more than a handful of button presses until a map popped up on screen, showing their victim's location in the city. The alien made a mental note of it and returned his magenta gaze to his companion when he heard him take a breath.

"No. Just..." Dib hesitated, not sure if the words on his tongue should be voiced out loud or not. The excited and amused sparkle in alien eyes did its work, though, and he bit his lip. "Just... make sure you give him a good scare."

Another second of hesitation, and Zim watched, intrigued, how the emotions in the human's pale face shifted, a frown tightening pink lips, a hint of anger, before it morphed into an almost giddy expression and golden eyes found his own again.

"Tell him I said hi before you do it."

"Of course." With that, the alien rose, straightening his wiry frame to walk right to the doors. "Zim will be back in an hour or less."

Dib blinked. "Y... You're going right away?"

Pausing, Zim turned to cast a look at the taller male. "There is no need to wait any longer, is there? The sooner we get the body, the quicker we'll be able to leave this place and the sooner you'll get another knot out of your giant head."

"My head's not-" But Zim had already turned his back to him, a teasing grin plastered to green lips.

Though, without much further ado, he marched off, boot heels echoing slightly in the hallway, while the alien walked towards the hangar to most likely use the voot for the trip.

For a moment, Dib simply stayed rooted where he was, staring through the empty doorway in silence. It took him a moment to realize that the prickly feeling running up and down his back was horror.

Horror at himself.

What had he done?

Not only had he told Zim to kill a – somewhat – innocent human being, he had also told him to 'scare' him and make sure he knew Dib was responsible. And a frighteningly large part of him felt far too excited about the whole thing.

He was running before he even knew it. Running to stop Zim, to keep these things from happening and to prevent...

In the middle of the hall, he stopped himself again, standing still when his conflicting feelings switched back to reason.

He couldn't prevent it.

They needed a body.

They... no... HE needed someone to take his place so he could escape. And even if the human didn't want to acknowledge it, he knew he was willing to sacrifice another for that.

It was true that he was safe in the base. Down here, even the people coming as close as knocking on Zim's door wouldn't reach him. But while Dib was truly thankful and glad to have a home like this...

A home?

This was his home, was it not? A place to live, a place to keep your belongings, a place to come back to and a place to feel safe.

Casting a quick look around the pink and gray corridor, so very familiar to him, the realization still hit him unprepared.

This WAS his home. And it was more of a home than he'd had before. True, it was an awkward arrangement, it held few luxuries, but it had everything he'd ever need. And it housed the one single being that cared for him at all.

In a way, he felt ungrateful for his yearnings. But...the urge to actually see the sun again, or the moon and the stars, was becoming worse and worse.

The excitement lately only added to it.

It was his being human that made him this unstable, this prone to confusion and mixed feelings.

Dib was torn between his own – human – morale, the basic rules of life he had grown up with, and Zim's lifestyle and mindset, which he had shared and gotten used to over the last few years.

In all honesty.

All things considered.

He didn't care about their former classmates.

Not at all.

He didn't care that Zim would kill a human, even though he felt he should.

But even less he could deny the delighted warmth that filled him at the prospect of revenge. It was sweet. Sweet, sweet sense of gratification, to think that a bully would get some bullying himself before his life was ended to serve his former victim.

It was fair, wasn't it?

The only thing that kept his bubbling, giddy euphoria at bay was his instilled morale. A part of him still clutched onto his beliefs. He should be the one protecting the humans from an alien menace.

Not give out names and tell it to go and kill people at his behest.

But that part of him was dying. Dib could feel it. He wasn't part of the human society anymore. If he even ever had been. For over three years now, he hadn't been in contact with another human and even before that, he hadn't been a proper part of... well, anything, either.

Shaking his head, he started walking again, much less rushed this time and just in time to see Zim climb into his little spaceship.

"Zim..." he called out, and the little alien looked up, unsurprised at his appearing.

"Came to stop me after all? I told you, Dib-thing, Zim will-"

"No... no." The human smiled, shaking his head and needing a moment to meet magenta eyes with his own. "I won't stop you. It's just... make sure he knows why it's happening to him, okay?"

That seemed to surprise the alien, after all. Yet, he simply nodded, giving a toothy grin. "Try to not wreck the base until I'm back. I'll bring you a present, Dib-thing. And this time tomorrow, we'll already be far away from this stupid place."

With that, the voot's glass-like roof closed and Dib took a few steps back when it started, lifting easily and quietly to vanish through the chute in the ceiling. Watching the tiny spaceship lift off, Dib caught a brief glimpse at the sky.

It was dark.

So it was nighttime. Torque was probably sleeping.

Maybe, once he woke, he'd still think it was all a dream. He'd wake to Zim, an alien, most likely taunting him before he was killed.

Torque would most likely be scared to death.

Maybe he'd beg Zim to spare him. Beg and grovel, weep and be frightened. Just like Dib had been whenever Torque or his friends had attacked him, ambushed him during or after school, hit, hurt or mocked him.

He'd get a short, but intense, dose of just that.

Dib was almost startled to find himself laughing, giggling, the sound terribly deranged even to his own ears and yet he couldn't stop. Couldn't stop his body from shaking with the force of his laughter until he dropped to his knees, wet cheeks buried in his palms.

When exactly laughter had turned into harsh sobs, Dib couldn't tell, but it had and he curled up in on himself, fevered forehead touching the cold metal ground as he cried for thoughts and reasons he could not quite grasp.

It was only when there was the sound of creaking metal and the quiet sound of engines, that he uncurled, looking up in time to watch the Voot return. He blinked and frowned in confusion. Had Zim forgotten something?

Or...

Had Dib lost himself again, not noticing the time going by while he was straying within his own thoughts.

With the way his body protested against his tries to stand up, joints almost audibly popping as he moved, the boy already suspected it was the latter and he wiped the half-dried tear tracks from his face before Zim had a chance to notice.

It was bizarre, really. He knew what Zim had done. And yet, it didn't quite become real until the very moment the Voot had landed and opened, revealing the familiar form of the alien and a human-sized, wrapped package behind him in the spaceship.

Zim had done it.

There was a dead human right behind him and by the blood stains on pink uniform, whatever the alien had done, it couldn't have been pretty. Even the sheets in which the body was tightly wrapped in were blood-soaked and still glistening wetly in a few spots.

The human was both disgusted and fascinated by the sight.

"Zim..."

The alien watched his companion quietly. "Yes?"

"Did you...?" There was no need to finish his question. Zim understood. And he gave a single, slow nod.

"Zim made sure it hurt."

"...Good."

It was done and they had a body.

A wave of relief and exhaustion crashed over Dib and he felt his knees buckle, bad enough that he had to stagger a few steps to lean against the wall for support.

He flinched when he felt something cool and smooth touch his forehead, blinking open his eyes even though he couldn't remember closing them.

Zim was leaning over him, frowning in worry while magenta eyes watched him intently.

Strange... he couldn't remember lying down, either.

"Are you awake, Dib-thing?"

"Y... yeah.. I... think so..."

The cool touch on his face turned out to be the alien's cool, leather-clad hand, pressed soothingly to clammy skin. "What happened...?"

"You tell Zim, pathetic human! I come back, gloriously successful and with the dead human meat and you go and turn white as a sheet just to fall right over onto your stupid face."

Now that the human thought about it, his nose and mouth did hurt. Raising his hand to his... actually quite sore face, he felt a thin layer of partially moist crusting covering the lower part of his face. There was no need to look to know it was half-dried blood.

"...Owww..." The entire level of pain finally caught up with him and Dib rolled over to his side with a groan, pressing his hands to his hurting face. He gave an almost pathetic whimper. "How.. how long have I been out...?" A few cautious touches to his nose and teeth at least confirmed everything was still in place and nothing seemed to be broken or damaged.

Aside from the soft tissue that was punishing him with sharp throbs of pain.

"About twenty minutes." Seemingly out of nowhere, there was a wet, pink cloth in the alien's hand and Dib took it, pressing it too his face in hopes of relieving the pain a bit. Ever so slowly, he sat up, trying to get his vision to stop spinning.

"As soon as you're not falling over anymore, you'll go take a shower to get rid of that filthy blood on you."

Dib frowned a bit in irritation, opening his mouth to point out the blood on Zim's own clothes, only to find them immaculate as ever. Apparently, the smaller male had used the time to change into clean clothes and clean himself.

Wisely enough, the boy did not ask why Zim had left him bleeding on the ground alone just to get clean.

What really mattered was that he was here now, expressing his worry in his usual, awkward Zim-like fashion. It was enough and Dib took a deep breath to steady himself further.

"Zim, where is... the body?"

"In the main lab room, having its DNA removed. There are also some inflammable substances being put into it so it'll burn really well and beyond recognition. Which reminds Zim... when you've washed yourself, cut your hair, along with your blood samples, we'll leave some DNA traces for people to find. It should work well enough."

Despite the pain, Dib nodded and smiled. "Give me another minute and we can start..."


End file.
